


And Maybe I'll Grow Into You

by jekisawrites



Series: I Wanna Move Inside of Your Light [1]
Category: The 100 (TV)
Genre: Anxiety Attacks, Childhood Friends, F/M, Gun Violence, Minor Character Death, childhood kinda enemies to quick friends to slow burn lovers, hurt/comfort a little i guess, so much so that i feel like i should apologize, so take the enemy part lightly, they're literally 'enemies' for like... two paragraphs, this is a monster of a fic, wells will live bc i cant have him die in any other universe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-09-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2020-10-05 22:22:49
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 58,095
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20496275
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/jekisawrites/pseuds/jekisawrites
Summary: High school starts at a running pace, and it doesn’t show any sign of slowing down any time soon. Between AP classes, debate and basketball for Bellamy, and young politicians and volleyball for Clarke, they don’t have much time to see each other outside of study hall and weekly study sessions for Mr. Kane’s class. Still, they find time.Together they survive the first year. Bellamy spends less time at home, choosing instead to stay with either Miller or Murphy, and occasionally falling asleep on Clarke’s couch. Those nights were his favorites, and it only had a little to do with waking up to Jake making them waffles and omelets every morning. Sometimes on those mornings, Abby would have the day off, and she would give him a look that seemed like she saw something in him that he had yet to figure out. On those mornings, he couldn’t enjoy his breakfast or Clarke’s company nearly as much





	1. The One Where They Meet

**Author's Note:**

> I don't think there's anything too triggering in this? Mild violence, typical Blake sibling ridiculousness, and hurricanes if that kind of thing upsets you.

They meet in seventh grade after Bellamy is forced to transfer schools after one too many fights. He still stands by that it wasn’t his fault. 

(Okay, maybe the fights were his fault, but they were ogling at Octavia!) 

His first class of the day is Spanish. She’s already in her desk – far side of the room, front row, perfect view of the school’s garden – when Bellamy walks in the classroom. There’s something about her that makes Bellamy want to hate her at first glance. And so he does. There’s a seat open in the back, and he takes it quickly, thankful that he’s as far away from her as he can get. 

It’s the middle of the first term, which makes it difficult to blend in. What makes it even harder is the teacher asking him to introduce himself in front of the class – both in English and Spanish. He hadn’t taken a day of Spanish in his life. His school couldn’t afford to offer extracurriculars like that. 

She tries to introduce herself to him after class, following him down the hall and trying not to get hit by the lockers when the band geeks open them. 

That’s something else that he’s going to have to get used to. Back at South Mecha, no one had lockers. There were a few reasons for it, but the main one is for safety. Kids can’t hide weapons if they don’t have lockers. At least, that’s what the administration says, not that the lack of lockers stops the students from bringing weapons to school. 

She only catches him because there’s a traffic jam in the hall. The Ancient Egyptian class had tried to mummify a frozen chicken. They had dropped it coming back inside, and now there was a raw chicken sliding on the floor, not wanting to get caught. 

“Hey! Bellamy, right? I’m Clarke. Which school did you come from?” 

He cuts her eyes at her. There’s a blush on her cheeks from chasing after him, and her hair is braided, swinging past her mid-back. He doesn’t want to answer her, but his mom did teach him to have manners. 

“Uh, South Mecha.” 

“ _ Oh,”  _

She says it in  _ that _ tone. The one that means she wasn’t expecting him to come from  _ that  _ school. South Mecha school. The one who’s budget is so low, they had to bus in sack lunches for the kids every day because they didn’t have enough money to fix the kitchen. The one who’s budget is so low, they only ever get first year teachers, but they leave as soon as they get a chance. The one where every kid Bellamy knows brings a gun or a knife or a  _ something  _ to school just in case they need to protect themselves. That tone. And Bellamy hates it. 

He says nothing. 

He can sense Clarke trying to backpedal, regretting her shock already. 

“This must be a big shock to you then, yeah?” 

Something snaps at him, and he tears his gaze away from the raw, frozen chicken sliding on the floor, “Why’s that,  _ Princess _ ?” The bitterness in his voice shocks even himself, “Because South Mecha doesn’t have money?”

She’s shocked by his little outburst. He can see it on her face, but she pulls it back together fairly quickly. 

“What? No, of course not. I just meant that we have so many more students. It must be hard coming from such a small school to one this size.” 

Bellamy huffs, “Yeah, sure. Whatever.” 

Finally,  _ finally,  _ someone catches the dead bird, and the hallway is once again moving along. He walks away from Clarke without looking back. 

She tries to joke with him the rest of the year. Calling his name from across the room and pointing to a funny picture on the board that someone in the class before drew, or waving him over to the one desktop that the class has to watch a cringy video. Sometimes he ignores her, sometimes he humors her with a half smile, sometimes he laughs and he’s not entirely sure why.

The battle for top student in their one shared class. Because of it, the teacher continues to pair them up for group projects. They have to reenact the story of The Three Little Pigs, arguing over tenses and the correct translation of certain words. It costs them several long hours spent in the school library – which is three times the size as the library from South Mecha – for them to finally agree on the final product. In the end, the teacher loved it, they only had mispronounced one word, and they were tied for the highest average. 

The second semester has them in different Spanish classes, and Bellamy tells himself he only misses her because no one else in the class is as far along as he is. They end up having the same break, so after third period, Bellamy always finds himself sitting on the wall in the courtyard with his energy drink. Clarke almost always shows up five minutes later with her snack that her dad packed her and a bottle of water. 

“Those things are awful for your heart, Bellamy.” Clarke informs him every single day as she pulls herself up on the wall next to him. 

And Bellamy ignores her every time, instead choosing to lean over to see what snacks she has. “Can I have the kiwi fruit?” 

Clarke tosses it over to him without a word. 

They don’t see much of each other in eighth grade. She’s in honors math, and he’s in honor english, which means they’re in two different rotations. But they still have the same break period. 

It takes until the second nine weeks for her to walk over to where he’s always sitting on top of the brick wall, stradling it and watching the rest of his class mingle with ease. 

“How’s Honors going?” 

She surprises him. He chokes on his Flaming Hot Cheetos, and he coughs red dust everywhere. 

When he finally stops, she’s smirking at him. 

“Don’t sneak up on people, Princess.” 

She rolls her eyes and lifts herself up on the wall next to him. 

“Is Nate still falling asleep in every class?” 

He cocks his head to the side, “Who?” 

“Nathan Miller.”

Bellamy automatically finds him in the crowd. He’s talking with Murphy, a scowl on both their faces. “Yeah, he’s still sleeping. That punk.” 

“Just wait, he’ll come out with the highest average and really piss you off.” 

He glares at her, “No way. I’m coming out on top.” 

She smiles, and it’s so soft that Bellamy wonders why he hated her when he first came here. 

“So, the reason I came over here..” 

He cocks a brow, waiting for her to continue.   
“A group of us are all going to Homecoming together. It should be really fun. And, well, if not fun, entertaining since Murphy is coming.” 

O made him buy a ticket, so he’s definitely already going. He puts another handful of cheetos in his mouth before answering. It wouldn’t hurt to go with people he can stand to be around. 

There’s a beat and then, “Sure.” 

She smiles, all excitement, “Okay! Great, I’m so glad you said you’ll come. We’re renting a limo and going out to eat at that new restaurant and then we’re having pictures done at the country club and…” 

Bellamy’s head is reeling. At his old school, homecoming was not that big of a deal. They would never rent a limo for that. Not only would you be the laugh of the school, but no one would be able to afford it.

“Oh.” Bellamy breathes out, and Clarke stops rambling. 

“What is it?” 

“I won’t be able to go with you guys.” He doesn’t say why, but he knows Clarke will get it. 

She opens her mouth, already having an argument on the tip of her tongue. But she snaps it closed and nods once. “Okay, that’s fine.” 

He’s almost shocked when she accepts that. He stares at her as she smiles back at him and slides off the wall. “See you around, Bellamy Blake.” 

He thinks that the end of that. He’ll go to homecoming, see Clarke dance with some friends, and then head home with Miller. It’ll be fine. 

But then he’s tying the tie O picked out for him at Treasure Hunt (it has sea turtles on it and she’s obsessed), when there’s a knock on the door. His mom isn’t home, but he knows O will answer it. He figures it’s one of her friends, anyway. 

He’s finishing up the tie when O peeks in his door, “Uh, there’s a girl at the door for you?” 

He looks at her through the mirror, “Who?” 

“I didn’t ask. She said y’all are going to homecoming together?”

He mentally goes through all the girls that it could possibly be, and he keeps landing on one. But it couldn’t be. 

Somehow he’s not surprised, though. 

“Alright. Let her in. I’m going to finish getting ready and then I’ll be down.” 

Bellamy huffs out a laugh when he sees Clarke sitting on the couch eating flaming hot cheetos while in her homecoming dress.

“Careful there, Princess. You might stain your dress.” 

She spins around at the sound of his voice, smiling. Bellamy really does laugh when he sees that her teeth are already stained with the cheeto dust. 

“You might want to rinse your mouth out with water before we leave.” 

She sits up straighter, “What? Why?” 

Octavia is the one that says, “You have cheeto in your teeth, Clarke.” 

At that, they’re all three laughing. 

Bellamy leads Clarke to the kitchen and hands her a glass of water. She gargles and swashes it around in her mouth before spitting it out in the sink.

“Thanks. You could’ve just let me go to the dance like that.” 

He shrugs, takes the cup from her and places it by the sink. “That would’ve been a cruel thing for a friend to do.” 

She lights up at the word friend, but doesn’t say anything more. 

They’re walking to the bus stop when he finally says, “I thought you were going with your group of friends.” 

She shrugs, “Limos are overrated.” 

“But witnessing Murphy make a fool of himself is not.” 

“We’ll still get plenty of that at the dance.” 

He shoots her a look, and her shoulders drop. “We’re friends, Bellamy. I didn’t want you to have to go by yourself just because you go to a school where everyone goes over the top.” 

He lets that sink in while they walk. They’re almost to the bus stop when he asks, “How do you even know where I live?” 

“Murphy.” 

“The traitor.” 

She laughs, and as they near the bus stop, Bellamy slides his hands into his pockets, keys in his fist. Just in case. 

The keys stay in between his fingers while they’re on the bus. He only relaxes once they get to Clarke’s neighborhood and get off. 

  
  


It’s Spring Break, and Bellamy takes Octavia to the library to check out books to read over the break (or, movies in O’s case). He’s not expecting to see anyone he knows there, but by this point he should know Clarke is full of surprises. 

O is off by the video section, and Bellamy has a copy of  _ Eragon  _ in his hands, wondering if he’s going to read it a third time before the second book comes out in August. He’s still contemplating when he hears someone huff. He leans out of the aisle and sees a familiar head of blonde hair. 

He puts the book back where he finds it, and quietly goes to the table where Clarke is sitting. He slides into the chair across from her quietly, and counts to thirty before he says, “Boo.” 

She yelps and jumps in her chair. When she sees that it’s only him, she gives him a piercing glare. “Bellamy Blake, you can’t just sneak up on people like that!” 

He rolls his eyes, “I was sitting here for nearly a minute before I even said anything. It’s not my fault you weren’t paying attention.” 

She puffs her cheeks out, and slowly blows the air out. “What are you doing here anyway?” 

“What one normally does at the library. Checking out books.” He motions to all the notebook paper and books on the table, “What are  _ you  _ doing?” 

“Studying for our placement tests.” 

His eyes go wide, “Clarke, you can’t study for those. We don’t even know what’s going to be on them.” 

She shrugs, and picks up her pencil. “My mom is going to kill me if I don’t get into Advanced Placement in high school. She was mad enough when I only got into honors maths this year.” 

“I thought you could only get into one honors class this year?” 

“Sometimes they make exceptions for the extremely gifted.” 

“And your mom wanted you to be one of the exceptions?” 

Clarke nods. 

“Shit.”

He picks up the flashcards and mindlessly flips through them. “You could come over and I’ll help you study?” 

She brightens up at that, “Really?” 

“Really, really.” 

Once Octavia picks out her three movies, and Bellamy finally decides that yes, he is going to reread  _ Eragon,  _ the three of them walk home together. 

They make camp in Bellamy’s room. Her on his bed, all of her notes and books spread out around her, and him on the floor, his backpack being used as a pillow. He quizzes her on the notecards she already has made, all while she makes  _ more  _ notecards. She gets most of them correct, but it’s still not good enough for Clarke. Or rather, Clarke’s mom. 

“You’re going to do fine, Clarke.” 

Her hands are in her hair, and Bellamy half thinks she’s about to pull her hair out. “Placements are on Monday, as soon as we get back, Bellamy.” 

“I know.” 

“What if I don’t get into AP?” 

“Most students who have honors do.” 

“ _ Most  _ not all. What if my English and History scores are so low, they don’t place me?” 

“Impossible.” 

He sits up and kneels by his bed. He watches her fret for a few seconds longer before reaching out and taking her hand in his. “Clarke.” 

It takes a moment, but she finally looks at him. 

“You’re top of our class. There’s no possible way you’re not going to get AP classes in high school.” 

She lets out a breath and squeezes his hand. 

“Thank you.” It comes out as a whisper, and Bellamy feels like there’s more to it than just helping her study. 

“Anytime, Princess.” And he’s surprised by the fact that he means it. 

His mom comes home to make them dinner, and winks at Bellamy when she sees Clarke on his bed. He tries not to roll his eyes at his mom. Clarke stays for dinner, and as they’re all cleaning up, his mom pulls him to the side. 

“You need to walk her home whenever you guys finish up.” 

He eyes her,  _ as if _ he would just let her walk home by herself. “I know, Mom.” 

She pats down his hair, “It’s just that the shootings are getting worse. Walk her all the way home, Bell. Not just to her bus stop.” 

“Yes, ma’am.” 

She pats his hair again, “That’s my boy.” 

After they clean up, Clarke packs up and Bellamy walks with her. His hand in his pocket. His fist around his keys. Always looking around for things that could be a weapon -- the broken beer bottle under the bushes, the rock off of the sidewalk, the fallen tree limb -- and sitting at the back of the bus so he can see who all gets on and off. 

A few of his old school mates that are a few years above him get on the bus and eye Clarke. He spreads his legs apart, his knee touching Clarke’s, and his arm going around behind her. His silent message being heard loud and clear by his old peers, and Clarke being completely oblivious to it. 

“You’re squishing me, Bellamy.” 

He laughs, still not taking his eyes off the older boys, “Get over yourself, Princess. You have plenty of room.” 

She huffs, “Sometimes I don’t know why I’m your friend.” 

The boys get off at the next stop, and it’s only then that Bellamy retreats into his own space. 

“Thank you, geez.” 

Bellamy nudges his shoulder against hers, a silent apology, and breathes out in relief when she returns it. 

A few stops later they get off. The walk through her neighborhood is quiet. He offers to carry her backpack for her, and she just laughs and says that she’s not as much of a princess as he thinks she is. 

When they get to her house, he stands at the end of the driveway until she goes inside. And then he walks home, forgoing the bus completely. 

The summer before they start high school, Octavia gets in a fight. It’s bad. She comes out of it with bruised knuckles and some scrapes. Her injuries aren’t the bad part. The kid she beat up had to go to the hospital. That’s not the bad part either. The bad part is that the kid was Dax’s cousin. Dax, the leader of one of the more dangerous gangs in his neighborhood. 

“You can’t just go around punching people who piss you off, O!”

He’s standing in the bathroom doorway and watching as she cleans herself up. He can’t help but hate himself because she learned to do that by watching him. 

“He was threatening Jasper, Bell.”

“So? Walk the hell away. Don’t get in a fight with  _ Dax’s cousin!”  _

She dabs the white washcloth around her eye, staring at him through the mirror, “Like Dax is going to do anything. He hates his cousin almost as much as I hate him.” 

Bellamy punches the doorframe. He doesn’t even process the pain shooting up his arm because of how mad he is at Octavia. 

“O!” 

She turns to face him then, “ _ What _ , Bellamy? You did the same thing when your life was in this neighborhood. The only reason you’re not getting in fights anymore is because you’re barely here!”

They’re both breathing heavy and glaring at each other. Octavia is the first to turn away, going back to the mirror and cleaning off the blood from her face and hands. Bellamy watches for a moment, and then turns on his heel and storms out of the house. 

He doesn’t have an exact location in mind. He just knows he has to get away. He goes to the bus stop, stands underneath a tree for shade. 

The bus stops in Clarke’s neighborhoods have benches and awnings. Bellamy’s neighborhood isn’t as lucky. 

He doesn’t know when the next bus is supposed to come, but it’s summer. He has all day. 

He thinks he hears the bus coming when he notices a familiar figure walking towards him. 

“Blake, I heard you little sister decided to give my cousin what he had comin’.” 

Bellamy stands up straighter, tries to look bored and indifferent. He feels like he looks more constipated than anything. Maybe Dax won’t notice. 

“If he had it coming, why don’t you keep your cousin in line?” 

_ Wrong thing to say, Blake,  _ he thinks to himself. 

Dax is in front of him now, towering over him with a scowl forever staining his face. 

“What was that?”

_ Don’t look weak. _

“I said,” Bellamy takes a breath, preparing himself for what he knows comes after, “you should try to keep your cousin in line.” 

Looking back, Bellamy probably should’ve walked away, kept his mouth shut, anything but actually tell Dax he sucks at keeping his cousin in line. Because of that, he might deserve the punch in the jaw, but the knee to the gut was definitely not necessary

He walks down Miller’s driveway, hoping his dad isn’t home, and knocks on the door. 

Miller answers. 

“Damn, what happened to your face?” 

Bellamy gives him a look, “Are you just going to stand there and roast me, or can I come in?” 

Miller steps aside, and it isn’t until Bellamy takes a step in that Miller says, “Clarke and Murphy are here.” 

Bellamy mentally groans, thinking of the bruise on his jaw that is surely showing it’s colors by now, and how he’s pretty sure there’s another on his stomach. 

He stands a little straighter, tries to get the pain off his face, and walks in like everything in normal. And, everything is normal. For him, at least. 

He doesn’t even make it five steps before Clarke sees him – and the bruise on his face – and runs to him. 

“What the hell happened?” Her hands fly up, as if she wants to touch his face, but is scared she’ll hurt him. She slowly lowers them, and the movement is somehow gentle and soft. The look she’s giving him, not so much. 

He gives her a smirk, “Would you believe me if I told you I fell down a flight of stairs?” 

“ _ Bellamy.”  _

His smirk falls away with a sigh, “It’s fine, really. Octavia got into with some punk, and his older cousin decided to get even by punching my face.” 

She huffs, flicks her hair over her shoulder, and walks away. He chances a glance at Miller, who shrugs. 

“Don’t look at me, man.” 

Bellamy shoves his shoulder, “You’re useless, you know?” 

Miller laughs, “That’s what my third grade teacher told me.” 

Bellamy chuckles, shakes his head, and then goes to the kitchen where he saw Clarke disappear. She’s sitting on one of the stools, stirring what looks like was once Lucky Charms. Now it just looks like a soggy mess. He slides onto the stool next to her. 

“Unless you want to have a fight, leave me alone.” 

“Why are we fighting?” 

She glances at him, “You don’t like it when I call out Octavia.” 

This time, it’s Bellamy who huffs. “Look, I know she’s a handful, but..” 

“No, stop making excuses for her, Bellamy. She’s angry, and only getting angrier. Not to mention she keeps letting you take the consequences of her actions. You’ve got to stop that, Bellamy.”

He stays silent. It’s true, he knows it. But what Clarke doesn’t understand is that everyone in their neighborhood is angry. Their world doesn’t allow them to be anything but. 

High school starts at a running pace, and it doesn’t show any sign of slowing down any time soon. Between AP classes, debate and basketball for Bellamy, and young politicians and volleyball for Clarke, they don’t have much time to see each other outside of study hall and weekly study sessions for Mr. Kane’s government class. Still, they find time. 

Clarke goes to every game to support Bellamy. She tries to go to as many debate tournaments as she can, but those are harder to work her schedule around. 

Bellamy sits with Jake during Clarke’s volleyball games, and cheers so loud his throat hurts when they make it to the finals of the district tournament. He stays far away from the young politicians; they make his head hurt. 

Together (and with the help of some of their friends), they survive the first year. Bellamy spends less and less time at home, choosing instead to stay with either Miller or Murphy, and occasionally falling asleep on Clarke’s couch. Those nights were his favorites, and it only had a little to do with waking up to Jake making them waffles and omelets every morning. Sometimes on those mornings, Abby would have the day off, and she would give him a look that seemed like she saw something in him that he had yet to figure out. On those mornings, he couldn’t enjoy his breakfast or Clarke’s company nearly as much. 

The summer between ninth and tenth grade, Murphy drags them all to a party. If Murphy had told them where the party was, Bellamy wouldn’t have gone along with it. 

“So where is this thing anyway?” Miller asks as he follows the instructions Murphy gives him. 

Bellamy, Clarke, and Harper are all in the backseat, and somehow Bellamy got bullied into sitting in the middle. He’s already ready to be at the party, and they only got in the car moments ago. 

“South Mecha.” 

Bellamy stiffins, and of course Clarke notices.

“You okay?” 

“Fine.” Bellamy leans up, and sticks his head between Miller and Murphy. He’s going for nonchalant, but he knows he’s probably not succeeding in that. “Who’s party?” 

“Oh, yeah,” Murphy says, half absent, “I forget that you’re from there. You probably know the guy. Dax, I think.” 

Bellamy sits back, leans his head against the seat, and stares at the roof of Miller’s car. He feels his heart start to beat faster, and it almost feels like claws are digging into his chest. 

_ Am I having a panic attack?  _ He thinks he might be. 

He tries to focus on anything else. Harper flicking Murphy’s ear. Clarke braiding her hair again for the fifth time.  _ It has to look perfect _ says a voice in his head that sounds awfully lot like hers. But only one thing fills his mind. 

_ Dax _ . 

Everything goes to shit when he sees Octavia. Actually, he hears her first. Then he sees her. 

_ “We’re back, bitches!” _

Something shatters, then he sees her. She’s walking through the back door, Jasper and Monty in tow, her hair free and wild. 

Jasper looks like he’s already drunk and Monty looks apprehensive and almost apologetic for being here.

Something in his chest crumbles. 

“Bell!” Jasper spots him first. 

Bellamy barely has time to blink before Jasper is hugging him, “Hello to you too, Jasper.”

“It’s been forever. Where the hell have you been?” 

He spots Clarke, Harper, and Miller watching a game of beer pong. Clarke’s hair already pulled back because of the heat. 

“Uh, I’ve been around.” 

“Uh-huh. Sure.” 

Monty finds them, gives Bellamy a sympathetic smile, “Hey, Bellamy.” 

Bellamy finds himself genuinely smiling at Monty, and then glances around the room for his sister. He’s already lost sight of her. 

“Gotta be honest, Monty, wasn’t expecting to see you guys here tonight.” 

He shrugs, “Octavia has developed a taste for parties.” 

_ Yeah, that’s what I’m worried about,  _ Bellamy thinks. 

“Look, I’m going to go find her. I’ll see you guys around.” 

Jasper is spinning around, looking at all who’s there, and not listening to a thing Bellamy is saying. Classic. 

Monty nods, “Just know she’s in a mood. Been trying to pick fights all night. Even went after Jasper for a hot second.” 

Bellamy glances at Jasper, who has a dopey grin on his face.

“Good thing I don’t let her get to me like you do, huh?” 

If Bellamy didn’t love Jasper, he’d punch Jasper. 

It takes Bellamy longer to find O than he would’ve liked. He kept getting pulled into conversations with his old classmates, the ones that still talked to him anyway. When he finally makes it to the kitchen, Clarke is there taking a shot with Murphy. He sidles up between the two of them, “You guys are having fun, I see.” 

Murphy grins, and something about it is feral like. Bellamy is suddenly glad that he spends most of his time on Murphy’s good side. 

“Finally got this one to loosen up a little and have fun.” 

Clarke frowns as she reaches for another shot, “I’m loads of fun all the time, aren’t I, Bell?” 

Bellamy chuckles, pats both of his friends on the back, “Yeah, of course you are. I’m going to go find my sister. You two behave, yeah?” 

Clarke rolls her eyes and Murphy gives him a mock solute. He supposes that’s as good as he’s going to get. 

Thirty minutes later, he finds his sister. But it wasn’t soon enough, and soon as he spots her, time slows down. 

Dax’s cousin is smiling at her, and Octavia is smiling back. But Bellamy knows that smile, and he knows that only trouble follows. 

Bellamy watches as the boy makes a vulgar hand motion and throws a comment at Octavia’s face. Bellamy starts shoving people out of his way to get to his sister before he even comprehends what’s happening. He’s two steps away from her when she punches the boy in the face and launches herself on him. 

When Bellamy sees she’s still smiling during it all, his skin goes cold. 

He pulls her off as quickly as he can, and drags her away despite her kicking and screaming for him to put her down. He’s going to have a bruise on his shoulder from her pounding her fists against him. But if it means getting Octavia out of there before Dax gets to her, then it’s worth it. 

He stops dragging her when they make it outside, and the look she gives him is pure rage and defiance. 

Bellamy has barely gathered his thoughts when she rears back and punches him. 

He takes a step back, shocked more over the fact that she just punched him than about the pain coursing through his face. 

“What the hell, O?” 

Her face is stone, void of all emotion, and Bellamy wonders when his sister became this person. 

“What are you even doing here? Thought you were supposed to be with your rich friends.” Every word out of her mouth is clipped. 

“I’m not having this argument with you again, Octavia.” 

She opens her mouth to say something else, but the look he shoots her shuts her up. 

He needs to find Clarke and the others, but he can’t take Octavia back inside. Either she’d get in another fight or Dax would find them both. But he also doesn’t trust her to stay outside by herself. 

But then Monroe stumbles out on the porch. They had the same classes most of their lives, and out of all the people back at South Mecha, he probably trusts her the most. Even if she was drunk. 

Monroe agrees to sit with Octavia while Bellamy goes and finds his friends. Murphy is still in the kitchen, and tells Bellamy that he’s staying behind and he’ll see them when school starts back. It takes him longer to find Clarke, but he does eventually. 

She’s in the bathroom, curled up around the toilet, and Bellamy only feels a little guilty for being glad he’s just now finding her. He doesn’t want to deal with a vomiting Clarke on top of everything else tonight. 

When she hears the door squeak open, she looks up. 

“I don’t feel so good, Bell.” 

He kneels beside her and brushes her hair out of her face, “Well let’s get you home, then.” 

“My dad can’t see me like this.” 

“You can stay with me. C’mon. I can’t carry you.” 

She pokes his arms, “Pretty sure you could.” 

He ignores that, and helps her stand up. 

By some God-given miracle, they make it to Bellamy’s house. He leaves Clarke in the front room, sprawled out on the couch while he goes and doctors O’s hand. O is furious with him the whole time, refusing to look his way or acknowledge him. When he’s finished, she storms off to her room and slams the door. A framed photo – it was the two of them at the lake, Bellamy had O on his back and both of them were laughing – falls off the wall and cracks.

He picks it up as he walks passed and it nearly falls again when he walks into the front room to see it empty and Clarke-less. He places the cracked picture on the old, age worn coffee table. The front door is cracked open, and he knows he closed it when the three of them got to the house. 

Bellamy walks out onto the front porch and lets out a sigh of relief when he sees Clarke standing there staring at a flickering street light. It’s one of the only ones on his street. Growing up, Bellamy hated it. It was at just the right angle where it would shine through his bedroom window. It would keep him up for hours. Him and his neighbors used to throw rocks at it, trying to hit the bulb. They never quite hit it, though. Now, he’s thankful for it. Where the rest of his neighborhood is dark, at least they have this small haven. 

He goes to stand next to her and slides his hands into his pockets, “I thought you were going to stay on the couch.” 

She glances at him, and she looks a little more sober than she had when he had to wrangle her and Octavia back home. “I wanted to see the lightning bugs.” 

A snort escapes his mouth before he can hide it, “Not only is it the wrong time of the year for them, but it is also the wrong time of night. They’re long gone, Princess.” 

Clarke crosses her arms and huffs out a sigh, but then she relaxes and leans her head against his shoulder, “Can I tell you something?” 

“Anything.” 

“You’re my favorite. Don’t tell Murphy.” 

“Only if you don’t tell Miller that you’re mine.” 

That seems to please her, and after a few more minutes of them staring at the flickering street light, Bellamy easily convinces her to go to bed. 

Bellamy is going through his drawers trying to find some of his clothes that would fit Clarke while Clarke roams around his room. Not that there’s much space to roam around. The bed and dresser take up most of the room, and his bed isn’t even big. 

“I haven’t been in here since homecoming,” Clarke mumbles. 

Bellamy pulls out an old pair of basketball shorts and an old camp t-shirt, There’s been two more homecomings since that first one with Clarke, but he knows what she means. 

“There’s really no point in coming to my place.” 

He turns around and finds her sitting cross legged on his bed. 

“Why’s that?” 

He shrugs, “I live further out than everyone else. There’s no need for anyone to come here.” 

Judging by the frown on Clarke’s face, his answer didn’t please her. “But this is  _ you.  _ It’s your home.” 

_ Miller’s feels a lot more like home to me than this place,  _ he thinks to himself. But he doesn’t say those words, it still feels like a betrayal to his mom and aunties and the people that raised him. Instead, he shrugs. 

“It’s time for bed, Clarke. I’ll be out on the couch if you need anything.” 

He tosses his clothes and they land in her lap; and before she can protest, he turns to leave. 

Octavia is gone the next morning. He’s only slightly worried and a lot pissed. She could’ve at least left a note. 

He angrily makes breakfast for him and Clarke. It’s nothing like the breakfasts they share when her dad cooks for them in the mornings, but it’ll do. 

The coffee is finished and the eggs are well on their way when Clarke stumbles out of his bedroom. Her hair is a mess, he’s pretty sure there’s dried drool on her cheek, and her makeup from the night before makes her look distantly related to a raccoon. Still, there’s something about seeing her like that, dressed in his clothes, and coming out of his room that causes his body to react. 

_ She’s your  _ friend _ , asshole. Stop it.  _

“Making some eggs. Coffee’s finished.” 

She blinks at him, looking as if he spoke a foreign language. She opens her mouth to respond, but stops and wrinkles her nose. 

“Do you have a spare toothbrush?” 

He waves the spatula towards the bathroom, “Look in the second drawer. There should be one in there.” 

She nods and scurries off to the bathroom. By the time she comes out, the eggs are finished and Bellamy is halfway through his coffee.

“That’s so much better. Thanks for that.” She says as she slides onto the chair across from his. She shovels eggs in her mouth and groans, “These are delicious, Bellamy.” 

He ducks his head and tries to hide his smile, “Yeah, you’re welcome.” 

When they get their schedules for tenth grade, Bellamy only has archery with Harper and two classes with Murphy. Clarke has most of hers with Harper and her first round of electives with Miller. 

“This year is going to suck,” Bellamy says once Clarke is the only one in his beat up SUV. 

They had all gone together to get their schedules, talking on the way to the school how much fun this year was going to be now that half of them had their license, and how much fun classes were going to be together. Only to realize that most of their group was split up, and not even on the same rotation which meant they had difference lunches and off periods. 

“It won’t be that bad.” 

“I’m stuck with Murphy, Clarke.” 

She laughs, “Okay, yeah, it might be that bad.” 

But as it turns out, Clarke was determined for it to not be that bad. 

Bellamy was sitting on the bleachers, running his fingers over the nock of his bow, when a familiar presence slides in next to him. 

“How’s archery?”

“Shit, Clarke. What are you doing?” Bellamy stares at her, eyes wide and frantically looking at the coaches down on the floor. 

“Oh, calm down. I’m supposed to be with Kane right now, like he’s going to care if I take an extra long bathroom break.” She raises up the wooden copy of the Declaration of Independence that Kane uses as a hallpass, “He’s probably not even going to notice I’m gone.” 

“You’re going to get caught, and if you get grounded because of it, I’m not going to have any sympathy for you.” 

“Oh, shove off. It’s been two weeks and I still hadn’t seen you.” 

“We’ve gone longer.” 

“I hate you.” 

“Missed you, too.” 

Eventually, Clarke leaving class and finding Bellamy in whatever class he’s in at the moment becomes a regular part of their lives. 

Sometimes he wonders if it’s a part of Miller’s and Murphy’s and Harper’s. Something tells him it’s not. He only allows himself feel a little happy about that. 

It’s the middle of September when Bellamy drives to Clarke’s on a Wednesday morning and says, “Let’s skip class today.” 

Clarke takes one look at his bloodshot eyes and clenched jaw. That’s all it takes for her to agree. 

They drive in silence for ten minutes. Bellamy is driving only a little more recklessly than normal, but it still has Clarke concerned. When they are about to get to the city’s park, she finally breaks the silence. 

“Where are we going?” 

Bellamy looks at her, too many emotions flashing across his face for her to decipher, and sighs. “You get one question. Are you sure that’s the one you want to ask?” 

Clarke bites her lip. He wishes that he was able to know what she was thinking right now. 

“What happened?” 

“Octavia got in another fight. Some girl in her history class. I don’t even know how it happened, but Mom was a mess over it last night. Apparently she got kicked out, which I’m a little peeved about. Every year is supposed to be a fresh start? That’s what they tell us over at South Mecha. But that’s not true because this was her first fight of the year, and they kicked her out and brought up all of her other fights and disruptions from last year.” He starts drumming his fingers on the driving wheel, “I mean, yeah she told the principal to fuck off, but that’s at most a several day suspension, not grounds to get expelled.” 

Clarke twists around to face him. She doesn’t know what to say. Words can’t make this better. She reaches out and rests her hand on his arm. 

He glances at her, lets out a breath that was caught in his cheeks. “Mom asked if she could transfer to our school, but they’re hesitant because of her record. How is it that they’ll accept me and not her?” 

“You were younger, Bellamy.” 

Jerkily, he parks in one of the spots at the train station downtown. “I’m supposed to be able to fix this, and I can’t.” 

“You’re her older brother, not a miracle worker.” 

“There’s not a difference where I come from.” 

“What are y’all going to do?” 

Bellamy hesitates, and hates himself a little when he smirks. “You were only allowed one question.” He pauses, but not long enough for her to argue. “Mom is thinking about sending her up north to stay with Gran.”

Gran wasn’t his grandmother. Bellamy didn’t have any. His dad’s parents died far before he was born, and his mom’s parents were out of the picture. Gran was Octavia’s dad’s mother, but she was one of the best people in Bellamy’s life. She didn’t treat him differently. In her eyes, he was just as much her grandson as Octavia was her granddaughter. Unfortunately, she lived four and a half hours away. He didn’t get many chances to see her outside of Christmas and the rare Thanksgiving. 

Clarke starts fiddling with the radio dial, and he knows she’s thinking things over. When the dial falls off, she grimaces and twists it back on. 

“That’ll be good, right?” 

He shrugs, turns the engine off, and gets out of the car. He makes sure Clarke is following him before he crosses the street. They go around the block in silence, and when the coffee shop appears in their view, Clarke hums happily, making Bellamy smile. 

In line, he eyes the banana bread, but decides against it. Money is tight, and it’s going to be even tighter if his mom really is about to ship Octavia off. He orders a latte, a small because he’s already anxious and if he drinks more than that it’ll just make it worse, with three sugars. 

Clarke orders after him, and he’s only a little envious when she orders a slice of banana bread for herself. Once they get their coffees, they walk back towards his car to the park. There, they sit in the grass. Bellamy quietly drinks his coffee while Clarke busies herself buttering her banana bread. He watches as she finishes and breaks it in half, handing him the bigger of the two. 

“Clarke…” 

“Just take it. I saw you eyeing it, so don’t even say you don’t want it.” 

He wants to argue with her, but he’s too tired. 

He takes it, and his mouth waters when he smells it. “Thanks.” 

She takes a bite of her own, and falls back into the grass. 

Bellamy watches her, and something in his stomach swoops low and dangerous. He looks away. 

“I’m supposed to protect her. She’s my little sister, my responsibility.” 

Clarke takes another bite of her banana bread and turns her head so she can look at him. “Are you going to listen to me if I contradict you right now?” 

He huffs out a laugh, “Probably not.” 

She sits up, scoots closer to him, and rests her head on his shoulder.   
“Bellamy, listen to me. You didn’t fail her. You’ve been there for her for as long as I’ve known you.” 

“You’ve only known me for four years, which leaves plenty of time for me to have failed her.” 

“Shut up and listen when I’m trying to comfort you.” 

This time, his laugh sounds a little more genuine. 

“You are probably one of the most constant people in her life. But you’re not her parent, Bellamy. You’re just a brother. Brothers are allowed some slack every now and then.” 

He stays quiet, not knowing exactly what to say to that. Instead, he leans back and lets the soft grass catch the two of them. Feeling Clarke beside him keeps him grounded, keeps him from floating away with all the What If’s that are clouding his mind. 

They have a farewell for Octavia that Friday. It’s a small group of people. Monty and Jasper are there, of course, along with Monroe and Atom. Miller, Harper, and Murphy come, too. When Bellamy sees them walk through the house to the backyard where he’s grilling hamburgers, he thanks the stars that he has the friends that he does. 

Of course, Clarke comes too. But she’s barely left his side since Wednesday. He wants to tell her it’s not that big of a deal, but at the same time he’s filled with misplaced guilt. Whenever Clarke sees it passing over his features, she places a reassuring hand on his shoulder, and suddenly it seems a little more bearable. 

In the end, Octavia marches up to the two of them. It’s the first time she’s even looked in Bellamy’s direction all week. Even now, she’s not looking at him, but at Clarke. 

“Keep an eye out for my brother, will ya?” 

_ I’m right here, O. Look at me.  _

“I always do.” 

_ Look at me. This isn’t my fault. Look at me. I’m sorry. See me. Look, look, look…  _

She nods and walks back towards Jasper. 

Bellamy drives Octavia to Gran’s the next morning. If it wasn’t for the music, it would have been an unbearably silent trip. 

When they get to the house, O storms out of the car, past Gran, and into the house. 

Bellamy looks at Gran. She’s short, with a slight hunch back and long white hair braided away from her face. If he looks hard enough, he can see pieces of Octavia on her face, in her mannerisms. An apology is at the tip of his tongue, when she shushes him. 

“Don’t you dare, boy. You haven’t a thing to apologize for.” She pulls him in for a tight hug, and pats his back reassuringly. “Why don’t you come in and have a bite to eat? I know the drive is a miserable one.” 

Bellamy smiled down at her, “I wish I could, Gran. But I gotta get home to finish a paper.” 

She humphs, not pleased with his answer. “There’s more to life than school, boy.” 

His smile only widens, “I know, Gran.” 

Then she smiles mischievously, “Good thing I know you.” She lifts up a brown bag. “Packed you a lunch. A sandwich, with some of that homemade country ham you like so much, some fruit, celery and peanut butter, freshly made zucchini bread — don’t you dare make that face, it’s delicious — and some chocolate chip cookies. Do you need a drink? I can go fetch one real quick.” 

He takes the bag from her, “No, that’s fine. I have water in the car.” 

“Alright, well come here, boy.” She goes up on her tiptoes to give him another hug, and then she’s shoving him towards the car. “Go on and get home, now. I want you to call me when you get back  _ and  _ when you get the grade back for your paper. And don’t worry about that sister of yours. I’ll keep her on track.” 

“Yes ma’am,” Bellamy chuckles. 

He forces himself not to look in the rearview mirror as he leaves. 

The first time Bellamy climbs through Clarke’s window, is on her sixteenth birthday. The second, is after Clarke watches a horror movie for the first time. She’s scared, but doesn’t want to admit it to her mom. Naturally, she calls Bellamy, and he comes over without a second thought. After that, it just becomes a common occurrence. 

In May, a week before finals, Bellamy gets caught. 

Clarke was freaking out about Mr. Kane’s final so Bellamy came over to help her study, and the two of them fell asleep on her floor. The next morning, he made his way down to the kitchen, only realizing too late what he was doing when he saw Jake making blueberry waffles. 

Without looking up, Jake tosses a key over his shoulder to Bellamy, “Use the door next time. It’s easier.” 

Bellamy sputters, but Jake saves him. 

“You’re not nearly as stealthy as you think you are, Bellamy. Just be glad I know you won’t hurt Clarke.” Jake gives him a smile, and then motions for him to sit at the bar. He pushes three pancakes his way, “Better eat up before Clarke comes down. She’d eat all of these if we’re not careful.” 

Clarke makes her way down right as Bellamy is finishing his pancakes. As soon as she sees him, she freezes. 

“Shit.” 

“Don’t worry. Bellamy is going to use the door from now on.” Jake makes a point of looking at the key that’s besides Bellamy’s plate. 

“You’re not mad?” 

“A little, but we’ll talk later.” Still, he gives his daughter a soft smile. Bellamy’s heart lurches, finding an ache he thought had long ago healed. 

After that, it was like a dam broke. Bellamy was over more often than not, even when Clarke wasn’t there. He’d find himself on the couch with Jake, watching basketball or the latest episode of  _ Heroes _ . Jake would go out to the driveway and give Bellamy pointers in basketball. 

“Are you crushing on my dad?” Clarke asked one night after the three of them had gone out for ice cream. 

She was hanging upside down on her bed, and he was sprawled out on her floor trying to read  _ Eldest  _ again before  _ Brisingr  _ comes out in a few months. 

He looks up from the book and stares at her. “What.” 

She shrugs, or tries to, “The two of you have been spending a lot of time together is all.” 

He takes his glasses off and rubs his eyes, “Uh, I do not have a crush on your dad. It’s just nice to hang out with another guy, I guess.” 

She doesn’t point out that Bellamy has other guys. He has Miller and Murphy, even Jasper and Monty since O left. But she doesn’t mention it, just smiles at him and calls him a nerd for reading a book about dragons. 

Bellamy is really, really lucky to have her as his best friend. 

“You know you’re my best friend, right?” 

She falls off the bed and rolls closer to him, “Yeah, I know.”

When he sticks his tongue out at her, she pokes his nose. “You’re mine, too.” 

That summer, Bellamy gets a job at the cafe that Monty’s parents own, much to Clarke’s chagrin. 

“I’m bored, Bell.” 

He’s standing at the register, watching her with an amused expression, while he counts the till. “I’m being trained to close tonight, Clarke. Can’t really help you on that front tonight. Why don’t you do something with Harper?” 

She huffs out a breath, and yeah, Bellamy is aware of how cute she is right now. 

“She’s in Tennessee visiting her grandparents until the Fourth.” She pulls a strand of hair almost angrily and winces, “And don’t even mention Murphy and Miller. They’re idiots.” 

“They’re our best friends.” 

“No. We’re each other’s best friends. They’re idiots.” 

“What did they do now?” 

“Murphy peed on my cactus.” 

“Because of course he did.” 

“What are you doing tomorrow? I was thinking we could go kayaking on the river. Dad has two, so we wouldn’t have to rent them and–” She looks at him, and the look he is giving her is all she needs to know, “You’re working tomorrow aren’t you?” 

“Sorry, Princess. Lawn care alone isn’t cutting it. I have a few more payments to make on the piece of shit truck—”

“That truck gets us where we need to be. Don’t hate on it.” 

“—and then start putting aside some for college.” 

“You’re going to get scholarships, though.” Clarke waves off his concern, “It’s going to be fine.” 

“ _ Clarke.”  _ It comes out harsher than he intended. 

“What?! I just want to spend time this summer with my friend! Is that really too much to ask?” She deflates a little at the last part, and something in him softens. 

“Of course not, Clarke. But I need this job. I can’t just ask off or only work the minimum hours.” He runs his hands through his hair and lets out a sigh, “But I’m off on Sunday. We can do something then, yeah?” 

“Yeah, okay.” 

“Until then, go force Murphy to buy you a new cactus.” 

That summer, Clarke meets Finn Collins. Bellamy puts about sixty percent of the blame on himself, the rest he puts on Wells Jaha, Clarke’s  _ other  _ best friend. 

“Wells is coming this weekend!” 

Bellamy looks up from the half and half he’s steaming. He hates steaming half and half. “Who?” 

“Wells.” She’s says it so flippantly, like yeah he should definitely know who that is. “He used to be my neighbor until his dad ran for Representative and then Senate. They moved about six years ago? Maybe? I don’t know. It was a few years before I met you.” 

He pulls the pitcher down, expanding the milk. This is the part he hates. It always starts to smell like cheese. 

“Wait, is this the friend you didn’t talk to for six months because you thought he betrayed you?” 

“Yes.” 

“What did he do? Or not do, actually.” 

“I thought he told the girl I had a crush on that I liked her.” 

“And?” 

“It was actually my mom who let it slip.” 

“I feel like I need more info on that one.” 

She throws a sugar packet at him, and it hits him right between the eyes, “Shut up.” 

He mocks being offended and says, “Be nice to me. I’m making you free coffee.” 

Wells arrives the next day with Finn Collins in tow. 

Bellamy doesn’t hate him on sight, but it’s damn near close. 

“I hate him.” Bellamy declares when it’s just him and Miller later that night. 

Miller gives him an impressive side eye.

“Don’t look at me like that. Why are you even taking his side?” 

At that, Miller balks. “I am not taking his side. Mostly because there are no sides to take, asshole. But also, you just don’t like him because he was flirting with Clarke.” 

Bellamy sputters, “W-what? That asshole can flirt with Clarke if he wants. I don’t care.” 

“Then why do you hate him?” 

“His hair.” 

“And Clarke likes his hair.” 

“You wanna know what I like? You shutting up.” 

_ Clarke Griffin created a new group chat _

_ Clarke Griffin renamed the new group chat  _ ** _My Boys (and Harper)_ **

_ Clarke:  _ Wells wants to go to the lake. Who’s up for some tubing?

_ Murphy: _ Count me in. 

_ Harper _ : Sure

_ Bellamy _ : no. 

_ Mi ller: I’m coming, and I have Bellamy. _

_ Wells: Is Bellamy always this grumpy? _

_ Mu rphy: yes _

_ Miller: yes  _

_ Harper: yes _

_ Clarke:  sometimes _

_ Bellamy: i’m not grumpy. _

_ Clarke Griffin loved ‘i’m not grumpy’  _

_ Finn:  is this happening now? _

_ Wells:  yes  _

_ Finn:  dunno if i can make it  _

_ Clarke:  You have to come!  _

_ Finn:  fine youve convinced me. I’ll be there :)  _

_ Bellamy disliked ‘You have to come!’ _

** _New Message _ **

_ From  _ _ Clarke Griffin:  _ why 

_ Bellamy:  _ ???

_ Clarke: Finn. you’re being mean  _

_ Bellamy: his hair offends me  _

_ Clarke: shut up. You have great hair too  _

_ Bellamy: mine is better _

_ Clarke: no comment  _

_ Bellamy: !?!? _

_ Clarke: just dont let murphy cut it agian _

Finn asks Clarke on a date the next day. Bellamy is grumpy and miserable for the entire week, and he’s only a little ashamed over giving Clarke the cold shoulder. Not that she noticed. She was too busy sucking face with Pretty Boy. 

“Stop glaring.” Miller mumbles from his seat at the bar. 

Bellamy is working. It’s slow because it’s a million degrees outside and no one wants to leave the air conditioning to drive to a coffee shop. Thankfully his friends were bored enough to come see him. He’s currently less thankful that Clarke dragged Finn along with them. 

“I’m not glaring.” 

Miller snaps a photo of Bellamy and turns the phone around to show him, “Looks like you’re glaring to me.” 

“Shut up and delete that picture.” 

“Nah, I’m posting it now.” 

Miller taps on his phone for a few seconds, and then Bellamy’s own phone buzzes in his pocket. He pulls it out to see the photo of him with the caption  _ Who thinks Bellamy’s face will freeze like this? Like for no, comment for yes. _

“Have I told you that I hate you?” 

“Not recently, but it’s past due.” 

Clarke and Finn go on dates one after the other all throughout the sumer. As much as it annoyed Bellamy to have Clarke sitting at the counter of his work whining about not having anyone to hang out with because all of their friends have lives or work, he missed it. Even when he had days off, Clarke was busy with Finn. 

It was only when the entire group of friends got together that he would see her, and then she was so busy catching up with everyone, not just him, that it didn't really feel like quality time with his best friend. 

"All I'm saying is," Bellamy huffs out, "Is that they're spending too much time together." 

"She's spending the same amount of time with him as she did with you before he was in the picture." 

Miller, Bellamy decides, is his least helpful friend. 

Bellamy has the next afternoon off, so he spends it watching the History Channel with Jake. He doesn’t know where Clarke is, but if he had to guess it would be with Finn.

They’re in the middle of a JFK documentary when Clarke comes in, slamming the door shut behind her.

When Bellamy looks up, she looks more pissed than he’s seen her in a while.

Both him and Jake watch as she stomps up the stairs to her bedroom.

After a second of confused silence, Jake pats his leg. “I’m tapping you in.”

He looks at him, “Huh?”

“She’s your friend. Go talk to her.”

Bellamy wants to argue that daughter trumps friend, but Jake gets up and locks himself in his office. He takes a deep breath and then heads up the stairs. Her bedroom door is cracked open, so he nudges it with his toe and watches as she angrily throws pieces of paper in her trash can.

“What did the paper ever do to you?”

She looks up at the sound of his voice, and gives him a small smile, “Nothing. But it’s therapeutic.”

He walks the rest of the way in and sits on the edge of her bed, “What did lover boy do?”

Clarke turns away from him then, throws a few more pieces in the trash can before turning back around and facing Bellamy.

“Apparently there’s another girl he’s seeing back where he lives. They were on a break or whatever, but now the girl wants to get back together.”

Bellamy sucks in a breath, “So he ended with you?”

She nods, “Yeah, basically. Which, he was only a bit of summer fun, ya know? But it still sucks.”

Bellamy hasn’t really had time for dating between school and his two jobs, so he didn’t know. But he can imagine.

“Would ice cream make it suck less? Wells texted me that him and the others are going to grab ice cream and then have a bonfire by the lake.”

“Will Finn be there?”

He shrugs, “Don’t know. But we can uninvite him if he is.”

Clarke laughs, “That would be rude.”

“And breaking up with you wasn’t?”

She throws a pillow at him and laughs even harder.

A few seconds later, he gets a text.

_Jake: This is why I sent you up there_.

The group still didn’t have a lot of the same classes together, but they at least had lunch together this year. Towards the end of August, the hurricane was all anyone in their group wanted to talk about once they were together for lunch. 

“Do you think they’re going to cancel school?” Harper is sitting next Miller, picking grapes off of his lunch tray while he eats his and Murphy’s fries.

Murphy looks up from the salad he’s stabbing to death, “If it’s going to be as bad as they say, yeah.”

Clarke brought her own lunch, thanks to her dad, and Bellamy and her spend the first part of lunch swapping their lunches. Bellamy takes the apple juice and the hot cheetos, Clarke takes the oatmeal cookie and the nachos from his tray. Bellamy pokes the homemade lasagna she brought, until he finally decides he wants and eats half of it in one bite.

“My dad says it’s going to be really bad. He’s already stocking up on water and food.” Clarke says as she offers Bellamy an apple slice.

“It’s probably going to be like every hurricane we’ve had before. The coast gets a beating, but by the time it gets to us, it’ll die out.” Bellamy huffs out with an eye roll, “It’s not even a hurricane yet. It’s still a tropical storm and it’s supposed to make landfall in the next few days.”

“Yeah, but it’s moving slower than they thought it would. It could still be next week before it hits.”

“And the slower it takes the stronger it’ll be.”

Bellamy looks around the table and sighs. Every year the weather people make a big deal about a hurricane headed their way, and every year he watches his people get sandbags and board up their windows and buy bread and water with the last of their paychecks or credit cards. Hurricanes dig up something old and ugly in him, not because he’s experienced a bad one or because he’s scared, but because he has to watch the hurricanes turn his neighborhood’s lives upside down even if they end up being nothing more than a light thunderstorm.

“I guess we’re going to find out eventually,” He concedes and takes a crunching bite of the apple Clarke had given him.

A week passes, and the monster of a storm still refused to make landfall. It sits on the edge of the coast, releases more rain than Bellamy ever remembers seeing. Streets are already flooding, and the worst of it isn’t even here yet.

He’s at basketball practice when the lights flicker, and moments later Clarke is running through the gym doors with her backpack flying behind her.

“The intercoms aren’t working, but they’re letting us go home. It’s making landfall.” She’s out of breath, and Bellamy thinks she ran all the way from the library on the other side of the school where the young politicians meet every Thursday afternoon.

Bellamy catches the ball that a teammate threw at him, and looks at his coach.

“Alright, team, get out of here and be safe. We’ll probably have tomorrow off school, but I’ll see you all for Monday practice.”

Bellamy lets the ball fall to his feet and roll away, and walks over to Clarke.

“You need a ride a home?”

“Yeah, Dad isn’t answering his phone and Mom’s at work.”

He nods, grabs his bags from the bleachers, and walks out to the parking lot with Clarke. Bellamy is shocked to see that it’s so dark already. It’s only four, but it looks like it should be closer to midnight with the dark clouds blocking out the sun.

“Wanna grab some food on the way home?”

Clarke nods, “Might as well. Who knows how long we’ll be stuck at home while this thing moves over us.”

They stop at the diner that Vera Kane owns on the way to Clarke’s. They both order cheeseburger, fries, and a chocolate milkshake. They’re waiting on the milkshakes when the first sirens go off.

Bellamy looks around, “What are those?”

“Tornado warnings. You don’t have them?”

Bellamy shakes his head, but it’s more of a jerk than anything. His neighborhood has them, but they're currently out of service, and no one has heard them in years. 

“We might’ve should’ve gone straight home.”

Finally Vera comes to the counter with their milkshakes, “Here you kids go. Now get home before the weather gets worse. The first few bands are already here.”

They both mumble a yes ma’am, and then Bellamy is ushering Clarke back outside to his truck.

The drive to Clarke’s place is longer than usual, the rain and wind making it difficult to see the road. People have pulled over to the side of the road with their flashers on, but Bellamy can’t bring himself to do that. He just wants to get home.

When he pulls into Clarke’s driveway, Jake is sitting on the front porch waiting for them. He jogs up to the truck before Bellamy can turn it off.

“Go ahead and park your truck in the garage, Bellamy. Abby has to wait out the storm at the hospital, and your mom is working night shift and wants you to stay with us in case it gets bad.”

Bellamy doesn’t argue, just does as he’s told.

The storm comes late in the night while most of the people are sleeping. Bellamy is sleeping through it all on the palet he made on Clarke’s floor. He’s oblivious to the howling wind, the creaking houses, water rushing into his town, and the trees bending and snapping in two all around him.

He’s oblivious to it all until Clarke nudges him with her foot and motions him to follow. They end up on her screened in back porch, the wind sending shivers up and down their arms.

“I haven’t heard a storm sound like this in a long time.” She eventually whispers.

Bellamy nods, but all he can think is that he’s glad Octavia is further up north.

“What time did it land?”

She shrugs and leans further into his side, “Dunno, but a tree falling woke me up two hours ago.”

Bellamy wishes he could see out to her backyard, but the rain was so heavy, he could barely see five feet out.

Somehow they both fall asleep outside, and the next thing they know is Jake waking them up.

“Morning, sleepy heads. No hot breakfast today. Powers out.”

Bellamy stretches, and he thinks he’s too young for his bones to be popping, but they do anyway. Outside the wind is still angry and howling, but the sun is peeking around the clouds.

“Is it over?”

“Not by a long shot. The eye is over us right now. It’s still moving dangerously slow, but that means we have some time to kill before it starts raining on us again.” Jake slides his hands in his raincoat’s pockets. “You two want to join me? I was going to walk to the lake.”

They decide to walk with him, like Jake said, the power was out. It wasn’t like they could have done anything else other than sit and wait. The wind is still strong, and after a while Clarke makes a game out of trying to fall down into the wind. The wind is so strong and consistent, it holds her up.

They’re at a lake, when a branch breaks off one of the pine trees, and the wind decides to use it to try to take Bellamy out. Thankfully he sees it and is able to duck out of the way just in time. It did scratch up his face, though.

Just the first half of the storm had dropped enough water on them that the pier is already under water, but just by a few inches.

Clarke almost immediately runs out to it shouting, “Look, guys! I’m walking on water!”

They all laugh, and then Bellamy goes out to join her, and Jake takes pictures of the two of them having too much fun during a hurricane.

They don’t stay at the lake long. There’s no way for them to know when the weather will get bad again, so Jake leads the little party of three home after a few minutes.

The storm lasts all the rest of the day, and part of the night. No trees landed on the Griffin’s house, but branches scraped up the roof, and the wind had caused some of the shingles to fly off. Jake guesses there’s probably going to be leaks they need to have fixed sooner rather than later. The yard is covered in leaves and twigs and an occasional tree limb.

They all thought that was the worst of it until they look down the street. Both ways are blocked by old, giant pines lying on their sides.

Bellamy hears Jake sigh, “Looks like you’ll be staying with us for a few more nights, Blake.”

It takes them all working with the neighbors, but by late evening, they have the main road cleared so that people could come and go.

Abby comes home that night, and hugs Jake and Clarke so tight, Bellamy feels like he’s intruding, but then she comes and hugs him, too, so maybe he isn’t.

He stays with the Griffins again that night. Cell towers are still down, so he can’t get in touch with his mom, and Abby had said that it was awful out there. Buildings were gone, roads were washed away, and you never knew which road was going to be blocked off because of fallen power lines or trees.

He just hopes his house and neighborhood faired better than the ones Abby was describing.

That night, Clarke and him sit on the back porch, and he listens as she strums her guitar and plays whatever songs come to her mind. Lightning bugs come out, and a breeze comes to give them a little relief from the humidity. It’s a good night, Bellamy can almost forget the destruction around them.

Jake had bought one small generator, so they all pile into the living room and sleep on top of sleeping bags while one fan tries to keep them cool in the southern August heat. It helps, but it’s still hot and sticky, and it takes Bellamy a while to fall asleep.

The next few days are more or less the same. More people are starting to come out. And while there’s very few people driving around – gas is precious during times like these, and no one wants to waste it just to look around – there are quite a few families and groups walking around. Abby and Jake make a point to bring a wagon with them as they walk and fill it with food and water, just in case they come across someone who doesn’t have enough.

The lake fills with people. With no power and no running water, people stay in the water where it’s cool and hopefully helps they’re odor. It doesn’t help much.

Cell towers finally come back, and while the service is still spotty, Bellamy finally calls his mom.

“I haven’t been home, but people say the looting is really bad. You should probably just stay with the Griffins until everything is under control.”

Clarke is leaning in close, so she can hear both sides of the conversation. Bellamy looks at her when his mom says that, silently asking if that would be okay. She makes a face that translates loosely to he’s an idiot for even having to ask.

“Yeah, that should be fine. You doing okay?”

“I’m fine, Bell. The hotel is full, but we had some spare rollaways, so I snatched one up before anyone else could take it. We have plenty of food too, so we should be fine until the town gets back up and running again.” She pauses and then asks, “Do you guys have power?”

Bellamy snorts, “I’m pretty sure no one in the state has power or water, Ma.”

Aurora laughs, “Good point. Well, turn your phone off so you don’t waste battery. Call if you need anything.”

What happens next, happens so quickly, Bellamy wonders if time suddenly sped up, only for it to go excruciatingly slow the next moment.

It’s seven in the evening, the sun is still shining, and Bellamy is in the office reading a book he found on Jake’s shelves when the constant hum of the fan in the room over suddenly dies. He hears Clarke groan, a muttered curse from Abby, and then someone – probably Jake – tinkering with the generator.

The office window is open, and there’s a slight breeze, so Bellamy stays in the office, away from the sweaty and irritated women, until he hears Jake come back inside.

“The generator has died.” Jake announces as he walks through the open door.

Bellamy leans against the office door frame, the book resting on his hip, and it takes him a moment to comprehend what Jake had just said.

Clarke slouches further into the couch, almost as if her bones have gone liquid. Abby, on the other hand, sits up a little straighter and glares at the fan in front of her, as if it was the fan’s fault this happened.

There’s a pregnant pause, and then Bellamy hears Abby ask, “Doesn’t your friend have an extra?”

While Jake Griffin goes to get the spare generator, Bellamy and Clarke play a few rounds of WAR with the deck of cards they found in the kitchen junk drawer. It doesn’t take them long to get bored of the card games, and eventually they’re lying on the backporch, staring at the ceiling.

“You think the rest of our friends are okay?”

Clarke shrugs, and Bellamy feels it more than he sees her doing it, “Probably. Mom had to drive past the Millers house on the way home from the hospital, and said it didn’t look like they had any damage.”

“My neighborhood is in a flood zone.”

Clarke reaches out and takes his hand in hers, “I’m sure all of your friends are okay.”

Abby walks in, and when they hear her, they let each other’s hand go and sit up. As soon as Bellamy sees her face, his stomach drops. He knows that look. Someone died.

_His chest starts hurting, and all he can think is, Please don’t let it be Jake. Please don’t let it be Jake. Please don’t let it be–_

He looks over at Clarke. She seems more confused than anything.

Abby makes to move closer to her daughter, but something stops her.

“Clarke, sweetie, something has happened.” She uses her Doctor Voice, and that's when Clarke's body goes rigid. 

Bellamy looks through the window and sees Miller’s dad in the kitchen, and that’s when he knows.


	2. The One Where They’re Separated

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Triggers:  
mention of death, corpses, and gun violence  
slight mention of OD's and suicides (like, very slight. basically in passing.) 
> 
> I think that's it. But if you see something that might be triggering to someone, hmu and i'll add it. 
> 
> This chapter is a monster of a 15k word count  
and that was after i cut a scene and ended it earlier in the story than i planned so... 
> 
> I only read through this once, and my go-to beta has been super busy with life. so if there are any mistakes, I am incredibly sorry. and if there are any plot holes/mistakes leave me a comment and i'll try my best to explain/fix the problem. 
> 
> Happy Reading :)

Jake Griffin dies at 8:04 PM on August 31. Bellamy Blake gets arrested nearly twenty-four hours later. Aurora bails him out at midnight. 

She’s waiting for him in her old beat up Toyota Corolla when he walks out. His shirt is torn and bloodied, his shorts have mud, blood, and grass smeared over them, and his nose feels both flat as a pancake and the size of Jupiter simultaneously. It hurts with every pulse of his heart. 

“Bellamy,” Aurora starts, but she doesn’t finish.

He looks at his mom, and he feels as broken and lost as he ever has. “It was Dax, Ma.” 

And then he’s crying, and Aurora leans over and holds her son. 

Police Sergeant David Miller says it happened like this. 

Jake went to his friend’s house for the spare generator. Dax saw him loading it in the car, wanted it for himself. 

Dax asked Jake for a ride, only to pull a gun on him moments later. They make it to Dax’s street, and then Jake is shot. He’s left to bleed out in a ditch while Dax takes the car and the generator back to his house. After dropping the generator off, he takes Jake’s car to the next town over. 

The next night, on nothing but a hunch, Bellamy goes out to find Dax. He’s lucky David Miller showed up when he did. Otherwise, there might’ve been two funerals that week. 

After Aurora picks Bellamy up, they go home. For the first time since he was a child, she sits him down and cleans his cuts. 

“I thought you said you’d never clean me up after a fight again.” 

Aurora doesn’t look at him, just tuts and holds his face still while she washes the cut on his nose. “This seemed to be a pretty big exception to me.” 

She’s wiping the blood away from his eye when Bellamy admits, “I’m scared.” 

She tuts again and places a bandage over the cut nearest his left eye. “I know, but there’s no reason to be, sweetie.” 

Dax was locked away, after finding the gun that had shot Jake on his person. 

No one was going to press charges against Bellamy. 

The school wasn’t going to punish him. 

It was going to be okay. 

Yet he still felt like there was a creature living inside his chest, squeezing the life out of his heart.

Miller comes to see him the next day. He rides his bike because the roads are still a mess and the buses still aren’t running. 

Bellamy thinks he remembers his mom telling him that the bus station got hit pretty bad by the tornado, but he isn’t sure. 

They sit on the front steps to the Blake’s house in silence while they off brand nilla wafers and drink kool-aid. 

Bellamy mixed the red and blue packet together like Octavia used to do. 

He misses her. 

“Clarke hasn’t left her room since she found out.” 

“It’s only been a few days, Miller.” 

“Did you really beat up Dax?” 

“I think the accurate way of putting it would be that he beat me up. He pulled his gun out on me.” 

“How did you know it was him?” 

Bellamy shrugs, “Gut feeling.” 

Miller nods, “My gut is saying that you need to go be there for Clarke.” 

He ignores the key burning a hole in his pocket, and climbs through her window instead. 

She’s sitting in the middle of her room on her fluffy purple rug that she bought two years ago and staring at her wall that they painted yellow last summer. She doesn’t look up when he tumbles through the window. 

He sits beside her, and he almost immediately wishes they were either outside or downstairs. They still don’t have power, and heat rises. He’s already sweating. 

He sits with her until she’s tired of sitting. Then he walks with her, lies with her, sits with her again. He holds her when she finally breaks down crying, and he holds her and holds her and holds her until Abby comes up. 

Abby and Clarke decide to cremate Jake. With over half the city being without power, and the earth so soaked that bodies and old caskets are literally rising from the deep, cremation made the most sense. 

After the funeral, Abby and Aurora ship them both up north to stay with Gran. 

Bellamy gets a royal lecture from Aurora when he tells her he doesn’t have enough gas to drive to Gran’s. After lecturing him, she goes on a hunt. She asks all of their friends if they have any gas they can spare. She asks the hotel guests if they know of any gas stations on the way up north that still have gas. According to them, every gas station they drove past has bags over the handles. 

It takes a few days, but soon Aurora has gotten enough gas from their neighbors for them to make it all the way to Gran’s. 

Bellamy had known the hurricane damage was bad. He could see it in the fallen trees, ripped off roofs, washed away roads, and flipped cars. But he didn’t understand the magnitude of it until him and Clarke were on their way to Gran’s and saw the Coast Guard stationed with their guns at the tech school outside of town where all the emergency supplies and medications were being stored for pickup. 

“This is eerie.” He says after they pass it. 

Clarke doesn’t respond, just stares out the window and watches the farmland pass her by. 

Gran is sitting on her front porch with a cat in her lap playing with the end of her braid and two glasses of what Bellamy knows is sweet tea waiting on them. They barely make it out of Bellamy’s truck before she’s scurrying over to them and forcing them to allow her to hug them. 

“You poor things.” She rubs both of their backs, and then thrusts the sweet teas in their hands, “I can’t imagine going through a cat 5 hurricane and then having someone so dear to you pass away. Let’s get you both inside. Bell, leave those bags in the car. You and Octavia can come out and get them once you’ve rested a bit.” 

Bellamy watches as Gran takes Clarke’s elbow and leads her towards the house, “Now, Clarke, tell me how you know this ridiculous grandson of mine.” 

Gran’s house was like any other cliche country house. It had a long front porch with white railings and two rocking chairs that was usually always occupied by an orange tabby cat or an old black cat with one white toe and a missing leg. The windows had navy shutters, and the front and back entrances had a storm door before you got to the old oak doors that have heard more stories than the people living in the house. 

It was old, and Bellamy could always feel the age of the house as he walked in, the floors creaking with every other step. But it was an oldness that brought comfort and a sense of protection, not worry. The first floor had the kitchen and living room, and a small room that was once an office, but is mostly abandoned now. The stairs separate the kitchen from the living room, and the carpet is shaggy and still feels soft and clean to Bellamy’s bare feet, even after all these years. 

There are four bedrooms and a bathroom upstairs. Gran’s and Octavia’s to the left, and the room Bellamy thinks of as his and the guest bedroom to the right. In the hallway there was an old snoopy nightlight that Gran would turn on every night before she went to bed. It has been there since the first time Bellamy visited. 

The back porch was probably Bellamy’s favorite place of the house. It had an old wooden swing, a few more rocking chairs, and the railing was sturdy enough to hold him whenever he felt like perching on it. It oversaw all of Gran’s fields. Once, long before Bellamy had been born, the fields were filled with cattle, a mule that had a talent for jumping fences and escaping to the neighbor’s house, and two horses. Now they were mostly empty, except for a pig that Gran had grown too fond of to kill, and instead keeps it more as a pet than anything else, and any horses that the boy Lincoln from down the street volunteers to train. 

Gran calls him a boy, but really, he’s two years older than Bellamy. Bellamy figures that he’s not much of a boy anymore, and neither is Lincoln. 

Past the pastures and fields, the woods begin with trails and paths to keep you wandering for days. Bellamy and Octavia explored the woods endlessly as children, and he knows there’s some that had gone untouched by them. 

The best thing about Gran’s house, Bellamy thinks, is that it’s completely untouched by hurricanes and death. 

The first few days they’re there, Clarke barely speaks. She answers Gran when she asks her a question, but she doesn’t talk to Octavia and she barely looks at Bellamy. 

Gran must’ve seen the hurt on his face, because one night after a particularly silent dinner she reaches out and gives his hand a squeeze, “Give her time, son. She’s still processing this loss.” 

A few nights later, Bellamy is in the room he’s always known as his, even though he’s aware that at some point the room had belonged to someone else. Maybe it was a brother of Octavia’s dad, or a cousin, or a close family friend. Whoever it was that used to call this room theirs, Bellamy knows that it wasn’t a granddaughter’s half brother. Someone who’s not even blood to Gran, and yet. 

There’s a soft knock on his door, but before he can roll out of bed and open it, it creaks open, letting the light from the hallway shine into his otherwise dark bedroom. 

“Bellamy?” 

He sits up in bed and runs a hand through his already wild hair, “Are you okay? What’s wrong?” 

Clarke takes a step in his room, and slowly closes the door behind her. “I can’t sleep. It’s.. I keep seeing my dad.” 

Bellamy barely moves his head motioning her to come join him in bed, but she doesn’t hesitate coming to him and climbing in beside him. 

They lay down on their sides, facing each other, and Clarke’s eyes roam across the bruises on his face that are left over from his fight with Dax. 

She reaches out and runs her fingers over the scab on his jaw, “I keep imagining what his last few moments were. Wondering if he was in pain.” 

Her voice hitches at the end, and Bellamy reaches out and pulls her towards him. There’s nothing that can be said to make this better because of course Jake was in pain. He was left to bleed out, with no comfort. And now there’s no comfort he can say or give Clarke, other than the knowledge that he’s there and he’s not going anywhere. 

That night, Clarke cries herself to sleep. 

The plan was to stay with Gran for two weeks, but when two weeks come and go and the schools still aren’t up and running again, both Abby and Aurora think it’s best for the kids to stay until the schools open back up. 

Bellamy doesn’t care one way or another. Part of him craves to be back home, to help his neighborhood get back on its feet, and to be there for his mom. But another part, maybe even a larger part of him, is glad to be away with Clarke. She needed to get away from the memory of the hurricane and Jake, and being at Gran’s out in the country is definitely giving her part of the healing she needs. 

There are days when the two of them hop on the old four-wheelers early in the morning and ride around Gran’s and her neighbor, Indra’s land, not coming home until after the sun had set. Those days, they hurriedly pack sandwiches and beef jerky and water and sneak out of the house before anyone else was awake. They find their favorite spot by the creek that runs towards the back of Gran’s land and spend the hottest parts of the day there in the shade and wading in the water. Once the day starts to cool off, they get back on the four-wheelers and explore the trails. By the time they get home, they’re almost always covered in mosquito bites. 

Sometimes they don’t get back to the house until after Gran and Octavia had already eaten dinner. On those nights, Gran leaves them both a plate in the oven to stay warm, and Bellamy and Clarke eat together on the back porch. 

Bellamy spends those weeks out in the country watching Clarke and always making sure they’re doing something that seems to make her happy. But he’s also trying not to push her to make all the decisions. 

He doesn’t realize how obvious he’s being until Octavia calls him out. 

“Stop watching her as if you’re waiting for her to fall apart, Bell.” 

Her skin is darker than it was when he dropped her off last September, almost a full year ago. It’s almost as dark as his. She still looks and moves like the anger is making a home underneath her skin, but she doesn’t look like something that’s about to explode, something unrecognizable. Bellamy takes that as a good sign. 

“I’m not waiting for her to fall apart.” It comes out more defensive than he would like. 

Octavia gives him a look before looking back down at the pan of mac and cheese she’s cooking for herself. 

He rests his hip against the counter and grabs an apple from the fruit bowl. He makes sure there’s no rotten spots on it before taking a crunching bite from it. 

He’s still crunching away when Octavia speaks up again, “People, especially at school, used to watch me as if I was a bomb waiting for the timer to tick zero for me to explode. I mean, I get it. I was angry, still am, but those looks just made me more irritated and angry.” She turns the fire down and tests one of the shells. Content that it’s finished cooking, she goes to the sink to drain the water, “Don’t treat Clarke like she’s about to crack open. Just let her be Clarke.” 

As much as he hated to admit it, his sister had a point. After that conversation, he tries to do better. He’s still all about Clarke. They’re glued at the hip while at Gran’s, but he isn’t coddling her, either. If he wants to do something, he lets her know. If he doesn’t, he complains about it like he used to do. And soon, Clarke stops acting like a wounded bird. 

It’s one of their last nights at Gran’s, and they’re sitting on the back porch watching a deer and her baby cautiously make their way across the back field. It’s peaceful, and it takes a lot for Bellamy to remember the pain and destruction that they’ve left behind. 

“I feel like we’re in a different reality.” Clarke is on the wooden swing, legs pulled up to her chest, and Bellamy’s basketball sweatshirt hanging off her shoulder. 

He’s sitting on the railing, his back against the post, and one foot swinging back and forth. “What d’ya mean?” 

She lets her breath blow out her cheeks, and then releases it in one slow breath. “We’re in our own little bubble out here, Bellamy.”

He nods, agreeing with her, but not fully knowing where she’s about to go with this. 

“Sometimes I wake up and forget that he’s dead. Sometimes I remember, but it doesn’t feel real. Some days I just don’t think about it, and then it comes crashing back and I feel guilty. I feel safe here, but I know that’s going to change when we go back home. I don’t know if I can handle the real world, Bell.” 

Bellamy stays quiet. He’s dealt with grief before. His own dad died when he was young, but he doesn’t remember the pain of having a parent being ripped away from you unexpectedly. Instead, he knows the pain of the gaping hole they leave behind in their place. He knows the pain of losing friends to shootings and overdoses and suicides. But that’s not the same as having your dad being taken away from you because of something as trivial as a generator. 

His pain is different than hers, and he’s trying to remind himself that that’s okay. 

“We’ll figure it out together.” 

When school finally starts back, no one is entirely sure what to do. Not even the teachers. 

Every building in the high school and middle school either flooded or had damage from a tornado during the storm. The month they didn’t have school, they used that time to dry out the rooms and ceilings hoping that they’ll prevent mold from coming later on. 

The textbooks that they’re given for most of their classes are damp, and Bellamy can already smell the mold growing in them. 

Ark High ensures all the parents and students that as soon as they can afford it, new textbooks will be on their way. Bellamy briefly wonders if the same will be promised to South Mecha, who’s buildings and families are in worse conditions than Ark High. 

The coffee shop’s roof caved in during the hurricane. Surprisingly, they didn’t have a lot of water damage, and the register and espresso machine are still in working condition. The grinder, however, didn’t make it out quite so lucky. 

It takes them four weeks after Bellamy comes home from Gran’s to get the coffee shop up and running, and those four weeks without work has Bellamy itching and on edge. If he still had the yard work, he wouldn’t be as stressed, but once everyone got the fallen trees and limbs off their lawn, they were more focused on simply surviving than having manicured lawns. 

He’s sitting on Clarke’s floor, trying to focus and study for Mr. Kane’s test that’s on Thursday, but he’s too preoccupied worrying about money. College is ticking closer and closer, which only makes his stress go higher and higher. 

“You’re worrying too much, Bellamy. You’ll get a scholarship, the coffee shop will open back up, and eventually you can work on people’s yards. You’ll be back to being your workaholic self in no time.” 

He slams his book shut, but it’s not nearly as satisfying as it should be because of the water damage. 

“You don’t get it, Clarke!” 

He knows he’s made a mistake by yelling at her almost as soon as he opens his mouth, but he can’t turn his anger off. He can’t hold it in anymore. 

“You sit here in your perfect house in your perfect neighborhood with freshly paved roads and clean sidewalks and bus stops with covers! You’re set! You don’t have to worry about money – you haven’t had a worry your entire life! You’re going to college! You’ll get scholarships and even if you don’t, your mom can pay out of pocket!” His voice goes bitter, and he hates himself even more, “But guess what? I don’t have a mom that can just pull out thousands of dollars for tuition.” 

Clarke stares at him, her face blank and emotionless. “Get out.” 

And he does, leaving all his textbooks and backpack behind. 

The next day, his books and backpack are in his desk in his homeroom. When he looks over to Clarke’s seat beside his, she’s watching him. A small smile appears, and then she focuses her attention back on her book. 

They don’t talk about it. 

They don’t talk about a lot. They stop talking about Jake, which is mainly Clarke’s doing. They stop talking about Octavia, a little because she’s doing so much better and a little because Clarke stopped asking. They stop talking about college and upcoming tests and their extracurriculars. 

In November, Bellamy starts working at the coffee shop again. He starts coming in to open, even if it’s only for two hours, and then coming straight to school, only to go back and work a closing shift after basketball practice. On the weekends he tutors kids from his neighborhood and then picks up shifts at the coffee shop. Bellamy doesn’t know if that’s why he stops seeing Clarke as much, or if it’s because of another reason. Either way, guilt fills him up. 

He’s two weeks into his grueling schedule when Aurora pulls him to the side on his way out one morning, “Are you okay?” 

She gives him a look he knows all too well. She’s worried, but she doesn’t know how to go about fixing it. Sometimes in their community, there’s nothing to fix. Sometimes it’s something you have to power through. 

“Ma, I’m fine.” He tries to go for comforting, but he hears how defensive he sounds even to his own ears. 

She takes a deep breath, holds it for a minute before letting it out. “It’s just that you’re working so much. I haven’t seen you with any of your friends, even Clarke.” 

He rolls his eyes, and she slaps his shoulder gently. 

“There’s more to life than just friends.” 

Her hands are on her hips when she counters with, “There’s also more to life than working.” 

“You’re one to talk.” 

Her face goes stern, and he knows he stepped out of line. 

“Bellamy Blake. You know I work as much as I do to provide for you and Octavia.” 

“And I’m working as much as I am so I can afford college and get a better life for all of us!” 

Aurora sighs, hands falling limp by her sides, “We’ll figure out college together, Bellamy. I’m not going to have you work your childhood away because of college. I’ll take out a loan if I need to.” 

He feels like crying, but he holds his tears back. Boys and girls can’t afford to cry where he’s from. “But you shouldn’t have to, Ma!” 

“I’ll worry about that. You just worry about being a kid.” 

His work load lessens after that conversation with his mom. He’s not exactly happy about it, but if it helps ease his mom’s worry, he’ll knock off a shift or two during the week. He stops tutoring and working at the coffee shop on Sundays all together, and on Mondays he stops coming in before school. 

He climbs through Clarke’s window the first Sunday he has off. It’s in the middle of the day, and he knows Abby isn’t home. She’s been working more and more ever since the hurricane, since Jake’s death. He could use the door, but something in him balks at the idea now. The key Jake gave him is still on his keyring, it still burns a hole in his pocket, but he hasn’t been able to use it since Jake’s funeral. 

Clarke is propped up in her bed, her macbook Abby had bought her a few weeks ago in her lap as she watches a movie. She doesn’t even flinch when he opens the window and falls in her room. 

“Good to know you’re alive.” She mutters without looking up. 

He rolls his eyes as he makes his way over to her bed, “I’ve been busy.” 

She looks up at him then, a frown etched on her face, “Too busy for your best friend?” 

He knows he deserves it, but it still hurts. He digs through his backpack, and pulls out a small white paper bag. 

“Thought I’d might need forgiveness, so I bought you these.” He tosses her the bag of donut holes from their favorite donut shop that sits nearly smack dab in the middle of their two houses. 

Her eyes light up and she doesn’t hesitate shoving one of them in her mouth, “You were already forgiven, but these definitely help anyway.” 

He laughs and lies down, his feet propped up on her pillows because he knows she hates it. 

“You’re gross.” 

“You love me.” 

“You didn’t get yourself any?” 

He kicks his shoes off, causing Clarke make a disgusted face, “I already ate mine. The walk here was longer than I remembered.” 

“Yeah, the walk gets longer the shittier a friend you are.” 

Bellamy sticks his big toe in her ear and laughs when she squeals. 

Clarke’s grades start to dip, and Bellamy tries his best not to stress over it. She’s not Octavia. She isn’t his responsibility. 

And yet, a part of him is screaming out at him demanding that she is. 

They’re in the library on the second floor. Bellamy doesn’t know if he’ll ever be used to the size of Ark High’s library. They’re supposed to be studying for their AP English test on the  _ Iliad _ , but Clarke is ignoring her book and focusing more on whatever social media she has pulled up on her computer. 

“You really need to be studying, Clarke. The test is tomorrow.” He hadn’t seen her study since they were given the study guide. He doubts hers is even filled out. 

She flicks her eyes at him and then back to the screen, “I’ll study tonight.” 

He knows she won’t. She knows she won’t. But he doesn’t say anything. 

She flunks her test, and instead of asking for redo or studying for the next exam, she goes to a party with Monty and Jasper and gets high. 

He finds her on a couch between the two idiots, a blunt in her hand, and eyes bloodshot. 

He gets her in his truck, and they don’t talk all the way back to her house. As he pulls in her driveway and parks, she huffs out.

“I don’t get why you’re so mad about this. It’s no big deal. You need to lighten up.” 

He tightens his grip on the steering wheel, and clenches his jaw shut. 

Clarke doesn’t take the hint. “You should’ve joined us.” 

He tries to stay as calm as he can when he says, “Yeah, I should’ve joined in so I can risk getting kicked out of all the extracurriculars I’m in and lose chances of scholarships.” 

Clarke laughs, but it sounds empty and hollow, “Not this again with the scholarships. You’re so uptight about college.” 

He doesn’t say anything. He doesn’t want to get in another fight with Clarke about something so irrelevant to their friendship as college. It’s a year and a half away. It shouldn’t be this big of a deal yet. 

“I just wanted to turn everything off for a night. That’s not so bad, is it?” 

Bellamy takes a deep breath, “No, it isn’t.” 

He unbuckles his seatbelt and opens his door, “C’mon. Let’s get inside.” 

Once inside, they turn on a movie and curl up on the couch together. Bellamy gets them drinks and snacks, and they settle in for the night. 

They barely get fifteen minutes into the movie before Clarke falls asleep, her head leaning against his shoulder. 

He stays with her until Abby comes home, and then he slips out from under her, and goes home. 

After that night, Bellamy makes a point to be a little more focused on Clarke. He invites her over for study sessions, and makes sure she actually studies while she’s with him. He asks her about her other classes and encourages her not to skip classes. 

He doesn’t know if it’s helping. Some days he feels like he’s doing more harm than good. She gets frustrated and irritated, taking it and all her anger and hurt out on him. He lets her, but everytime it happens, he feels a little bit closer to exploding. 

She passes all of her classes, but barely. Under normal circumstances, the school would remove her from all AP classes, but because of the hurricane and Jake’s death, they made an exception. But only if she pulls her grades up by first term next year. 

The summer before their senior year, Harper and Murphy, of all people, become sentimental. 

“This is our last summer as high schoolers, y’all.” Murphy’s southern drawl is long and tired. He somehow manages to fit three syllables in the word  _ last _ . 

“Shouldn’t we be doing something special?” Harper has her head in Miller’s lap while he reads beside his pool. 

Murphy has his feet dangling in and is constantly rubbing sunscreen on himself. When teased about it, he just gives them a blank look, “I’ll be the one laughing when I’m the only one out of you lot who doesn’t have skin cancer.” 

Clarke was the first one out and was able to grab the only chair by the pool and quickly claimed it as her own, “Isn’t this special enough? When was the last time we were all together doing absolutely nothing?” 

“Technically Miller’s reading, so he’s still not doing nothing.” Bellamy adds just to be difficult. 

“Technically I hate you and you’re the worst.” 

He just laughs. 

They don’t plan to do anything elaborate that summer. But during lazy nights in the pool, floating down the river, and picnics in the park, they plan a final trip for them all to go on together next summer. They know it probably won’t happen, but they’re still kids and still can dream.

Bellamy thinks he’s pretty damn lucky to have the friends he has. 

He goes into his senior year thinking it will be the hardest one yet. He’s surprised to find out it’s probably his easiest year since transferring to Ark. He’s not mad about it. 

He finally has a class with Clarke again. It’s fourth period and an elective. Resource Management is the easiest class he’s ever taken. They just learn about taxes and bills and how to write checks, as if anyone still has a checkbook, and how to keep your bank account balanced. 

They’re both taking it because they have no other classes to take, and they’re stuck with a bunch of freshmen babies. 

Bellamy knows most of it already, and finishes his assignments early because of it. So he brings his mp3 and listens to music with his head down while Clarke tries to help teach the babies. It only takes a week before Bellamy is helping them, too. 

In his other classes, they still have the old moldy textbooks. The school promises they’ll have new ones by next year. For most of the classes. 

On the one year anniversary of Jake’s death, Clarke asks Bellamy to drive her up to Gran’s for the weekend. 

He doesn’t say no. 

They stay three days and two nights, skipping a day of school. Both nights, Clarke crawls into bed with Bellamy after Gran and Octavia fall asleep. 

“I think I like Clarke.” 

Bellamy slams his gym bag down next to Miller’s on the bleachers. Miller is tying up his laces, and doesn’t look nearly as phased as Bellamy thinks he should. 

“Funny,” Miller finally says looking up at him, “Because the rest of us know this.” 

Bellamy steps on Miller’s new shoes. 

“Dude! You’re going to mark up my shoes!” 

Bellamy goes to step on them again, but Miller moves his feet just in time. 

“You’re supposed to be helping me think through this crisis.” 

“Is this a crisis? I wasn’t aware.” 

“She’s my best friend.” 

“ _ I’m  _ your best friend. She’s your Clarke.” 

“What does that even mean?” 

“You love her.” 

Bellamy chokes on his water, “ _ Love?!”  _

“You’re so dense. How are you in the top ten of our class?” 

He decides he’s going to make a big romantic gesture out of asking her to prom. He’s still working on the plan when it all comes crumbling down. 

Clarke comes to support him during one of his debate meets, and meets his archnemesis from Polis Academy, a school more pretentious than Ark High – Lexa. 

Before he can even process what’s happening, they’re dating. 

They’re  _ date  _ dating, not whatever the hell her and Finn did. 

Lexa even starts coming to Clarke’s track meets, and that’s the  _ worst.  _

The first time Bellamy sees her there, she’s standing off by herself. Despite not liking her on a nuclear level, he does what his mom would want him to do. 

He steps up beside her, and she doesn’t exactly looked pleased by his appearance. 

“Our friends are all standing near the bleachers. We have snacks and chairs if you want to join us.” 

She doesn’t look at him when she says, “No, I think I’ll just stay here.” 

Bellamy shrugs, “If you change your mind, you know where to find us.” 

Lexa doesn’t change her mind. 

She doesn’t sit with them at any of Clarke’s track meets. She doesn’t come hang out with them when they all get together for movie nights or bombard the coffee shop when Bellamy’s working. She doesn’t come to anything at all unless she knows she can convince Clarke to leave after five minutes. 

At least, that’s how Bellamy sees things. 

Bellamy thinks it might just be him, but Wells says something and then Harper and even Murphy complains about missing his other half of his slytherin heart. Somehow Bellamy is appointed to be the one who talks to her about it. 

The two of them get brunch together on a Sunday. Clarke gets chicken and waffles, and Bellamy gets cinnamon apple crepes. It’s a splurge for him, but he tries not to think about how much gas the price of the food would’ve gotten him, or how much closer he would’ve been to his summer goal for his savings account had he chosen not to get anything but a coffee. 

“What’re your plans for the rest of the day?” He thinks she might say studying, since the school is so on her case about it, but she doesn’t. 

“I’m going to Lexa’s at noon.” She says, smiling around the bite of chicken she just took. 

Bellamy looks at his watch. It’s 10:30. 

“That’s cutting it a little close with having brunch, isn’t it?” 

Clarke scrunches up her face, as if she doesn’t know what Bellamy is talking about. 

“Not really. I’m sure we’ll be done by then.” 

Bellamy loses his appetite, but he takes a bite anyway. He’s not wasting the food he just bought because his best friend is being utterly ridiculous. 

“Oh,” He isn’t sure what to say. 

_ Is there really anything  _ to  _ say?  _ A voice echoes in his head. 

Clarke tilts her head to the side, giving him a soft smile, and Bellamy thinks this would be a lot easier if he wasn’t in love with her. 

He takes a breath and readies his heart for hurt, “I just assumed we’d have the day to catch up.” 

Her face falls, and he hates that he was the one that caused it. 

_ She deserves to be happy, even if it’s not with me,  _ he thinks to himself.  _ After everything she’s been through last year…  _

“But obviously you can go hang out with Lexa. You know what they say about assuming.” 

She smiles at him then, reaches out and takes his hand. “You’re a good friend, Bell.” 

He smiles back, but it feels forced. 

“So you and her are doing good?” 

“Yeah!” She starts telling him about some roadtrip they went on last weekend to go to this one specific thrift shop three towns over. Bellamy takes the opportunity to check his phone. 

_ Murphy Created New Group Chat  _

_ Murphy Named Chat The Goon Squad  _

_ Murphy: How’s the intervention going?  _

_ Miller: Why is there another group chat  _

_ *Miller left the group The Goon Squad*  _

_ *Murphy added Miller to the group The Goon Squad* _

_ Murphy: Nathan. Stop.  _

_ Miller: I am currently in 23 group chats and ur in 19 of them  _

_ Miller: I see u enough during the week _

_ Miller: I dont need this stress in my life  _

_ Murphy: first of all you can never have too much of me  _

_ Murphy: second of all the point of this group is not me  _

_ Murphy: its bellamy intervening clexa.  _

_ Miller: are we calling them clexa now? _

_ Murphy: obvs  _

_ Bellamy: guys leave me alone  _

_ Miller: Oh no.  _

_ Miller: he seems stressed  _

_ Murphy: do not chicken out of this Bellamy Blake  _

_ Murphy: You are our designated Clarke Handler™ _

_ Bellamy: I didnt want this title or responsibility  _

_ Miller: too bad  _

_ Murphy: suck it up. U got it anyway  _

“Why is your phone blowing up? Is someone messaging in our group chat? I don’t have any messages.” _ _

Bellamy wants to punch both Miller and Murphy, but especially Murphy. “Uh, no. That was just Miller.” He watches her face for any sign of her not believing him, and when she gives him a flat look he adds, “And Murphy.” 

“Oh, that makes more sense. Wait, y’all have a group chat without me?” 

His phone buzzes again. Despite his better judgment, he looks at it. 

_ Miller added Wells Jaha to the group The Goon Squad  _

_ Murphy: why would you add him  _

_ Murphy: Now i have to change the name  _

_ Murphy: he is not a G o o n  _

_ Miller: wells ignore him  _

_ Miller: we have a problem  _

_ Miller: we elected Bellamy to intervene clexa  _

_ Wells Jaha: we’re calling them that now?  _

_ Miller: blame John.  _

_ Murphy: hey!  _

_ Miller: back on topic. Blake is about to chicken out  _

_ Murphy changed the group name to No Longer The Goon Squad  _

_ Wells Jaha: just go about it gently. Remind her that we’re just worried and miss our friend. Surely she won’t get upset.  _

_ Murphy: lol bellamy is not gentle  _

_ Miller: he is with Clarke  _

_ Bellamy: i hate all of you except wells  _

_ Wells: *kissy face emoji*  _

_ Bellamy: no. i hate u too now.  _

He looks up at Clarke, and blinks. 

Clarke immediately looks concerned, “What’s wrong? Why are you being so weird?” 

“Look, it was just Wells and–” 

“ _ Wells  _ is in this group too?!” She looks genuinely hurt, and… 

And this is not going well already. 

“It’s not a group chat we use often. It was just made today by Murphy, so you know it’s not a serious group chat.” 

“Yeah,” She nods, “I’m in thirteen groups with him right now, and I think he made all but four.” 

He goes to say something, ask her about Lexa again, see if she thinks they’re spending too much time together, but no words come out. 

“Bellamy, you’re being really weird. When was the last time you had trouble telling  _ me _ something?” 

The answer slips easily from his lips, “Seventh grade when I hated you.” 

“You hated me?! Geez, I had a crush on you.” 

Bellamy chokes and spits out his orange juice, “I’m sorry, what?”

She shrugs like it’s not a big deal, and it’s not. Not really. Part of him wants it to mean something, for that crush to have lingered and still be lurking in the shadows even if she’s dating Lexa. But she’s dating Lexa, and that crush was five years ago. They were kids. It doesn’t mean anything now. They’re seniors in high school, about to go to college, and Clarke is in love with Lexa. 

“Yeah, I wanted to ask you to homecoming in seventh grade, but you were so grouchy still. So I just asked next year.” 

“ _ That’s  _ why you asked me to homecoming?” 

Another shrug, “figured you knew and just didn’t want anything else to come from it.” 

“No, I had no idea.” 

_ And if I did, would things be different right now?  _

After that admission, Bellamy can’t confront her about Lexa. 

He tries again two weeks later. 

Miller and him are at Murphy’s golf tournament, and Clarke said she’d meet them there, but they’re a half hour in, and she still hasn’t shown up.

“Murphy is going to be pissed if she misses the whole thing.” Miller adds unhelpfully. 

“I’m aware.” 

They share a look, and when Harper shows up with Monty and Jasper, and Clarke still is missing, Bellamy steps away to text her. 

_ Bellamy: Are you alive? _

_ Clarke: yeah! Sorry not going to make it. Something came up with Lexa.  _

Bellamy doesn’t respond. He doesn’t think he can without coming off as a dick. 

The next day, Bellamy and Clarke are in homeroom, and she has her phone out texting Lexa. 

“Why didn’t you come to Murphy’s tournament yesterday?” 

She looks up from her phone, “Huh? Oh, Lexa didn’t feel like going, but still wanted to spend time together.” 

Something curls up in the pit of his stomach. He takes a deep breath, and tries to release the ugliness in his stomach as he breathes out. 

“He’s really hurt that you didn’t come.” 

Finally, she puts her phone down and looks at him. “It’s Murphy. He’ll get over it.” 

_ You can do this, Blake. Just do it. Like a bandaid, just rip it off.  _

“Do you think that maybe you and Lexa are spending too much time together?” 

The look she gives him tells him that the thought never even crossed her mind. 

“Do you think we are?” 

The question surprises him. He didn’t think that his opinion about her relationship really mattered to her. 

“Uh, well.” He blinks, “Maybe a little. You’ve been pretty MIA lately.” 

“You think?” 

He nods, “I mean you’d never miss Murphy’s tournament before this, and you’ve missed out on some prime game and movie nights. We’re all missing you.” 

She’s quiet for a moment, and he can see her thinking it over. 

“If you really think I’m not spending enough time with you guys, I’ll try to do better.” 

Bellamy lets out a breath, and the ball in his stomach uncurls, and the claws squeezing his chest loosen. “That’s all we’re asking.” 

They both smile, and for the rest of the day Bellamy feels like he has his best friend back. 

It doesn’t last. 

She does better for a few weeks, but after that it goes back to how it was. And then it gets worse. 

She misses out on Harper’s archery tournament, Miller’s BBQ, and she slowly stops coming to Bellamy’s basketball games. 

She still comes to his debate meets, and Bellamy tries to be glad about that. But an ugly voice in him keeps saying it’s only because Lexa is there, too. 

She comes to their Friendmas, but leaves after a half hour to get dinner with Lexa. 

January comes barreling in with surprising ice storms that shut the city down for two days. His friends try to have a snowball fight. The snow is more ice than not, and they quickly learn that it hurts more than it’s worth. At the end of the month, Bellamy receives an email from the college in town. He was accepted, and got one of the largest scholarships the school offers. 

Now he only has about ten more essays to write to apply for the other scholarships. Yet all he wants to do is celebrate. 

_ Bellamy: You busy?  _

_ Clarke: Out with Lexa. I can come over later?  _

_ Bellamy: Don’t worry about it.  _

_ The Goon Squad _ _   
_ _ Bellamy: ya boy got the scholarship. Who’s up for a celebration? _

_ Murphy: Can we make it a double celebration? Bc Miller just got his acceptance letter.  _

_ Bellamy: bonfire with s’mores? _

_ Miller: count me in. _

_ Murphy: yasssssss _

_ Miller removed Murphy from the group The Goon Squad  _

_ Bellamy added Murphy to the group The Goon Squad  _

_ Murphy: one day i’ll be gone and both of u will miss me  _

By February, Bellamy barely sees her outside of their shared classes. If someone asked, he’d tell them they’re still best friends, but it doesn’t feel like it to him anymore. 

In March, Clarke excitedly tells him that Lexa agreed to go to prom with her. Bellamy tries to find it in him to be excited for her, but he doesn’t think he quite makes it. 

Gina, a soft-spoken girl in his physics class, asks him to prom a few days later. Bellamy says yes. 

It’s the first warm day of the year, and Bellamy takes advantage by sitting out in the courtyard during lunch to enjoy the sun on his skin. 

He’s sitting on the wall, eating an apple, and wondering how busy work will be that night. Last night when he closed, he had a group of customers come in at the last minute, and it completely disrupted his closing routine. He didn’t get out of there until nearly midnight, a whole hour later than he usually does. He’s not really looking forward to that happening again. 

He thinks about texting Octavia. They’ve been texting more lately, and she seems better, healthier. 

His eyes are closed as he’s soaking up the sun, and he’s still thinking about whether or not he has the energy to get his phone out of his backpack to text his sister, when another body jumps up on the walls and scares him. 

He mutters a few curses and opens his eyes only to find Clarke perched beside him. 

“What are you doing here?” 

She shrugs, “You weren’t at lunch.” 

Bellamy wants to say he’s surprised she noticed, but instead he says, “Felt like enjoying the weather today.” 

They only get a few weeks of good weather in the south before things get either too hot and humid or too rainy and cold. He’s going to be outside as much as he can before the weather becomes unbearable. 

She smiles and leans against him, resting her head on his shoulder. 

“I miss you.” He says, and it sounds a little too much like  _ I love you.  _

She sighs, “I know.” 

They sit like that until the bell rings, and he slides off the wall to go to his next class. He’s about to go inside the building when Clarke yells out. 

“You’re my best friend, Bellamy Blake.” 

He hopes that’s enough to get them through this. 

And it is, until it isn’t. 

Clarke misses his big birthday dinner because she goes to the coast with Lexa and doesn’t make it back in time. 

For him, that’s the final straw. 

It’s immature, and he’s well aware of that, but he doesn’t care. He gives her the silent treatment. He goes as far as leaving all the group chats that she’s in. 

_ Miller: Dude. u good?  _

_ Bellamy: dont wanna talk about it  _

_ Miller: playing ball at the courts by the middle school. U comin?  _

_ Bellamy: be there in twenty.  _

Prom arrives quickly, and soon he’s picking out a corsage for Gina. He only feels a little like he’s been a bad prom date so far. They haven’t really made any plans, other than riding with his group of friends and coordinating their colors. He tells himself that he shouldn’t feel guilty. He’s doing what’s expected of him, even if it is the bare minimum. 

Lexa and Clarke don’t go to prom with the rest of them, which is fine by Bellamy. 

The group meets up at the golf club house at five. They take pictures together and eat dinner, and then a limo takes them to the dance. A local radio dj is DJing the dance, and it’s all loud music and bright strobe lights. It gives Bellamy a headache almost as soon as he walks in, but his friends and Gina are having fun. And he is, too, if he’s being completely honest. 

He finishes dancing with Gina and goes to get them both a drink. The air is blasting, but with as many bodies in one place, the room is getting hot. He’s thinking about going outside to get fresh air, when he sees Lexa and Clarke talking in the corner. 

He can’t read Lexa very well, never could even during debate, but he can read Clarke better than he can read himself. She’s upset. 

Clarke yells something at her then, and he can’t hear the words but he can hear the tone. He’d bet that if he was closer, he could see tears swelling up in her eyes. 

Lexa walks out the side entrance. Bellamy watches as a few minutes later, Clarke leaves in the other direction. 

Bellamy goes back to Gina with their drinks. 

He hands it to her, “Hey, I’m sorry about this but…” 

She holds up her hand, “Bellamy. I know. Go check on Clarke. I’ll be fine.” 

Bellamy has a brief thought of wanting to kiss her, but it disappears when he thinks of Clarke. 

“You’re literally the greatest person ever. Thank you.” 

He turns to go after Clarke, but Gina’s gently touch on his elbow stops him. 

“Bellamy, promise me something?” 

“Anything.” 

“If you’re ever not in love with Clarke, call me.” 

He smiles, ducks his head, and walks away. 

Her car is gone when he gets outside, so he walks to the nearest bus stop and waits. He only gets a few weird looks for being so dressed up and riding the bus. When he gets to her house, her car is in the driveway, but all the lights are off. 

He climbs the fence to get to the backyard, and goes to the old oak that has seen the growth of their friendship, the death of Jake, and their many laughs and nights together. He doesn’t know why he’s getting sentimental over a damn tree. Maybe it’s because they’re all about to go off to college. Maybe it’s because he’s losing his best friend. Maybe it’s because he feels like he has no control of his life, and he’s learning he never really did to begin with either.

He takes off his shoes and socks, and climbs up the tree. 

Her window is still unlocked. At least that he can count on. 

His entrances through her window have never been graceful, but he really shows off his clumsiness this time. 

She’s curled up in her bed in paint stained leggings and a sweatshirt that he’s pretty sure is his. 

She’s peeking at him from underneath her pillow, “I thought you were mad at me.” 

He sits up where he fell and shrugs, “Yeah, but that doesn’t mean I won’t check on you when I know you’re upset.” 

She sniffles, and goes back to hiding. 

He crawls over to her bed and sits on the floor. Her hand dangles off the bed, and she blindly reaches for him. 

He takes her hand in his. “What happened?” 

Another sniffle and then, “Every person who says they love me leaves.” 

His heart constricts. He gives her hand a reassuring squeeze. 

“Wells moved away. My dad died. My mom buries herself in her work. Lexa leaves the first time she gets frustrated. You were even giving me the cold shoulder. It’s not fair.” 

He wants to tell her that she deserved the cold shoulder for being a bad friend, but he doesn’t. 

“I’m here, Clarke.” 

She stays quiet, traces circles on his hand with her thumb, and sniffles softly. 

“Are you going to tell me what happened with Lexa?” 

She tugs on his hand. He gets the hint and gets on the bed with her. He doesn’t lie down, just sits next to her. 

“I was upset because I missed Dad. He should be here, ya know? I’m about to graduate and he should be here. He should’ve been taking pictures of me tonight and been to all my track meets and, and he just should’ve been here. And I was crying and Lexa just didn’t  _ understand!  _ And then there was this huge fight that I don’t even know how it started and then she  _ left.  _ She left me, Bellamy.” 

“I’m sorry, Clarke,” Is all he can say. 

She sits up then, almost startled, “You shouldn’t’ve left Gina!” 

He smiles then, something soft and sad, “She understood.” 

She relaxes at that, and then perks up. “I haven’t been able to tell you the news!” 

She’s so excited that all the mean comments bubbling inside of Bellamy about how she hasn’t told him the news because she hasn’t made time for him or any of their friends die down, “What’s that? You got accepted to some bug ivy league school and leaving us all behind?” 

She’s beaming at him now, “Well, not exactly.” 

Bellamy laughs nervously, “Okay, out with it then.” 

She grabs his hand with both of his and pulls it in his lap, all excitement. “I’m going to the Dominican to build houses for Volunteers of Hope!” 

“Oh, for the summer?” 

“No, all year! I’m taking a gap year and not going to college right away.” 

It feels like the air has left his lungs as he tries to process what she’s saying. 

She keeps talking, explaining, still excited, “Lexa told me about it around Christmas. It’s this really cool organization that encourages kids to take time off of college either before or after they go and build houses and schools in the Dominican Republic. You can go for a summer or six months or a year. I decided to just go for the full year. I need to get away.” 

He stops hearing her. He can’t comprehend what’s happening. He pulls his hand away from her, and that – not the look on his face or his hollow breathing – causes her to slowly stop talking. 

“What’s wrong?” 

Bellamy has to give it to her, she genuinely looks confused. But how could she not understand? She’s been abandoning him all year, and he could forgive that. He really could, and they could go back to being best friends. But this was the icing on the cake, the cherry on top. After all the missed games, and hangouts. After missing his birthday and not being there when he wanted to share his news about the scholarship – does she even know? Does she care? – she’s still choosing Lexa over him. Even after Lexa left her. He doesn’t get it. 

He scoots to the edge of the bed, away from her, “You’re seriously choosing Lexa over me?” 

Now she looks shocked, “Bell–” 

She reaches out for him again, but he yanks away and gets off the bed. “Don’t.” 

“I’m not choosing her over you, Bellamy! I’m just trying to do what’s best for  _ me!”  _

He’s standing beside the bed now, breathing hard, “And being away from me is what’s best for you? After everything we’ve been through together?” 

Her face crumbles, and he can’t look at her. If he does, he’ll back down. He’ll forget his own feelings and just let this happen. But he can’t do that this time. He can’t let this one go. 

His hands go in fists, the monster in the pit of his stomach is back, and it’s clawing at his chest, making it hard to breathe, “Are you even going to go to college? Or are you just going to live off your parents money for the rest of your life?” 

She snaps, “Bellamy! You’re being ridiculous!” 

He snarls, “Am I?” 

He takes a step backwards, towards her door.

“Of course I’m going to go to college. I just need to do this first.” 

He blinks, looks away from her. This is too much. All of it is too much. 

“Bell, don’t do this.” 

He takes another step. He’s an arm’s reach from the door, and he blindly reaches for it. 

“I need you, Bellamy.” 

He squeezes his eyes shut, willing the tears to go away, “You only need me when you don’t have her.” 

And then he turns to leave. 

He wakes up to five missed calls from her the next day. He doesn’t return them. He deletes her voicemails without listening to them. 

Three days later his shoes and socks are on his front porch along with a note asking him to call her back. 

He’s only thankful he won’t be charged for losing the shoes he rented for prom. 

They don’t talk at school. They don’t talk outside of school. They simply don’t talk. 

That’s their new normal, at least until graduation. Their moms force them together for photos. One by themselves and one with all their friends. The moms are clueless of the heartbreak and betrayal between them. So they smile, stand beside each other, say congratulations. They’re civil and cold. How they should’ve been all along, Bellamy thinks. 

After, they go back to not talking.

The day Clarke is supposed to leave, two weeks after graduation, Bellamy wakes up at 5 am. He feels as if even his body is aware of what’s about to happen. He tossed and turned all night, unable to fall into a restful sleep, and when he was able to finally fall asleep, it was riddled with uneasy dreams that he couldn’t quite remember in the waking hours. All the same, they haunted him.

He didn’t want to think about her, about how they had a huge blowout, how he’s still hurt that she isn’t capable of seeing things his way. He’s hurt that they both have been able to go this long without speaking to each other. He’s hurt that she seems so adamant about leaving Arkadia, leaving him. And all that hurt is channeling into one dominant feeling. 

Anger. 

He runs. He tries to force the anger out of him with every slam of his feet against the asphalt. With every drop of sweat that runs down his body, he imagines that it’s the hurt and anger evaporating inside of him. 

It doesn’t work. 

He runs past the park where him and Octavia spent most of their childhood days. He runs past the bus stop, the memory of walking Clarke there after helping her study floods his mind despite being unwelcomed. He runs past the road where Jake’s body was found, past houses that are still nothing more than a foundation because of the hurricane a few years ago, empty lots that used to stand tall with trees, but now are just as broken as Bellamy feels. 

He stops running once he gets to a small bridge. The creek bubbling quietly below him is such a stark contrast to the storm raging inside of him. 

He watches the water ebb slowly downstream, letting the soft whispers of it wash over him. 

He almost misses the bus. It’s a Monday morning, and it’s full of his neighbors and friends going to work. If he gave himself enough time to think, he’d be self conscience about being sweaty and dirty and greasy, while everyone else on the bus is dressed to impress. 

Thankful, he’s too busy drowning in thoughts about Clarke to care. 

The bus stops a block away from The Midtowner, the diner that Vera Kane owns, and the place Bellamy knows without a doubt Clarke had her farewell breakfast. He runs all the way there. He peers into the windows, but he doesn’t see her or any of their friends or Abby Griffin. 

His heart sinks as he turns around and leans against the window. He runs his hands through his hair and closes his eyes. He’s gone a month without talking to his best friend, and now because of some stupid fight, he’s going to have to go a whole year without seeing her. The thought makes it hard for him to breathe. 

He’s about to go back home, find his phone that he left on his nightstand, and pray that he can reach her before she boards her plane, but then he hears it. He hears his name so soft and so unsure, and his heart stops cracking. 

“Bellamy?” 

His hands drop from where they were on his face, and he turns it slowly towards her, so afraid that it’s not who he needs it to be. 

He finally sees her standing a few feet away from him next to Abby’s car and a donut in her hand. He’s pretty sure it’s a chocolate with cinnamon apple filling – his favorite. 

He doesn’t have time to think much more past the donut, because then she’s rushing towards him, arms wrapping around him and gripping him as hard as she can, and placing her head over his heart. 

He holds her tight, wrapping his own arms around her middle and his face finding the crook of her neck. 

“I’m still so mad at you, Clarke.” He whispers against her skin, his lips brushing against the soft dip of her neck. 

He doesn’t think it’s possible, but she holds him even tighter after that. 

“I know,” She whispers against him, “I’m sorry.” 

And it sounds like a promise, but he thinks neither of them know exactly what the promise is. 

Abby clears her throat, and it’s then that Bellamy remembers that they’re in the middle of a sidewalk outside of their favorite restaurant. 

They pull away from each other, only for Bellamy to rest his forehead against hers. She’s staring at him so intensely, he’s sure that she can see his feelings for her written across his face. 

“I need you, Bell. Don’t stay mad at me and disappear.” 

His hands cup her face, gentle brushing a strand of blonde hair away. “You’re the one who’s about to get on a plane, Princess.” 

She huffs, and he thinks about how easy it would be to kiss her right here and right now. They’re so close already, and a part of him thinks she needs it as badly as he does. 

She tilts her chin up, and he thinks this might be it, but then she sighs and wraps him up in a hug again. 

He feels her lips press against his skin around his shirt’s collar and feels them brush against his neck when she whispers, “I love you, Bellamy Blake.” 

A part of him wants to say it back, but he stops. Her words from before haunting him. He’s not going to be one of the ones that leaves her after telling her he loves her. 

And then she takes a step away, putting space between them that Bellamy doesn’t want. Her eyes are bright and clear and sharp, and her smile lights up her face. Bellamy thinks that’s the only reason he doesn’t reach for her again. 

She flashes him a sharp smile, “I’ll see you in a year, Bell.” 

As she slips into the car, Abby watches him. She’s smiling softly, and she has the same look in her eyes as she did all throughout highschool on the mornings he would sleep over and Jake would make breakfast. Only this time, Bellamy is pretty sure he knows what she is seeing. He sees it, too. 

It’s only once she’s in the car and driving away, that he sees the donut on the ground. 

College begins slowly. There’s no whirlwind or whiplash. Bellamy eases himself into it with grace, and he thinks that maybe he was cut out for academia after all. 

Miller, Murphy, and Bellamy all decided to go to the local college. He was a little surprised that Murphy didn’t decide to go a little further from home, but he’s lost enough people in his life. He won’t question it and jinx it. They manage to become suitmates. Him and Miller in one room, and Murphy in the other. He bullied them into having his own room, saying that no one would be able to live with the stench that is John Murphy’s feet. 

They’re not in the nice dorms, but they made it. And Bellamy figures that’s enough for now. 

Six weeks after Clarke leaves, he starts getting mail from the Dominican. There’s no return address, and no letter when he opens it. 

Only a picture, one that she’s drawn. 

One week it’s of a mountain, the next it’s a drawing of a room, and the next it’s a waterfall. 

He tapes every single one on the wall of his bedroom above his bed. 

He still works at the Green’s cafe, and his favorite mornings are those when he works with Monty and Jasper. They’re a puzzle piece of his past that somehow still fit in the current picture of his present. 

Monty keeps him updated on Octavia. Bellamy and her still don’t talk as much as they used to, but she’s not giving him the silent treatment anymore, either. Still, he’s glad he has Monty to know the little things about her life. 

Little things like how she’s making A’s and B’s in school, she has a job at a blueberry farm, and during autumn and winter, the farm keeps her on for pumpkin season and when they have a Christmas light maze. Monty tells him how she’s on the softball team, and has issues with the whole team player thing, but is working on it. How she’s really enjoying Jiu-Jitsu – which Bellamy already knew – and how her instructor has taken to being her mentor – which Bellamy did not know. 

But he enjoys being with Monty and Jasper more than just because they’re a connection to his past. They’re  _ funny.  _ And they keep Bellamy laughing and happy, even on the mornings when the customers and life seems too much of a cruel joke. 

His first class of the week falls on a Tuesday morning. It’s a biology lab, which had always been more of a Clarke thing than a Bellamy thing. After the 8 am lab, Bellamy has his three hour long biology lecture. He rarely has time to stop by the campus coffee shop on the way to the lab, and the hour he has between the lab and the lecture, is more like twenty minutes after walking from one end to campus to the other, which means he doesn’t have much time for food or coffee afterwards, either. 

The first time he stumbles into the lab, he isn’t expecting to see anyone in the class that he knows. But when he looks around to find the best seat, he was pleasantly surprised to find a familiar face sitting on one of the stools. 

He slides onto the stool next to him, and bumps his shoulder. “Fancy seeing you here.” 

Wells looks up from his phone, almost immediately smiling when he sees Bellamy. 

“Hey! Clarke said you were going here. But I kept forgetting to message you.” 

They spend the time before the TA comes in catching up and talking about their favorite shared interest: Clarke. 

It becomes his Tuesday routine. Wake up, go to the lab, drink the coffee Wells almost always has for him, share their granola trail mix and protein bars with each other as they walk to the lecture together, and then grab a bite to eat in The Commons. 

He started off being afraid that Tuesdays would destroy him, but they ended up being one of his favorite days of the week. 

Bellamy Blake does not have a morning class on Thursdays. He has a World History lecture at 10 am, which means that he either could be sleeping in or working at the cafe on those mornings. But he never does either of those things. Instead, every Thursday morning at 5:30 am, he slips on an old shirt from high school, grabs his phone from his desk that’s typically covered in highlighters and papers and books, and quietly makes his way out to the dorm’s common area away from his sleeping roommates. 

He sits on the beanbag in the corner and holds his phone waiting for it to light up. And it always does. 

Clarke’s face fills his screen every Thursday morning, and he wouldn’t change it for the world. 

“Bellamy!” She’s smiling as soon as she sees him. 

He takes a moment to take her in. Her braided hair, her flushed cheeks, and how she’s breathing heavier than usual. “Did you go for a run this morning?” 

She nods, but they have a poor connection so it freezes and her face looks like pixelated and cut in half. “My host family wants to take me on a hike next week, but I’m so out of shape. Trying to get ready for it.” 

He chuckles, and relaxes further into the bean bag. 

They both are silent for a moment, taking the time to take each other in and appreciate this time. 

“I miss you,” Bellamy eventually whispers, like it’s a secret. 

“I miss you, too.” She says it just as soft, and his heart aches for her. 

They talk as the sun rises. They talk about Bellamy’s classes, his mom, her mom, Wells. They talk about the kids she’s working with, how much she loves them, and how something as big as a language barrier doesn’t stop them from loving and understanding each other. They talk about the foods she eats while on the island, and where she stays, and how her window frames the mountain in her backyard in the most dreamlike way. They talk about the ant crawling across her toes as she talks to her best friend, and how he needs a haircut but doesn’t want to pay someone to do it. She threatens to never talk to him again if he lets Murphy cuts it again. 

They talk about how she misses home so much it’s an ache in her bones, but she knows this is where she’s supposed to be. They talk about his fears for Octavia and how his mom is working too much, and Clarke gently reminds him that he is not built to take care of everyone. 

They talk and talk and talk until Clarke is called for breakfast and the rest of the college kids start to stir in Bellamy’s dorm. 

When Bellamy makes his way back to his dorm, Miller asks where he’s been. 

Murphy snorts from his bed, “He’s been talking to his girlfriend. Where the hell have you been?” 

Bellamy ignores both of them, and gets ready to go to breakfast with Miller. Murphy won’t leave his bed until 11:47, which will give him just enough time to brush his teeth, put on clean pants, and stumble his way to his noon class. 

Murphy meets the love of his life by accident, and Bellamy was able to be there for the entire train wreck. 

They’re all at the bar – Bellamy, Murphy, Miller, and Wells – celebrating finishing midterms by using their fake IDs. Well, everyone except for Wells. He happily volunteered to be the dad of the night and get them all home safely. 

It’s a cliche college bar, with a pool table and darts in the back, the bartop and a few booths closer to the front, all dark wood and sticky floors. It was small, and usually crowded, but they had the best (see: cheapest) shrimp nachos in town, so they would’ve ended up there even without their fake IDs. 

They’re all sipping their beers and eating their nachos, when two girls catch Murphy’s attention. One has a leg brace, but still manages to give off a vibe that highly advices one to leave her alone. The other looks innocent, too innocent for Murphy for sure, until she picks up and dart and throws a bullseye without hesitating. Bellamy tells him to leave them be, but Murphy was never good at following orders. 

One minute he’s at their table, the next he’s standing next to the two girls. It all seems innocent enough, and Bellamy loses interest pretty quickly. 

One minute, Bellamy is minding his own business. The next, him and Wells nearly choke on their shrimp nachos, while Miller looks on unimpressed, when the girl who threw the bullseye punches Murphy in the jaw after he leaned in and whispered something to her. 

The two girls walk out of the bar, heads held high, without giving Murphy a second glance. 

Murphy makes his way back to their booth, a smile plastered on his face. “I think I’m in love.” 

The night wouldn’t have been an important to Bellamy, if it wasn’t for the fact that after that night, the two girls – Emori, the puncher, and Raven – somehow end up being part of their friend group. After that night, they were at game nights and study sessions and movie-a-thons. 

Bellamy once thought that Murphy by himself was too much. But Murphy In Love was almost worse. 

“Oh, don’t look at me like that, Blake.” Murphy muttered after he caught them making out in the dorm’s shared kitchen. “I had to deal with you and Griffin making heart eyes at each other all throughout high school. You owe me.” 

Bellamy wants to say that he never made heart eyes at Clarke, but then Murphy is back to kissing his girlfriend. Instead, he reaches around them for his favorite coffee mug, and makes his cup of coffee as quickly as possible. 

Bellamy sees Gina again two weeks before Thanksgiving on a Thursday. He’s facetiming Clarke while he walks to the coffee shop to meet up with Wells for a study date. She complains that her two best friends shouldn’t be getting coffee without her, and Bellamy has no problem pointing out that she’s the one that left them. He might still be bitter, but he’s working on it. 

“Can you get a pumpkin spice latte for me?” She says as the coffee shop comes into view. “And a piece of pumpkin bread?” 

Bellamy smiles into the camera, “Feeling a little homesick?” 

She shrugs, “I just miss fall weather and American coffee.” 

He laughs at that, “You do remember that we don’t get true fall weather here until like, January, right?” 

“Shut up and comfort me, you big idiot.” 

He hangs up a few minutes after that. It still hurts saying goodbye and knowing he won’t see her soon, but it’s slowly getting easier. 

He gets in line to order his coffee and pumpkin bread, and he sees Wells sitting at a table in the corner. He waves, and then focuses on his phone. Clarked tagged him in a picture on instagram, and he goes to look at it. 

It’s a screenshot from their facetime, him just waking up still blurry eyed and wearing his glasses. His hair is a mess and still looks half asleep, but he looks happy. Clarke, in the little square in the corner, looks like spring, and it warms his heart. 

He reads the caption. 

_ Love my weekly facetime dates with this best friend of mine. Missing him too much right now to articulate it correctly. #longdistancefriendshipsucks #canyougetonaplaneandvisitme #iloveyou _

_ Bblake91: miss you too, princess. See you next Thursday.  _

_ Griffin.clarke: @bblake91 ur a nerd  _

_ Themurphinator: why don’t i get weekly facetime dates? I havent even gotten ONE  _

_ Griffin.clarke: @themurphinator just be glad i havent blocked ur number.  _

_ Themurphinator: @griffin.clarke and to think i had u as my number one when myspace was still _

_ relevant  _

When he looks back up, he’s at the front of the line and looking at his prom date. Gina Martin. 

“Gina? You work here?” 

She smiles at him, showing no sign of holding a grudge over him leaving her at prom. “Yeah, needed a little extra cash. How have you been?” 

They catch up while he waits on his order, and when he walks over to Wells, he gives Bellamy a knowing look. 

“Isn’t that the girl you left at prom?” 

“Shut up and mind your own damn business, Jaha.” 

Wells just laughs. 

When Bellamy tells Clarke about it the next week, she tells him he should ask her out. 

“You both looked so good together that night, Bell.” 

His stomach still feels queasy remembering that night, but he pushes it down. 

“If she isn’t still mad about it, you should definitely ask her out.”

He’s confused, and a little conflicted. But he asks her out the next day anyway. 

After their first date, he goes home to see his mom. He wasn’t expecting the conversation they had to happen. 

He’s sitting at the kitchen table eating cereal after he spent fifteen minutes searching for his favorite basketball sweatshirt and not being able to find it. He’s trying to be sneaky and steal some of his mom’s bacon, but she keeps swatting his hand away.

“I’m glad you came over this weekend, Bell. I wanted to talk to you about something.” 

The claws around his heart tighten a little while he tries to think of what she could possibly want to talk about. “Yeah?” 

“I saw Abby out at the market the other day, and I invited her to our Thanksgiving and Christmas.” 

Bellamy chokes on the bacon he finally snatched, “You… You did what now?” 

His mom at least has the decency to look sheepish, “Clarke is out of the country for the holidays, and I didn’t want her to be alone since Jake…” 

She trails off, and Bellamy understands. 

“Yeah, I get it. But it’s probably going to be awkward without Clarke buffering.” 

Aurora shrugs, “She’s not coming to Thanksgiving since she’s going to visit Clarke, but she is for Christmas. We have time to prepare. Plus, Gran and O will be here. Hopefully none of us will feel too awkward.” 

Thanksgiving comes and goes, as does finals. Bellamy and the others have a lot of all nighters and study sessions together, but they make it out of finals week with tired smiles on their faces. 

Bellamy keeps seeing Gina, and after they seriously start seeing each other for a few weeks, she asks, “Are you still in love with her?” 

He doesn’t have to ask who to know who Gina is asking about. He thinks of the drawings on his wall in his bedroom back home, their weekly facetime dates, the framed picture of the two of them after him and his team won the high school state basketball tournament last year – both of them sweaty with smiles a mile wide. He thinks of her being in the Dominican with Lexa. 

“She’s not in the picture anymore.” 

Gina is kind enough not to point out that wasn’t exactly what she asked. 

Christmas arrives, and with it so does Octavia, Gran, and Abigail Griffin. Gina, somehow, isn’t fazed by any of it. 

Octavia hugs him when she sees him, breathing out, “I missed you, big brother.” 

He squeezes her tight, and it feels like his life is aligned again. 

Gran reaches up to calm his hair, but it doesn’t do much good. She hands him a loaf of zucchini bread and winks. 

“I know it’s your favorite.” 

Bellamy just laughs. 

Abby is polite and proper through it all. Gina takes the twenty questions Octavia throws at her with grace, and it’s all going much more smoothly than Bellamy ever dreamed. 

And then he hears, “All this time I honest to God thought Bellamy was Clarke’s boyfriend. I mean, sure, Clarke and Lexa dated, but I just thought her and Bellamy were on a break. When they broke up, I was so sure they had gotten back together.” 

It’s after Christmas lunch, and they’ve all opened their presents already. So the kids are sitting and talking in the living room while the adults clean the kitchen. They’d been whispering, but apparently Abby Griffin never learned how. 

He looks at Gina, ignoring the smirk on O’s face. He’s about to apologize – for what he isn’t sure – when she just shrugs and gives him a small smile. 

“Wanna go for a walk?” She asks. 

He couldn’t possibly say no. 

Monty graduates after New Years. Octavia stays for his ceremony and party, and then Bellamy drives her back to Gran’s. 

He starts college in the spring, and rooms with Murphy. 

“Jasper isn’t handling it well.” 

Bellamy laughs when Monty tells him, “Yeah, figured as much when I saw him pouting during your party.” 

Bellamy overhears Monty on the phone that night. 

“I haven’t died, Jas. I’m just in college.” 

He laughs harder this time. 

Monty also informs them that Murphy doesn’t actually have stinky feet. In fact, Murphy, it turns out, is a clean freak. 

Miller throws his pillow at him, “You mean I’ve been rooming with Blake who  _ snores  _ while you’ve been living the high life?” 

Murphy doesn’t look at all sorry, but he does complain about having a roommate. Every time he does, Miller throws something at him. 

At the end of January he gets another letter from Clarke. This time when he opens it, it’s more than just a drawing. Two plane tickets fall into his lap with a neon yellow sticky note attached. 

_ Merry Belated Christmas! _

_ You better not have any plans for spring break yet bc you’re coming to visit me.  _

_ Refunds non-negotiable.  _

_ -Clarke  _

  
  


Bellamy’s plane lands in the Santa Domingo airport at 11:26 pm Saturday night. He feels like he’s dead on his feet, until he sees a head of blonde hair running towards him. And finally,  _ finally,  _ Clarke is in his arms again. 

When they pull apart, she beams up at him, “What’s the very first thing you want to do?” 

He looks around and runs his hand through his hair, “Honestly? I just want food right now.” 

She laughs, and it feels like something in his heart that was cracked heals. 

“I know just the place. Get your bags, and come on.” 

He motions to the duffel that’s now on the floor, and lifts up his shoulders to show his backpack, “This is it.” 

She rolls her eyes, “You know the cost of a checked back was in the cost of the ticket, right?” 

He shoves her with his shoulder, “Shut up and take me to the food.” 

She takes him to a hut on the side of the road on the way up the mountain. It’s a simple meal of rice and chicken, but the woman who cooks their food is sweet and the view is breathtaking. 

They go to her place after that. She’s staying with the nice couple who owns a hotel halfway up the mountain. Volunteers of Hope pay for her room and gives her a weekly allowance for food. Overall, it’s a pretty nice setup. The owners even let her use their car if she ever needs it. 

They go to bed soon after arriving. Bellamy’s exhausted from traveling, and it’s much later than Clarke is used to staying up. There are two beds in the room, and Bellamy takes the one furthest away that seems to be untouched. 

It’s dark, darker than any of the nights back home, and he’s on his side facing Clarke’s bed, but he can’t see if she’s awake or not. 

He hears her moving around in bed and then, “Bellamy?” 

“Yeah?” 

“Are we good?” 

The talons are back around his heart; he doesn’t think he’s ready for this conversation yet. “What d’you mean?” 

“We didn’t exactly leave on the best of terms.” 

He blinks, and his eyes start to adjust to the night. He can see her facing him, eyes wide as she watches him watch her. 

“Yeah, Clarke. We’re good.” 

They’re both quiet, and she’s still watching him. 

He sighs, “I think there was just a lot of miscommunication on both of us.” 

After that, they take their time talking through it. They don’t hash it out all in one go. It’s too much for that, Bellamy thinks. They have all week, and even if they don’t finish by next Saturday, they have all the time in the world to heal with each other. 

The next day Clarke takes him hiking up the mountain. It’s exhausting, and Bellamy hasn’t exercised since he started college. He’s huffing and wheezing by the time they make it to the lookout. 

The view is worth it. 

Clarke looks at him instead of the view. 

“I just wanted you to be excited for me.” 

Bellamy pulls his gaze away from the trees, the mountains, the dips and the rivers, and looks at Clarke. “I don’t think I was able to be excited for you, as much as I wanted to be.” 

They sit on the ledge and take in their beautiful planet. 

He covers her hand with his, “When I got the news I was accepted and got the scholarship, you were the one person I wanted to tell.” 

He doesn’t say the rest, but she does. 

“But I was too busy with Lexa.” 

He smiles and squeezes her hand. 

One day they go to the beach. They’re both covered in sand when Bellamy turns to her. 

“We just stopped talking. We stopped being Bellamy and Clarke.” 

She just looks at him, and he knows she’s waiting for him to go on. 

“You stopped talking to me about Jake. I felt like I couldn’t talk to you about Octavia because you stopped asking about her. You stopped studying and caring about school, and you started getting high with Jasper and Monty.” 

“Bellamy….” She takes a deep breath and looks out to the water, “I was  _ mourning.  _ I had just lost my dad. I was trying to figure out my entire world without him in it.” 

“But I didn’t know. I didn’t understand. You didn’t talk to me.” 

“Sometimes it’s hard to articulate what you’re feeling in the moment, Bell.” 

She takes him to see the school she helped finish building last month. 

He’s standing beside her, arm draped over her shoulders, a huge, proud smile plastered on his face. “This is great, Clarke.” 

She tucks herself further into him, “Thanks. I know.” 

She takes him to her favorite waterfall, and he recognizes it from the drawings she’s sent him. 

They’ve climbed to the top, and they were about to jump off, when Bellamy looks at her. 

“I don’t think I could have ever been happy for you and Lexa.” 

She’s still smiling, but it falters as she tilts her head to the side, “Why?” 

“I was in love with you, and you kept choosing her over me.” 

He jumps in, let’s the water envelop him, hide him from the consequences of his admission. When he pushes off the riverbed to come up for air, she’s jumping in right beside him. A few seconds later she comes up for air. 

She spits the water out of her mouth, and pushes her hair out of her face. “I wasn’t choosing Lexa over you. I didn’t even know you were an option.” 

He smiles, something sad and a little lost, “Like I said, communication was our downfall.” 

She smiles bright then, and he’s confused until she says, “But we’re making a comeback.” 

He laughs and shoves her under the water. 

Clarke makes him go ziplining, even though he’s terrified. He screams the entire time, and when they both finish, Bellamy makes her promise to never make him do that again. 

She just smiles, something a little evil and a little mischievous in her eyes. 

They’re in the car heading home, when she says, “You were always so worried about money. Sometimes I just needed you to lighten up and be there for me.” 

Bellamy watches her as she drives them around the curves of the mountain. He’s glad he doesn’t get motion sick easily. 

“I was there for you as much as I could be.” 

She doesn’t take her eyes off the road when she says, “I know that. Now.” 

It’s his last full day with Clarke, and they’re having a calm day at the hotel, sitting outside underneath the gazebo and playing a game of cards. 

“I thought you were throwing away your one chance at college, and I didn’t understand that. College is my one way ticket to a better life, and I felt like you were belittling that. Taking it for granted. I think I might’ve been jealous.” 

She lays down another set of four, plays a king of hearts on his run, and then discards her last card. 

“I win.” She smiles like she just won the world. “I needed to get away. You get that now, don’t you?” 

He grabs the cards and starts to shuffle, “Yeah, now I do.” 

He is dealing the cards when he says, “You’re doing good here, Clarke.” 

She’s driving him back to the airport, and there are dirtbikes swerving in and out of the lanes. Whatever spends its free time squeezing Bellamy’s chest is back, and he has to close his eyes so he can’t watch the people on the bikes nearly hit each other. 

“Lexa and I broke up. For good this time, I think.” 

That makes him open his eyes. He stares at her, looking for any sign of heart break or her not being okay. She seems fine. 

“When did this happen?” 

“A week before my mom came for Thanksgiving.” 

He has to laugh, because of course they broke up the same week him and Gina started dating. 

They say their goodbyes and hug in the airport. Surprisingly, there are no tears. Maybe because in less than three months, she’ll be home for good. 

“When I get home, I’m expecting you to buy me a donut.” 

He smiles, and hugs her one last time, “Only if you keep sending me your drawings.” 

When he gets home, Gina is waiting for him in his dorm. Miller, Murphy, and Monty are nowhere to be seen. 

“Did you kill my roommates?” 

Gina laughs and gets up from where she was lying in his bed, “No. I caught them as they were headed out for dinner. Miller said you wouldn’t mind if I waited in here for you.” 

He smiles and dumps his bags on Miller’s bed. He’ll get yelled at for it later, but right now he doesn’t care. 

He closes the distance between him and Gina and kisses her. He can feel her smiling into the kiss. 

When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against hers.

“I think I love you.” It barely comes out as a whisper. 

She smiles wider, “That’s a relief because I definitely love you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Two Specific Jekisa Memories that inspired this fic:  
1\. having spanish with my on again off again childhood crush who i hated at first sight and both of us liking each other at different times but never at the same time and now we're just like *shrug* dunno whats happening  
2\. getting drunk in the coffee shop with said crush and the local baristas 
> 
> As you can see, one of these memories did not make it into the final cut. I would say I'm sorry, but I might post it as a stand alone later, so I'm not sorry. 
> 
> That being said, almost every other thing in this fic has been heavily inspired by my life. 
> 
> Feel free to yell with me about this story on here or on the tumblr. 
> 
> Thanks for reading!


	3. The One With All The Graduations

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Possible Triggers:  
Anxiety attacks  
Gun violence 
> 
> Reminders:  
I know all ships aren't everyone's cup of tea, but if you have negative things to say about Becho and/or Gina and Bellamy (what's their ship name? idk, man), pls keep it to yourself or vent to a friend who shares your views. 
> 
> Happy Reading!

“So let me get this straight.”

Bellamy leans back in his chair. He’s at Gran’s for Octavia’s graduation, and the two of them are talking in a way they haven’t in a long time. 

“You hated Clarke in middle school.” 

He nods. 

“But Clarke had a crush on you and that’s why she asked you to homecoming.” 

He nods again. 

“You liked her in high school, loved her basically, but she dated Lexa.” 

Bellamy hums, “Yeah, basically.” 

“And then she left you, you start dating Gina, and now you’re telling me you’re completely over Clarke?” 

“Yep.” 

_ “Bellamy.”  _

He looks up at her, away from his phone, “What?”

“Your relationship with Clarke is crazy, you know that right?” Bellamy is about to argue, but she puts her hands up to stop him, “You can’t really be  _ completely  _ over her.” 

He shrugs. He doesn’t really know how to explain it. “I love Gina. The week in the Dominican with Clarke gave me closure. I’ll always love her, but it’s not… it’s different now.” 

This time, it’s Octavia who hums. 

“I still say you two are endgame.” 

Bellamy throws a grape and hits her in the forehead, and then he goes back to texting Gina. 

Once Bellamy got home from the Dominican, his life went back to the way it was. Only this time, he had the peace of mind that  _ yes,  _ him and Clarke were in fact going to be okay. Plus, him and Gina were doing good, better than good even. They were great. His life was going better than it ever has, and that makes him worry. 

Two months went by and still, nothing bad has happened. Now he’s at what is probably his favorite place in the world about to watch his baby sister graduate. He’s content. 

“What time did Ma say she’ll get here?” Bellamy asks after picking the grape off the floor. 

“Around 10 tomorrow. She said she has to leave right after dinner though. She has a doctor’s appointment the next morning.” 

The next morning Bellamy grabs beef jerky and water, hops on the old four wheeler, and goes to the creek. 

He’s there as the sun rises. He’s always been an early riser, even as a kid. Octavia and Clarke, not so much. 

He sits on the bank of the creek, soaking in the early rays of the sun, and listening to the creek trickling nearby. He doesn’t realize he’s dozed off until he’s waking up and the sun is higher in the sky. 

He hears a fourwheeler in the distance, and wonders if it’s O coming to tell him it’s time for him to start getting ready for her graduation. He doesn’t get up, even as the four wheeler gets closer. He lies there letting the breeze rustle his hair. 

Octavia and the four wheeler stop nearby. He hears her come closer, the leaves and pine straw crunching beneath her feet. 

Soon she’s standing over him blocking the sun. 

“O, you’re blocking the sun. Move.” 

Something falls on his stomach, and he lets out a groan and finally opens his eyes. 

He sees his phone that he left on his bed now lying on the dirt beside him, “What the hell, O–” He looks up and sees Clarke. 

_ “Clarke?”  _

The sun is behind her, casting her face in shadows, but he recognizes her smirk, “I’ve been trying to call you all morning, doofus.” 

He looks at his phone, “I have one missed call.” 

She huffs and plops down beside him, “Okay, well it  _ felt  _ like all morning.” 

He’s still reeling. “What are you doing here?” 

She shrugs, suddenly almost shy. “I told them I had to come home a month early because a family member was graduating.” 

He stares at her, a little amazed that she’s here in person. “Clarke.” 

She stares at the dirt in between them, “You’re my family, Bellamy.” 

She says it so easily, like it’s the most natural and obvious thing in the world, and Bellamy thinks that maybe for her, it is. 

“So that means that Octavia is my family, too. I know today is important for both of you. I wouldn’t miss it for the world.” 

He feels a smile spreading across his face, “And now you’re home.” 

She smiles back, the shyness from earlier gone, “Yeah, now I’m home.” 

Clarke rests her head against his shoulder, and after a moment he wraps an arm around her. It feels good to have her back. 

“Oh, and Octavia said we’d better go get ready. She threatened to kill both of us if we’re late.” 

When they get back to the house, Aurora is in the kitchen wearing the one dress she owns and eating Bellamy’s zucchini bread. When she sees Bellamy, she smiles, “Surprised?” 

Bellamy glances at Clarke, and then back at her, “How long have you know about this, Ma?” 

Aurora smiles, clearly proud of herself, “A month or two.” 

_ “Or two?  _

Clarke goes to stand next to his mom and gives her a hug, “She’s a good secret keeper, Bell.” 

Bellamy rolls his eyes at the two women and leaves them to go change clothes. He takes his sister’s threats seriously. 

He’s in his bedroom, straightening his tie – it’s the one Octavia picked out when she was twelve, the one with the sea turtles on it – when she appears in his doorway and leans against the frame. 

He tries to ignore her, but she keeps staring and giving him a look that unsettles him. 

“What?” 

She’s smirking at him, “You might be over her, big brother, but she’s not over you.” 

He glares at her in the mirror, “I have no idea what you’re talking about it.” 

She shrugs, flips her hair over her shoulder, and turns to leave. Seconds later, her head appears again, “Oh, nice tie by the way. It’s my favorite.” 

And then she’s gone again, only this time she doesn’t reappear. 

They don’t have to wait too long for Octavia’s name to be called at the ceremony. The school is a small country school, and after ten names, they’re already at the B’s. 

Bellamy might’ve told O that he wasn’t going to embarrass her at her graduation, but when her name is called Clarke and him stand up and whoop and holler and clap as she walks across the stage. Once the diploma is in her hand, she looks where they are sitting, and gives them the finger. Everyone else gasps, but Bellamy just laughs. There are some things in Octavia that refuse to change, and he’s okay with that. 

After all the names of the graduating class are called, Bellamy makes his way to the floor where Octavia is sitting. When he gets to her, there’s already someone talking to her. When he’s close enough to hear them, he recognizes the voice – Lincoln. 

When Octavia spots him, she runs to give him a hug. “I’m graduated, Bell! Can you believe it?” 

He chuckles and holds her tight, “No, not really.” 

She pulls away and motions for Lincoln to come closer. “I’m glad you came down here. I want to introduce you to someone.” 

“I know who Lincoln is, Octavia.” 

“Well, yeah, but you know him as the guy down the street who sometimes uses Gran’s fields. You don’t know him as my boyfriend.” 

_ “Your what?”  _

Clarke appears then, rests her hand on Bellamy’s elbow, “I don’t think we’ve met.” She reaches out to shake Lincoln’s hand, “I’m Clarke.” 

Lincoln smiles at Clarke, “Nice to meet you. Octavia’s told me a lot about you. You were living in the Dominican Republic, right?” 

Clarke lights up, “Yeah! For a year. Came home early to see Octavia graduate.” 

“What area were you in? I have family over there.” 

While Clarke and Lincoln talk about the Dominican, Bellamy takes the opportunity to pull Octavia to the side. 

He raises his eyebrows, “Boyfriend?” 

“You mad?” She doesn’t look nervous, just ready to defend herself and Lincoln. 

“More like surprised. He’s what? Four years older than you?” 

“Bellamy, don’t.” 

“I’m not doing anything yet.” 

_ “Yet _ . That’s what I’m worried about.” 

He rustles her hair, and she slaps his hand away. She’s laughing again, and Bellamy does his best to swallow the overbearing brother that’s attempting to make an appearance. 

They all go to dinner together to a small Mexican restaurant that Octavia loves. When they arrive, Jasper and Monty are already there at a table waiting for them. 

Something in Bellamy’s chest eases when he sees his sister surrounded by so many people who love and support her. 

Aurora leaves right after dinner. She hugs Octavia and Bellamy, and when she gets to Clarke, something in her face softens.   
“You’re good for them, especially Bellamy. Thank you.” 

Bellamy watches curiously as they hug, and when Aurora pulls away from Clarke, the latter is blushing. 

That night, all the others had gone to bed, and Bellamy is sitting up in his bed texting Gina. He’s mid text when he sees a shadow outside of his door. His gut tells him it’s Clarke, and something pulls him to open the door. He stays where he is, though; and after a few moments he watches the shadow go back down the hall where Clarke’s room is. 

The next morning at breakfast, he’s tempted to ask if she was outside his room last night, but he doesn’t. 

They stay with Gran one more night, just because they can. Jasper and Monty stay, too, and Gran’s house is the most full Bellamy’s ever seen it. They have a bonfire the next night, and Monty and Jasper go to the store to get marshmallows. 

Gran brings out chocolate and crackers to make s’mores, but they end up eating the chocolate before they can wait for the marshmallows to finish roasting. At one point, Jasper chases Clarke around the backyard with a toasted marshmallow, only for both of them to tumble over with the marshmallow landing in her hair. 

She goes in with Octavia to get it out, and when they come out her hair is in a braid. 

“Couldn’t get it out. I’ll just wash it when I get home.” 

Bellamy spends the night watching Octavia and Lincoln interact. While he may not like the age difference or her hiding it from him, Lincoln seems to balance her, and he can’t fault his sister for falling for someone who keeps her centered. 

Clarke and Bellamy leave the next morning with Monty and Jasper not far behind, and Octavia promising to see them all in August when she starts college. 

Bellamy turns down the volume of the music Clarke picked and risks a glance in her direction, “You could’ve told me you were coming home early, you know.” 

“I know,” She stares out the window watching the cotton and corn fields fly past, “But I wanted to surprise you.”

She looks over her shoulder at him and smiles, “Sometimes people just want to do nice things for you. It’s not that unheard of.” 

Bellamy doesn’t have anything to say to that, so instead he asks, “What do you want for lunch?” 

They make it back home six hours later. They stop at one of the larger cities for BBQ, and then Clarke makes him drive her to a bakery so she can get chocolate chip cookie dough cake balls. 

He’s pulling into her driveway when she turns to him, “What are you doing tonight?” 

“Probably hanging out with Gina. She just got an apartment and wants me to come over to see it.” 

Clarke’s face falls, and Bellamy tries to block out the conversation he had with Octavia a few days ago. 

“Oh, well I hope you guys have fun.” 

And he shouldn’t, but… 

“I’m sure Gina won’t mind if you come, too. We’re just watching movies tonight.” 

She fiddles with the bracelets on her wrist, “I don’t want to intrude.” 

“You won’t be intruding.” He turns the car off and opens his door, “Now c’mon. Let’s go raid your mom’s fridge before we go to Gina’s.” 

They’re finishing off the last of Abby’s kiwi fruit when Clarke makes her announcement. 

“I want to apply for college.” 

Bellamy looks up, mouth full of kiwi, but smiling anyway, “Really?” 

She nods with all the confidence she had before Jake died. Bellamy hadn’t realized it had been missing until now. 

“Yeah, but I want to study art. My mom wants me to be a doctor like her, or you know, something in the medical field. I think she might be okay if I study engineering because of Dad, but I don’t want to do either of those things.” 

Bellamy sits up straighter, “Well, yeah, you got to do what’s best for you. I’m sure Abby will understand.” 

Clarke hesitates and then, “There are three really good art colleges in the state. Three more out of state, but still not too far away.” 

“Do you know which ones you want to go to?” 

This time, Clarke shakes her head no. Bellamy slides off the stool he was sitting on, and goes to the Griffin’s junk drawer where he knows Abby keeps a notepad and a pen. 

“Let’s make a list with pros and cons of all of them, then. C’mon.” He waves for her to follow him to the couch, and after a moment watching him, she does. 

They’re an hour late to Gina’s, but Bellamy doesn’t regret it. 

Bellamy and Gina have an easy relationship. During the summer when neither of them have classes, they spend the evenings together either with their friends or by themselves. They watch movies, go to Gina’s neighborhood pool, pick blueberries together, and do their best to stay away from the hottest and stickiest parts of the day. Gina doesn’t care much when his friends tag along, which is a good thing, Bellamy realizes, because his friends are always tagging along. Miller likes to join them for movie nights and Murphy likes to join them picking blueberries – he eats more than he picks. Harper enjoys sitting with them by the pool, and Clarke, well, she just joins them no matter what they’re doing. 

Gina just smiles and carries on. 

Miller meets Jackson on the fourth of July. 

Their group of friends, which now includes Raven and Emori, are all at the Griffin’s. Abby insisted they all come over for an Independence Day Celebration before they all go off to enjoy the fireworks. Bellamy thought it was just going to be them, but Abby invited people from work, too. That included Jackson, a med student who is doing his residency at the hospital with Abby. 

Bellamy sees the two of them talking, but doesn’t think anything of it. 

Until. 

“Do you know anything about that Jackson guy?” 

Bellamy’s driving because apparently none of his friends are capable. Clarke spins around in the passenger seat and gives Miller a knowing look. 

“Nathan,” 

“Clarke, please don’t start.” 

Clarke rolls her eyes, “I was just going to say I have his number if you want me to give it to you so you can ask him for coffee later this week.” 

Miller glares at her, but takes her phone anyway. 

Bellamy finds it all much more amusing than he probably should. 

A week later, Miller is frantically texting Bellamy because he’s overthinking and getting stressed out about getting brunch with Jackson. 

Two weeks after that, Bellamy and Gina are going on a double date with them. 

Clarke gets accepted to all but one of the colleges she applied to, which doesn’t surprise Bellamy at all. 

What does surprise Bellamy is when he’s at his mom’s and Clarke comes barreling through the front door without so much as a hello, an envelope in her hand, and running straight towards Bellamy. 

Somehow Bellamy is ready when she collides with him, his arms automatically going around her as she attacks him in a hug. 

“I got into my top school, Bell!” 

The force of the hug causes him to take a few steps back, “As if there was any doubt.” 

She steps away, beaming up at him, and he thinks she hasn’t looked more beautiful than in that moment. 

Aurora steps in the room, looking as proud as if it was Bellamy or Octavia, “Clarke, sweetie, that’s wonderful!” 

“Which one is it?” 

“Sanctum University.” 

Bellamy’s heart stops. 

Clarke must see it on his face, “It’s only two hours away, Bell. It’s better than having to drive two hours to the airport and having a three hour flight to the Dominican.” 

He pulls her back for another hug, “Just means I’m going to be visiting and bugging you more often.” 

If it’s even possibly, she smiles even wider, “Wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

In August, everything seems to happen at once. Octavia moves into her dorm at the community college. Lincoln comes down with her and helps them move her in. The next day, Clarke packs up Bellamy’s SUV and her own car, and they move her into her dorm at Sanctum where she finally meets her roommate, Maya. 

Monty and Jasper get an apartment off campus, and they recruit all the others to help them move in by offering pizza and brownies afterward. 

Murphy, Miller, and Bellamy move back into their dorm, and once they finish they help Emori, Raven, and Harper move into theirs. 

Once it’s all done, Bellamy never wants to help another person move ever again. 

  
  


_ Bellamy: I never want to move anything ever again in my entire life.  _

_ Clarke: So does this mean you won’t be helping me move back home when I graduate?  _

_ Bellamy: I’m making no promises.  _

_ Bellamy: How’s the roomie?  _

_ Clarke: Quiet, but nice.  _

_ Clarke: She’s from the area so she’s been showing me around campus.  _

_ Bellamy: That’s good. Glad yall are getting along  _

_ Clarke: me too  _

_ Clarke: I miss you  _

_ Bellamy: miss you too, Griffin.  _

  
  


Clarke doesn’t ask him to, but he drives up to visit her on Jake’s anniversary. 

She offers to sleep on the floor on a pallet, but Bellamy huffs as he tries to get comfortable on her bed, “Gina won’t care. She knows you’re  _ Clarke.” _

Clarke gives him a look, but after a moment she climbs in bed next to him. It’s crowded and cozy compared to the double bed they’ve shared before at Gran’s, but it works, and soon they’re both sound asleep. 

Throughout his sophomore year of college, he tries to visit Clarke once a month, and on the weekends he doesn’t see Clarke, he stays with Gina. 

Aurora declares Mondays family dinner nights. Sometimes Lincoln and Gina come, but most of the time, it’s just the three of them. 

Even though he lives with Miller and Murphy, they rarely see each other. They’re schedules are different, and the three of them are almost never in the dorm at the same time, except when they’re in bed asleep.

Bellamy still works at the coffee shop, and he tutors kids at Ark High whose parents pay him more than he would ever dream of asking for, and he starts working at the library in between classes, which goes towards his tuition. It’s an easy enough job, and most days at the library he has time to work on his assignments. 

His weekends with Gina are some of his favorite days. It’s a break from constantly being on the go, and he can take some time to simply be. 

There’s a week when he barely hears from Clarke. He only gets one text from her, and it was after he had asked if she was still alive. She only sent a thumbs up back. 

It was a weekend where he was supposed to stay in town, he had shifts to work at Green’s Cafe, but getting Jasper or Monty or some other barista to pick up shift was no problem. They all owed him for picking up their unwanted shifts more often than not. 

“I think I’m going to Sanctum this weekend.” 

Gina and him are eating dinner at The Commons, and on Saturday he’s supposed to be taking her to a new restaurant that opened last week that she’s been dying to try. If there was a way he could do both, he would. 

Gina looks a little surprised by it, but not upset, “Didn’t you just go last weekend?” 

He nods, “Yeah, but I think something is going on with Clarke. I’m worried.” 

She steals a green bean from his plate and pops it in her mouth. He can see her thinking it over as she chews, “If you’re really worried about her, don’t stay here on my account. We can try to go to the restaurant next weekend.” 

Bellamy smiles, forever grateful that his girlfriend is endlessly understanding, “You sure? I could probably just–” 

Gina reaches over and squeezes his hand, “I’m sure, Bell. She’s your best friend. Go check on her.” 

He passes Maya on the way up to Clarke’s dorm. 

“She’s been mopey all week. Glad you decided to come.” She gives him a sad half smile, “Left the door unlocked, so you should be able to get in.” 

He nods and continues down the hall to their shared dorm. When he opens the door, he sees her lying on her bed, a book propped up on her chest, and her neck bent at an awful angle so she can see. 

“Are we going back to not talking and having poor communication skills again?” 

Clarke startles at the sound of his voice, and her books tumbles off the bed and onto the floor. 

“Bellamy?” 

“The one and only.” He walks the rest of the way in her room, and sits on the edge of the bed, “Wanna go for a walk?” 

They go to the park across the street from campus. There’s an ice cream truck selling treats to kids, so they stop and Bellamy buys them both a double fudgesicle. 

They’re sitting on a bench near a duck pond when Clarke finally speaks up. 

“Ever since coming home, I just feel like I don’t belong here anymore.” 

His heart cracks a little at that confession, “What do you mean?”

She shrugs, “I didn’t expect everyone to stop their lives while I was gone, but it almost feels like they had no problem continuing with how things were when I was gone. And now that I’m back, there’s no place for me. I don’t fit in.” 

Bellamy could tell her just how hard it was for him to keep going while she was away, how their friend group still feels like it’s missing something even though she’s only two hours away now. He could tell her how her mom started talking to Aurora a lot more while Clarke was away because she was so lonely. Bellamy could say a lot of things, but he gets the feeling she wouldn’t be able to hear it. 

Instead he says, “You’ll always fit in with me, Clarke.” 

She looks up at him, chocolate covering her lips, and her eyes shining, “I know. I guess I just needed a reminder.” 

Bellamy bumps his shoulder with hers and smiles. 

Half way through the year, Bellamy finally decides on a major. 

Secondary Education. 

The year comes and goes without much excitement, and soon Bellamy is a junior in college. Miller and Murphy move out of the dorms and get an apartment nearby. Bellamy stays on campus and becomes and RA, because it’s free and his scholarship covers it. 

He’s in a freshman dorm, and it’s hard to believe that just two years ago, he was where these kids are now. 

Bellamy isn’t able to drive up to see Clarke on Jake’s anniversary this year, but he gets a facetime late that night. The two of them talk for hours, and even when Clarke falls asleep, Bellamy doesn’t end the call. He stays connected just in case Clarke wakes up with a nightmare. 

Gina and Bellamy start spending more time together, and since he can’t abandon the kids on his floor, she starts staying with him in the dorm during the week. 

Bellamy thinks it’s a little ridiculous that she’s paying rent and spends most of her time with him in his dorm, but he doesn’t say anything. 

** _The Goon Squad _ **

_ Murphy: Bellamy Blake  _

_ Bellamy: ?  _

_ Miller: Oh, good. He’s alive.  _

_ Murphy: We’re having a guys night.  _

_ Murphy: NO S/O ALLOWED  _

_ Miller added Wells Jaha to the group  _ ** _The Goon Squad _ **

_ Murphy: Not again  _

_ Miller: Wells. Guys night. You in? _

_ Wells Jaha: I’m in. Just tell me when and where.  _

_ Bellamy: No one gave ME a choice  _

_ Miller: bc if we did you’d stay home  _

_ Murphy: this is a dictatorship, not a democracy and i say we’re all going to the dropship this friday at 8. If you dont show up, i’m keeping your christmas presents for myself.  _

_ Wells: You got me a present?  _

_ Murphy: … _

_ Murphy: I’ll be ordering yours tonight.  _

_ Wells: An amazon gift card will do just fine.  _

_ Murphy added Monty and Jasper to the group  _ ** _The Goon Squad _ **

_ Miller: oh god we gon die  _

_ Monty: consider Jonty in  _

_ Murphy: i have immediate regret  _

Bellamy knows it’s going to be a wild night the moment he walks into his friends’ apartment and sees the two of them taking a shot, and then watches slightly amazing as Murphy goes for another immediately after the first. 

Monty and Jasper come in shortly after, reeking of weed and joining the other two in taking a shot before Boys Night commences. Thankfully, it’s not long until Wells arrives. Bellamy thinks Wells will be another sensable body throughout the night, but then he goes takes two big gulps from the bottle. 

He shrugs at Bellamy, “It’s been a Week.” 

Bellamy sighs and accepts the fact that he’ll be chasing these idiots around like kittens all night. 

_ Bellamy: Boys night has started  _

_ Clarke: i want to be part of boys night  _

_ Bellamy: no girls allowed  _

_ Clarke: I thought the only rule was no significant others  _

_ Bellamy: and girls. Both. niether.  _

_ Clarke: tell all my boys i say hello and i miss them  _

_ Bellamy: they’re too busy taking shots and getting drunk at the apartment to miss you.  _

_ Clarke: i would be hurt but i understand  _

They finally made it to The Dropship, a dingy bar on the edge campus. Murphy confiscates all of the phones and gives it to the bartender, who is apparently one of his friends from class. 

They’re two shots and a pint in when Murphy says, “I think Gina is boring.” 

Bellamy chokes on his beer, “W-what?”

Miller punches Murphy in the shoulder and motions for him to shut up. 

Murphy doesn’t get the memo. 

“She just seems boring. You need someone with a little more  _ oomph,  _ ya know?” 

Bellamy in fact did not know. He’s incredibly thankful that Monty and Jasper are playing darts, and not a part of this conversation. “I have no idea what you’re on about, Murphy.” 

“Clarke. I’m talking about Clarke. Just date Clarke.” 

Wells spits out his beer and laughs. Miller looks at Bellamy and shrugs. Murphy looks like what he just said makes the most sense in the entire world.

“The ship has sailed. It might’ve been a possibility on my end a few years ago, but from where I’m standing, it’s just not possible.” 

They have another shot. They drink more beer. It doesn’t take long for Murphy to beg for their phones back and start texting Emori. Bellamy isn’t surprised at all when Raven and Emori show up a half hour later with Harper in tow. Miller gives him another shrug, and then he’s calling Jackson to come join in all the fun. 

The next day he wakes up with a headache, a dry mouth, and a snapchat from Clarke. 

When he opens it, it’s a picture of her legs curled up under a blanket while she watches a show on her laptop with the caption,  _ “Don’t forget tylenol and water.”  _

He sends one back with him squinting into the camera, “ _ Too late.”  _

The summer before his senior year of college, Octavia graduates with her associates in kinesiology. He has no idea what she’s going to do with it, and neither does she. But he’s just proud that she made it this far. 

Clarke comes to, once again declaring Bellamy her family, but the next day she boards a plane to spend the summer back in the Dominican Republic. 

He shouldn’t miss her as much as he does. She was gone an entire year last time she left, and he was in love with her. But they were able to have a set schedule, and Bellamy always knew when he was going to be able to talk to her again. This time, his summer schedule is all over the place, each week is different. Each day is different. It’s hard to plan facetime calls when you don’t know what you’re going to be doing. 

They manage, though. 

He doesn’t see much of Gina during that summer. He works crazy hours at the coffee shop, and he got a new job at The Dropship, plus he’s still tutoring and doing yard work for people. Gina has summer classes and her own job, and between the two of them, their schedules just don’t match up. 

The start of their senior year doesn’t necessarily make it any easier. 

On the fifth anniversary of Jake’s murder, Clarke skips a week of classes and stays with him in his dorm. 

The freshmen on his floor make mom and dad jokes, but both Clarke and him ignore them and don’t mention it to each other. 

Gina breaks up with him on Halloween. They go to a halloween party together. She dresses up as Bella from  _ Beauty and the Beast,  _ and he dresses up as a Camp Halfblood leader, because he can’t be bothered to do much more than make a shirt for his costume. 

They’re walking back to campus, and he assumes she’s coming back to his dorm with him, but she stops walking as they get to the parking garage where her car is parked from her classes earlier. 

“I’m studying abroad next semester.” 

Bellamy stops walking and glances behind him to see Gina standing there, hands stuck under her arms to keep them from the cold. 

“Yeah, I know.” 

They had talked about it in August. Gina wanted him to go and study with her in France, but as much as he would enjoy the chance to travel and see the world, it wasn’t in his budget. 

“It’s our last semester of college, Bell. You’ll be busy student teaching and working. I’ll be hours ahead and studying in France.” 

He cocks his head to the side, not sure where she’s going with this, “Yeah?” 

“Are we really going to have time to do this long distance thing? Go five whole months without seeing each other?” 

His stomach drops, “What are you saying?” 

She steps towards him and takes his hands in hers, “Maybe we should just… take a break.” 

“A break?” 

She nods, smiling gently at him, “That way we don’t feel guilty when neither of us have time to spend with the other. You can focus on school and work. And… And we’ll see where we both are when I get back from France.” 

She kisses his cheek, and then she’s walking away from him. 

He texts Clarke as soon as he gets to his dorm, but she doesn’t respond until the next day. 

_ Clarke: Do we need a pint of ice cream, rum, and a netflix binge?  _

_ Bellamy: I think i’m okay.  _

Miller shows up at his dorm a few hours later with hot cheetos and beer. “Clarke told me Gina dumped you.” 

Bellamy opens the door wider, and they sit on his futon couch eating the cheetos and drinking the beer while watching  _ Drunk History.  _

  
  


_ Bellamy: you didn’t have to send miller to my rescue  _

_ Clarke: wanted to be sure you were okay and i couldn’t skip class again  _

  
  


They facetime a few days later. Clarke’s hair has streaks of red in it, and it catches him off guard every time he gets a glimpse. 

“How are you? Really.” 

She keeps moving her phone around, but she finally settles. All Bellamy can see of her right now are her eyes and forehead, her blue eyes filling up the screen. 

“I’m fine, Clarke. I promise.” He releases a sigh, “Maybe it’s a sign that we really did need a break, because I’m not as upset about it as I probably should be.” 

He thinks she rolls her eyes, but now all he sees is her nose. “I still say you need a good cry session and a pint of ice cream.” 

“What makes you think I didn’t have that with Miller?” 

“Oh, please. As if I don’t know the two of you. You probably just drank beer and watched some stupid documentary.” 

“It was  _ Drunk History.”  _

“Stupid documentary.” 

It’s nearly a month after Christmas when Octavia calls him and asks him to meet her at her apartment. 

He’s not surprised when Lincoln is there, too. 

He is surprised to see a wedding ring on her finger. 

He doesn’t stay for dinner. Instead he gets back in his car, and drives to Clarke’s school. 

It’s nearly eleven at night when he gets to her place. She has an apartment now that she shares with Anya, another art student that’s a year above her. He knocks on the door and when it’s opened, he’s staring at a slightly intimidating Anya. 

“Clarke! Your  _ not  _ boyfriend is here!” 

She leaves the door open and walks away. Bellamy walks in, unsure of where to go. 

Clarke eventually appears, and when she sees him she smiles until she takes in the look on his face. Then she brings him to the couch to sit next to her. 

“What’s wrong?” 

So he tells her everything. He tells her that Octavia got married. That he wasn’t able to be a part of it. That the age difference isn’t really what’s bothering him, if he’s being honest with himself. What bothers him is the fact that she’s his baby sister, and now someone else has the spot of her number one. 

Once he’s done ranting, she speaks up. 

“Is Lincoln good for her?” 

He’s a little shocked by her question, “What? Yeah, of course he is. She’s calmed down a lot since being with him.” 

She gives him a helpless smile, “Then isn’t that all that matters?” 

When he doesn’t respond, she keeps going, “You’ll always be her big brother, Bell. That’s never going to change. But Lincoln is something different, not necessarily better or more, but something else that helps her grow. One day, you’ll find that person for yourself.” 

It’s late. They should both be asleep, but Clarke is using him as a pillow. He thinks his left arm might be numb, but he isn’t really sure. Her hair is still damp from her shower, and Bellamy doesn’t think he’s seen her this relaxed in a long time. 

“ _ Not-boyfriend?”  _

He feels her stiffen, but then she breathes out a laugh, “Apparently you and I act like we’re a couple.” 

“I, uh, what?” 

“I know. Anya and Maya are just being ridiculous.” 

“We’re just best friends.” 

“Exactly.” She moves and rearranges so she can look at him, “They think it’s weird we talk every day and we both try to visit each other once a month.” 

Bellamy feels defensive about it, and he’s not entirely sure why. He thinks about it for a moment and then, “It’s like you said. We’re each other’s family.” 

It’s dark, but he can see her beam at him. 

  
Bellamy graduates early May. His Ma, despite complaining about being tired so much lately, and Octavia and Clarke come to support him. He doesn’t celebrate with his other friends until he finishes student teaching at the end of the month. 

In the middle of his ceremony, Clarke texts him. 

_ Clarke: Is ur mom okay? _

_ Bellamy: ? _

_ Clarke: she had trouble making it up the steps without getting rlly out of breath  _

_ Bellamy: i’ll check on her after this  _

He doesn’t get a chance to talk to Aurora until later that night after Octavia and Clarke had left. 

She’s on the couch crocheting what he presumes is a blanket for him, when he goes to sit next to her, “You feeling alright, Ma?” 

She doesn’t miss a beat with her crocheting when she looks up at him, “Of course I am. Why’re you asking?” 

“Clarke mentioned something.” 

Aurora waves her hand, dismissing him and his worries. “You kids are too much. I’m fine. Don’t worry about me.” 

And Bellamy doesn’t. He has no reason not to believe his mom. 

After college, Bellamy moves back in with his mom. He says it’s just until he finds a teaching job, but really he’s not that upset about it. 

He’s applied for jobs all around the district, and he finally gets interviews with Ark Middle and High  _ and  _ South Mecha Middle. He gets offered the job both at Ark Middle and Mecha Middle, after talking to his mom and Clarke about it, he chooses Ark. 

During all of their summer meetings, Bellamy meets Echo, one of the activity teachers. They get drinks after one exceptionally boring meeting. One moment they’re at the bar and the next he’s under the covers in her bed. 

They fall into an easy arrangement after that. Helping each other find release on particularly bad days and weeks. 

They don’t tell anyone. Though Bellamy wouldn’t be surprised if Miller has pieced it together. Mainly because there’s nothing to tell. Sometimes they go home together, and whatever they do behind their closed doors is no one else’s business. 

They’re not dating, and Bellamy doubts they even like each other half the time. But they’re helping each other with a mutual need, and he doesn’t see anything wrong with that. 

He loves teaching. He loves the kids, the relationships he’s able to build with them, seeing their eyes light up when something he’s been trying to get across for what seems to be weeks finally clicks for them. He loves being where he went to middle school, the memories of his time with Miller, Murphy, Harper, and Clarke flooding back as if a dam had broken. 

He loves teaching alongside teachers that looked down on him for being from South Mecha, loves teaching along the teachers that lifted him up and motivated him to succeed. 

The politics that came with teaching? He didn’t love that so much. 

“We’re moving Aden to a different ELA class, Mr. Blake.” 

Bellamy is preparing his room for his next class. It’s his planning period. He usually takes this time to have a peaceful lunch without children harassing him for bites of his food, but today he was too behind. 

He wasn’t expecting to see the principal, Diana Sydney, in his classroom today. Actually, he wasn’t expecting to see her at all. He tries to stay out of her path as much as possible. 

He all but slams the worksheets he was holding on to the nearest desk. This has been an ongoing argument since day one. Aden’s parents wanted their son to be with the ELA teacher he’s had for the past two years, and while Bellamy understands that, he also understands that won’t be able to be an option next year when Aden is in high school. Having Bellamy as his teacher this year, who works very closely with Nyko who has been his teacher the last two years, will help prepare him for the upcoming years. 

Aden is perfectly content being in Bellamy’s class. Why his parents continue to be difficult despite that, is beyond Bellamy’s understanding. 

“I thought we both agreed it would be best for him if he stayed in my class.” He crosses his arms and stares at Principal Sidney. 

One of the main reasons he tries to stay out of her path is because she almost always backs the students and the parents, leaving the teachers high and dry. Seems to Bellamy, she’s doing just that again. 

“His parents are very adamant about him returning to Mr. Nyko.” 

Bellamy raises his eyebrows. There’s something more to it than that. 

Principal Sidney sighs. She suddenly looks more tired than she had a few seconds ago, and Bellamy almost felt bad for her. Almost. 

“His parents donate a lot of money and time to our PTO.”

_ This cannot seriously be about money,  _ He thinks. 

The creature that he assumed had died or moved on, resurrected itself in that moment, and squeezed Bellamy’s heart with its talons. 

“They’re threatening to stop donating and possibly transfer him to Polis Academy if we don’t place him back with Mr. Nyko. They’re not leaving us any choice.” 

Bellamy wants to tell her she’s creating an environment where parents make the rules. He wants to tell her that’s dangerous territory, that it only goes downhill from here. He wants to tell her that if she does this for Aden and his parents, all the other parents are going to want the school to bend to all their wants and needs as well. He wants to say all of that and much, much more, but doesn’t. 

His phone vibrates in his pocket, and instead of saying any of that to Principal Sidney, he answers. 

“Bellamy Blake speaking.” 

“Bellamy, its Lincoln. You need to get to Mecha General.” 

Bellamy’s world stops. His brain is telling him he needs to breathe, but it feels like his throat is closing. He can’t. 

“Octavia?” 

“No,” Lincoln’s voice is gruff, “It’s Jasper.” 

His throat stops closing, but it doesn’t make breathing any easier. 

“I’ll be there as soon as I can.” 

Nyko, thankfully, has next period off. He’s agreed to watch Bellamy’s class until they find a sub or an assistant to come in. Bellamy doesn’t think he really asked permission to leave, just assumed it was okay, and booked it to his car. 

He still has the old rundown SUV from high school, and he’s surprised it’s still running. But he’s more than grateful for it now. 

He calls Clarke as soon as he gets on the highway. 

“Bell? Aren’t you supposed to be teaching right now?” 

She sounds worried, and if she’s half as worried as he was when Lincoln called, he feels guilty for putting that on her. 

“Lincoln called. Told me I had to get to the hospital right away. Said it was Jasper, but I don’t know any details.” 

He hears her gasp, a small and heartbreaking sound. “I’ll leave now.” 

“Clarke, your car is in the shop.” 

Her AC went out two weeks ago. In the South, even in October, you can’t live with a car that doesn’t have AC. 

“You don’t have to come. I just,” He stumbles over his words, trying to find what he wants to say, “You just needed to know.” 

_ “Bellamy.  _ I’m coming. He’s my friend, too. I’ll borrow Maya’s car. It won’t be a thing. I’ll text you when I’m on my way.” 

The first person Bellamy sees in the hospital, the first one he recognizes, is Abby Griffin. 

She hurries to him as he walks through the automatic doors, “Clarke told me.” 

She reaches out, as if to hug him, but then drops her arms to her side, “There’s nothing I can do. There– it’s not my area. But I know the doctor who is doing the surgery, and he’s one of our best.” 

“W-what happened?” 

“I’m not sure. I know he was shot, but I don’t know the details.” She reaches out again, and this time her hand lands gently on his elbow, “C’mon. I’ll take you to the others.” 

His friends, all of them, are already there. He’s not entirely sure when his two worlds collided, merged, and stitched themselves together so delicately, but he’s thankful for it. 

Jackson is there in his scrubs, sitting on the arm of the chair that Miller is sitting in, his head in his hands. Lincoln and Octavia are sitting on the floor together, him tracing the lines of her palms, her with eyes closed and head tilted back. Murphy and Harper sitting together, watching Monty with worried expressions. And Monty. Monty with his neck bowed and hands pressed together as if praying. But praying to what God? What God would allow this to happen?

He goes and sits next to Monty, his hand coming to rest on his friend’s back. 

Monty’s voice is thick and hoarse when he whispers, “Thanks for coming, Bellamy.” 

“He’s my family, too. Of course I’m here.” 

A voice made of something evil and sadistic rises up in his gut asking him,  _ If he’s your family, why haven’t you been there for him? _

Bellamy does his best to squash the thought to nothing but ash. 

“He’s my brother. We’re the only family we have.” 

“I know, Monty. I know.” 

Emori and Raven come by with pizza and coffee for the group of friends. They end up staying with them, even when Murphy tells them they don’t have to. 

Eventually Bellamy gets the full story. Jasper has been hanging out on Alie Drive, the street that Dax had lived on, and apparently had gotten deep in the drug scene. Jasper wasn’t supposed to be there today, but he stumbled on a drug deal gone wrong, one second he’s standing there. The next, there’s a bullet in his stomach. 

Finally,  _ finally,  _ Clarke gets there. 

He stands up at the first glimpse of her hair coming through the double doors, and then he’s rushing to her, and at last he has her in his arms again. 

“What’s happening? Is he okay?”

He fills her in as they walk back to the others, his hands never straying too far from her. 

They sit in the waiting lounge for another hour before the doctors come out. 

“He made it out of surgery. He’s in recovery now, but family is allowed to go back and see him.” 

Monty gets up, all determination and anger, ready to go back to see his best friend. The doctor stops him. 

“Only family. I’m sorry.” 

“I’m the only family he has!” Bellamy doesn’t think he’s ever heard Monty yell before. 

Abby walks up, places a warning hand on the doctor’s shoulder, “Let him in.” 

The doctor eyes Abby Griffin curiously, but nods and does as she says, “Only you, though.” 

Monty stays with Jasper throughout the night. The rest of them take turns staying with Monty. 

Clarke and Bellamy take their turn together, and they’re in the waiting lounge sharing a muffin from a vending machine when he sees Echo. 

He chokes on the vending machine muffin. 

“Echo?” 

He stands up, not entirely sure what to do with his hands, and walks over to her. He’s even more confused when she goes in for a kiss. 

They don’t kiss in public. 

Ever. 

He pulls back and tries to smile, but he doesn’t know if he managed or not. “What are you doing here?” 

“Nyko said your friend was in the hospital. I came as soon as I could.” 

He glances at Clarke, which doesn’t help matters since she looks just as confused as he feels. 

“I– uh, what?” 

Echo holds up a bag of curly fries, “Brought you food.” 

She doesn’t stay long, but once she leaves he almosts wish she would come back. Now he has no choice but to talk to Clarke. 

He could just sit in silence, but he reasons that would make the situation worse. 

“You have a girlfriend.” 

Bellamy cringes, “I don’t.” 

Clarke gives him a flat look, extremely unimpressed. “She brought you food. She kissed you. Clearly she thinks you two are  _ something.”  _

“We’re not dating, and she’s not my girlfriend. We just hang out sometimes.” 

_ “Hangout.  _ Sure.” 

Now Bellamy is the one giving her a flat look, “Are we really doing this now? While our friend is recovering from surgery?” 

Clarke doesn’t say anything, and minutes pass is silence. 

She eats the last bite of the muffin then quietly says, “You could’ve at least told me.” 

Bellamy slouches in his chair and crosses his ankles, “There was nothing to tell.” 

Jasper still hasn’t woken up when Jackson and Miller come to relieve them. 

Bellamy assumed that Clarke would be coming with him back to his house, but when they get to the car garage, Clarke hesitates at his car. 

“I think I just want to go back to Mom’s place tonight.” 

Bellamy cocks his head to the side, “You sure?” 

She nods, “Yeah, I haven’t been home in a while. Might as well take advantage of it now.” 

He’s about to step closer to her to give her another hug or to ask her if she’s really okay, but she takes a step back. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow.” 

And with a quick smile, she’s gone. 

The next day, Bellamy has his first anxiety attack. 

When his mom wakes up to get ready for work, he hears her getting ready and wakes up. He stays in bed for a while, wondering why it feels like something is sitting on his chest, before he eventually gets up to go for a run. 

He runs down his street until he gets to the main stretch, passing the old, rusty playground that he used to take Octavia. The metal used to be blue, but now it looks more brown. He runs five blocks down the main road passing the dollar general and the bakery where his dad supposedly worked before leaving town. The rest of the shops are closed with papers over the windows and for sale signs propped up in the doors. Even the gas station has an  _ Out of Service  _ on all of it’s pumps. He doesn’t remember Mecha being this desolate. 

He’s trying to remember when his town started to die, when his brain helpfully replies with  _ Hurricane.  _

Now that he’s looking for it, he can see the water stains from where the town flooded. Most are at his shoulder, but some are higher still. Under one of the bridges, someone spray painted  _ Water Stopped Here  _ with a line indicating how high it was. 

It was twice Bellamy’s height. 

He wonders what other scars the hurricane left on his home that he wasn’t aware of. 

He turns left on Alie Drive, and runs faster as he nears Dax’s old house, the neighboring house where Jasper got shot, and finally the ditch where Jake was left to die. 

Bellamy has his own scars in this town. 

Breathing becomes harder as he passes all of these places. He thinks he’s just out of shape from not running in a while, but this feels different. He pushes himself harder, but his throat feels like something is stuck in it, squeezing around it so it’s harder and harder to breathe. 

By the time he gets back to his house, he’s wheezing. He’s seeing black spots, his skin feels prickly, and his chest feels tight. He makes it to his front porch, leans against one of the posts, and slides down, resting his head in his hands. He doesn’t notice the car in the driveway, and he doesn’t hear Clarke coming out the front door. 

He feels like his own skin is suffocating him. 

“Bell? Bellamy, what’s wrong?” 

He feels her sitting beside him more than he hears. 

“I can’t–” He tries to take a deep breath, but it comes in gulps. “I–” 

He feels her hand wrap around his arm, “Can’t what, Bell? What’s going on?” 

“Can’t…” He tries to take another breath, “Breathe.” 

Clarke moves to crouch in front of him, and takes his head between her hands. He tries to focus on her face, “You have to take slow, deep breaths, Bell. Breathe with me.” 

Her hands fall from his face and rest on his knees, “C’mon. In through your nose. That’s it. One… two… three… four… five… Hold it, and now slowly release.  _ Slowly, _ Bellamy. Good, good. Now again.” 

She breathes with him until the weight lifts off from his chest and his throat no longer feels like it’s closing, but his skin still feels too tight for his body. 

“What was that, Bell?” 

He lifts up his shoulders helplessly, “I don’t know, Clarke. I was running, and then I couldn’t breathe.” 

They make their way inside to his room, and she sits beside him on the bed, occasionally glancing at all her drawings taped on his wall. 

“I think you need to talk about it.” 

He glances at her, tries to ignore the understanding painted on her face that caused his stomach to twist, “About what?” 

She doesn’t answer him, just stares. 

His skin feels clammy, even to him. He takes another deep breath. “I can’t remember the last time I saw Jasper.” 

“I’m sure it was over the summer.” 

He shakes his head, “I was in teacher meetings all summer, or the first year teacher conference, or setting up my room. I barely saw you. I don’t– I don’t know when I last saw him.” 

Clarke stays quiet. 

“I should’ve been around more. He doesn’t have anyone to look after him. Octavia was it, and that’s  _ Octavia.  _ As soon as I transferred to Ark Middle, I just, I forgot about him. I forgot about all of them.” 

Clarke reaches out, and he wants to pull away, but he doesn’t. “You didn’t forget anyone, Bell. You were just living your life.” 

“Exactly. I was living my life, a better life, while they were stuck in this town. This dying, good for nothing town.” 

Clarke knows there’s nothing she can say in response to make him calm down. 

He takes another breath and stands up, walks away from the bed and stares out the window. 

“I couldn’t protect him, Clarke.” He thinks about Octavia getting kicked out of school, Jake dying, Clarke in pain because of her dad’s death. Monty being worried sick about Jasper. Whatever the hell is wrong with his mom. “I can’t protect anyone.” 

He hears Clarke inhale sharp and quick, and then she’s standing behind him, hiding her face at his back and wrapping her arms around his waist, “It’s not your job to protect everyone. It’s not your job to be there for everyone.” 

He feels her rest her cheek against his back, her breathe gentle and soothing. He slowly starts to relax. 

“Your only job is to take care of yourself. You can’t take on the burden of your world.” 

He intertwines his fingers with hers, “And what if I can’t stop? What if I’m already carrying these burdens and I can’t put it down? Don’t know who I am without them?” 

She rests her forehead against him and holds him tighter, “Then it’s a damn good thing I’m here to carry you.” 

Jasper wakes up two days later, and Bellamy leaves work early as soon as he hears. As he’s walking in the hospital, he runs into his mom leaving. 

“Ma?” 

She looks more than a little surprised to see him there, “Bell? Shouldn’t you be at work?” 

“Shouldn’t you?” Bellamy fires back. 

She gives him a smile, but he doesn’t find it that reassuring. “Just came in for a check up. Had a few aches and pains. All is well.” 

Something twists in his gut. His throat tightens. He breathes. 

“You’d tell me if it was something more?” 

Another smile he doesn’t buy, “Of course I would.” 

He nods, not wanting to argue with her about this now, “I’m headed up to see Jasper. He finally woke up. Wanna come?” 

She shakes her head, “I stopped by after I finished up my business. He’s a good kid. Don’t be too mad at him, Bell.” 

When he gets to Jasper’s room, Monty is still sitting in his chair, and Harper is sitting on the counter helping herself to Jasper’s chocolate cake. Jasper is sitting up in bed, a smirk plastered on his face. 

“It’s about time you showed up to celebrate my resurrection, Grandpa.” 

“Glad to see you’re feeling better. A few more days and I can kick your ass for being such an idiot.” 

Jasper laughs, but then stops when he sees Bellamy’s face, “You’re joking, right?” He glances at Monty, “He’s joking, isn’t he?” 

Bellamy shrugs off his jacket and sits in the extra chair, “Guess we’ll have to wait to find out.” 

After that, working at Ark Middle wasn’t what it was before. He makes it all the way to Thanksgiving break before having his first meltdown. 

He’s at Miller’s, sprawled out on their couch while Murphy cooks in the kitchen and Miller plays some game on his x-box. 

“The kids are just so entitled.” 

Murphy peeks his head around the corner, “If you hate it so much, why don’t you just leave?” 

“Leave?” 

“Do you not know that word?” 

“I need a job, though.” 

“So get one some place else.” 

“Like where?” 

“Geez, do I have to do everything myself?”   
Miller pauses his game and looks at Bellamy like he’s an idiot. Maybe he is. 

“If Mecha has another opening, apply again. They wanted you this year. Why wouldn’t they want you again?” 

Bellamy doesn’t get a chance to reply. Wells comes in with Raven and Emori in tow. 

“We have arrived for Friendsgiving, and we are ready to  _ feast!”  _ Wells announces as he pushes Bellamy’s legs off the couch and makes himself at home. 

Raven and Emori make their way to the kitchen, bowls and platters in their hands. 

“Where’s Clarke?” 

Bellamy shrugs, “I’m not her keeper.” 

Both Wells and Miller gives him a look. He sighs, “Fine. She got pulled into something with her mom. She’s catching a ride with Jackson. Should be here in half an hour.” 

Miller throws a dirty sock at Bellamy’s face, “Is Echo coming?” 

Bellamy sputters and throws the sock at Wells, who in turn throws it behind the TV.

“Echo is coming. Octavia and Lincoln are coming. Harper and Monty and Jasper are coming. Everyone is coming. Now leave me alone.” 

_ Bellamy: hurry up and get here. I’m being bullied  _

_ Clarke: ten bucks say you arent ur just being grumpy  _

_ Bellamy: i hate you  _

_ Clarke: you spelled love wrong  _

When everyone arrives, the apartment feels cramped, but there’s laughter and teasing and the aroma of food that’s about to be devoured. Bellamy can’t be too mad about. 

Echo sticks next to him most of the time, unless she’s talking to Emori. They found out they were from the same area, and have been bonding over it ever since. 

He doesn’t see much of Clarke. She catches up with Wells, and then sits with Raven and Murphy talking about who knows what.

They all eat more than they should, and when they’re stuffed so full they can barely think about getting up and leaving, they all find their way to the living room. 

“Someone’s going to have to roll me away like Violet in Willy Wonka,” Octavia moans from her place in the middle of the floor. 

Jasper props his legs on her stomach, and she lets out an  _ oof _ , “It won’t be me because someone will have to be rolling me out, too.” 

She shoves his legs off of her, “Get your grubby feet off of me, you idiot.” 

“Careful! My bullet wound!” 

“Is on your  _ stomach! _ Not your legs!” 

Murphy shoves Bellamy and Echo on the same couch cushion so he can sit, “Stop bickering like siblings. It’s annoying.” 

“Says  _ you.”  _ Jasper spits back. 

“Yes, says me. So unless you want me to punch you in your stomach, shut up.” 

Jasper huffs, but doesn’t say another word. Octavia glares. 

Murphy elbows Bellamy in the side, “What did you decide to do about applying to Mecha?” 

Echo turns to look at Bellamy, “What?” 

He shrugs, “Just haven’t been feeling Ark lately.” 

Miller decides then is a good time to pipe up from the recliner he’s sharing with Jackson, “His exact words were  _ hate  _ and  _ loath _ and  _ entitled brats. _ ” 

“Really? I thought you were enjoying it.” 

“The day Jasper got shot, I was in the middle of arguing over whether or not a kid should be moved just because his parents donate a lot of money to the school. Ark has completely different priorities than Mecha, and Mecha is my  _ home.  _ It’s where I belong, and it’s where my people are.” 

“That doesn’t mean you have to teach there. It’s dangerous. Besides, you grew up in Ark. Those are your people, too.” 

“Yeah, but they don’t need me like Mecha does.” 

“And Mecha needs you specifically?” 

“I don’t know. But I’m willing to try to help. Doesn’t that count for something?” 

The conversation dies after that, and Jasper stares at him, eyes wide. 

“Well, I for one think that anywhere you go will benefit from you being there.” Clarke says from her seat next to Wells. 

Bellamy gives her a grateful smile, “Thanks, Princess.” 

Clarke graduates that Christmas. 

** _The Goon Squad _ ** ** _  
_ ** _ Murphy: who the hell has a graduation on a thursday morning  _

_ Bellamy: For the last time you dont have to come  _

_ Murphy: like hell  _

_ Miller: we’re coming. End of story.  _

_ Murphy: am i allowed to bring in a flask?  _

_ Wells: no  _

_ Miller: no  _

_ Bellamy: No. Definitely not. _

_ Wells: imma be late but save me a seat _

Bellamy is the first one out of his friends to get there. Abby is already sitting, and so he goes and sits next to her. 

“Thanks for coming, Bellamy. I know it means a lot to Clarke.” 

Bellamy feels his face heat up, but the answer comes easy and natural, “Anything for your daughter.” 

She gives him a look, and for a moment he’s thrown back to being a teenager coming down for breakfast at her house, her giving him a look he couldn’t quite decipher. This time he can read it, and it unsettles him. 

“You love her, don’t you?” 

His answer is immediate and without thought, “Of course I do.” 

It’s only after he answers that he wonders how she meant. Wonders how he meant. 

Miller and Murphy show up a few minutes later, and Bellamy is more relieved than he thought he would be. He didn’t know how much more small talk with Abby he could take. 

They walk in with their hands behind their backs, and Bellamy knows they’re up to something even before they sit down next to him. 

“What did you do?”   
“Why do you always think I’m the guilty party?” Murphy asks, mocked offended. 

Bellamy gives them a flat look. 

They look at each other and then smile and finally show what is behind their backs. 

Foam Fingers. 

He laughs, “Where’s mine?” 

Wells shows up as they finish off the D’s, and brings the rest of them chips from the gas station down the street. 

Murphy proclaims his undying love then and there. 

When Clarke’s name is called, they all shout and cheer for her, even Abby. 

After, Clarke rides home with Bellamy, and they all meet up at their favorite pub. All of her friends showed up, even Anya and Maya, and Bellamy spots Echo there, standing in the corner away from the others. 

It’s a fun night. Clarke is laughing, and the red streaks are back in her hair. He doesn’t think he’s seen her look so free and so confident before. 

His heart sinks. She’s beautiful. 

He drives Echo home that night so she doesn’t have to take an uber. She asks if he wants to stay the night, but he tells her he needs to go home. 

It takes him twenty-five minutes to get to Clarke’s. 

He walks up the front sidewalk and knocks on the front door. He hears Clarke running down the stairs before opening the door. 

“Bellamy?” She opens the door wider, “Why didn’t you just use your key?” 

He doesn’t step inside, and he can tell that confuses her. “I think Echo and I are about to start officially dating.” 

She furrows her brow, and he can tell she’s trying not to frown. “Okay.” 

He wants to step towards her, go inside, and go up to her room like they used to do as kids, but they aren’t kids anymore. 

He takes a deep breath and steadies himself, “I need to know if there is any reason that I shouldn’t date her. If there is, please tell me.” 

He thinks his voice cracks at the end, but he tries not to think about it. 

Clarke’s face goes expressionless. She blinks once, twice. 

“No. There’s no reason.” 

He nods once, and then turns on his heal and leaves. He doesn’t look back when he drives away. 

When he gets home, Aurora is sitting in the recliner.

Bellamy glances at the clock; she’s usually in bed by now. 

“Ma, what are you doing up?” 

She doesn’t look up from the blanket she’s crocheting, “Had some aches and pains that got worse when I laid down. I decided to sleep out here tonight.” 

Red flags go up in Bellamy’s mind, “Are you okay?” 

She looks at him then, and smiles, “Of course I am, Bell.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm trying to update every fortnight give or take a few days, so the final installment of this fic SHOULD be up in two weeks. Hopefully. Fingers crossed. 
> 
> I'm always down for a good chit chat about these characters, this show, and my story so come find me on tumblr at [fangirlingbarista](https://thefangirlingbarista.tumblr.com/) if you want. 
> 
> Kudos are welcomed and comments are loved.


	4. The One Where They Try To Change The World

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Bellamy looks up at Clarke, “I went to therapy today.”  
She snorts, “I am aware.”  
“She said something that has me thinking.”  
She looks up then, “Yeah?”  
“She said that maybe we’re here to help the upcoming generation have a better chance at life than we did.”  
Clarke watches him, letting his words really sink in. “That’s a pretty powerful statement.”  
“It just has me thinking. Maybe we’re not doing enough.”  
“What are you thinking?”  
“I’m not sure yet, but as soon as I am, you’ll be the first to know.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> okay so this chapter took three times as long as the others took to post, and for that I'm sorry.  
But it is over 19k, so I feel like that makes it better. That being said... if you have something you need to be doing and are using this as a way to procrastinate... you should probably not read the whole thing. Finish whatever it is, grab a glass of water, and snuggle in for a good read. 
> 
> Possible triggers:  
death  
mentioned gun violence  
cancer  
i think that's it.

Echo and Bellamy keep things casual. After the conversation with Clarke and the disappointment he felt yet again, he figured it wouldn’t be fair to Echo if he started dating her while trying to get over Clarke. Again. 

He thought he wasn’t as deep as he was before, but weeks turn to months and he’s still just as much in love with her as he was during winter. 

In January, Clarke leaves for the Dominican again. Bellamy takes her to the airport this time; her mom couldn’t since she was on call and had to be ready to go in at a second’s notice. 

They’re standing at the line for security. Bellamy idly wondering if he is going to spend the entirety of his life saying goodbye to the love of his life.

She cut her hair the day before, and it’s at her shoulders. She has half of it up with a scrunchie that brings him back to their childhood. 

“You’ve got your passport?” His hands are in his pockets. He doesn’t really want to do this again. 

“Yeah, I do.” She pats the side pocket of her travel pack. “You don’t have to worry about me, Bell. This isn’t my first rodeo.” 

“I know that. It’s just…” He trails off, not really knowing what he wants to say. 

She gives him a smile at that, “We’ve done this before. It’s just a year.” 

He tries to smile, “What’s a year when we have nine under the rug?” 

“Exactly.” 

There’s a step separating them, and he takes it, and wraps her up in a hug, arms going over her shoulder and holding her close. Her hair tickles his arms. He presses a kiss against her hair, tries not to overthink it, and let’s go. 

“Go, before you miss your plane.” 

She smiles again, and it makes it chest ache, and turns to leaves. 

She’s barely taken two steps when he calls out to her again.

“Hey, Clarke?” 

She pauses and turns to look at him, “What?” 

“Just in case,” He takes a breath, “If you… Echo and I aren’t dating.” 

She looks startled by his admission, “Bellamy–” 

“If it matters to you, if it makes a difference. I just wanted you to know before you left.” 

Something in her cracks, and she runs the few steps back to him. She stretches up to kiss his cheek, and then she’s stepping away again. Her eyes full of… _something _that Bellamy can’t quite place.   
“We’ll talk?” 

He smiles and nods, the ache in his chest a little less noticeable, and then she’s gone.

The next year is one full of transitions. Clarke is in the Dominican again. Miller gets accepted and graduates from the police academy (His dad has never been more proud). Murphy becomes a chef for one of the local bistros. Lincoln and Octavia move back to Mecha. Monty and Jasper are working together on opening up another location for Green’s Cafe – this time in Mecha. Everyone is starting new chapters in their lives. Bellamy not only finished his first year teaching, which was grueling and stressful, but he also quit his job at Ark and started a new position at South Mecha Middle. 

It’s June, and him and Miller are in Bellamy’s car driving around looking at potential houses for him to buy. Bellamy has enough for a good down payment, and now that he’s feeling settled in his job at South Mecha, he feels like he’s ready for this next step. 

Miller’s been quiet most of the ride, which isn’t out of character, but he keeps sneaking glances at Bellamy. It’s driving him crazy. 

“Out with it, Nate.” 

“That’s Officer Miller to you.” Miller jokes, but then, “Would you be offended if I said I was worried about you?” 

Bellamy narrows his eyes at him, “Depends.” 

“You’re just kind of going through life very lethargically.” 

“Lethargically? Really?”

“Listen, you take the lead in a lot of aspects of your life. You’re a great leader for your mom and O, but with your own life? You’ve kinda lost motivation a little.” 

“Dude, I literally just changed jobs because that’s what I wanted to do. What felt right. That’s not a lack of motivation from where I’m standing.” 

“Okay. Fine. We’re talking about your love life. Your lethargic in your love life.” 

“Can you stop using that word?” Bellamy turns down a street a block from the school. There’s a house that’s definitely a fixer upper, but it has great potential. He wants Miller’s opinion on it. “Please tell me how I’m  _ lethargic  _ in my love life. I don’t even have a love life!” 

Miller gives him a look, “Exactly.” 

Bellamy pulls to the side of the road and looks at the house. It might’ve been worse than he remembered, but still. 

“This piece of shit is what you want?” Miller sounds more appalled than anything, “Are you joking?” 

Bellamy laughs, “No, I’m not joking. C’mon. It’s empty.” 

He hears Miller mutter, “Of course it’s empty. Only rodents of unusual size would live in that disaster.” 

The yard is overgrown, but there’s an ancient Oak in the front yard with an old wooden swing that’s seen better days. The front porch isn’t much to look at. The railing is rotten and falling off. In some sections, it’s gone entirely. The windows are shattered, and Bellamy is genuinely surprised that the front door is able to close without falling off the hinges. 

The inside looks like something from a horror film with the wallpaper peeling off the walls, pieces of the floor missing, and half of the cabinets falling in on themselves in the kitchen. 

Bellamy motions for Miller to hurry up. 

“You know this is a perfect place for a murder, right?” 

He ignores Miller, “So this is the entrance, but on the other side of this wall is the living room, and on this one is the dining and kitchen.” 

“You’re out of your damn mind.” 

“So we could just knock down the walls so it doesn’t feel like a trap as soon as we walk in. And then,” He starts down the hall and hopes that Miller follows. 

“Are we trespassing? I’m a cop now, Bellamy. I can’t be part of your illegal activities. I think I just saw a spider the size of my face scurry away.” 

They get to the stairs and Bellamy starts heading up. 

“Oh, hell no. This is payback for calling you lethargic, isn’t it? Look, man, I was just trying to be a good friend. You want to know what’s not a good friend? Leading me to my death.” 

Bellamy looks over his shoulder to make sure Miller is following him. He is. 

“You need to stop hanging out with Murphy so much. You’re starting to sound like him.” He goes into one of the rooms, and there are gang signs painted on the walls, “So it’s a two bedroom house, and the second room is damn small. But check out this closet! It’s huge. No one needs one this size.” 

Bellamy walks in to show Miller how big it is. 

“Have you met Jasper? This still wouldn’t be enough space for all of his junk.” 

“Shut up. So we could bring this wall in some, make the closet smaller, and make the second room a little bigger.” He steps out, making sure to step over the hole that shows the downstairs, “And then there’s an office downstairs that could be a third bedroom if I wanted it to be.” 

Miller is standing in the middle of the room, making sure not to touch anything, “And who will be doing all of this work?” 

Bellamy shrugs, “Obviously for the bigger stuff I’d pay someone. But there’ll be a lot of stuff I can do on my own. Like the flooring and pulling the carpet up and installing appliances.” 

“Since when can you do all that?” 

“I did it for work during college.” 

“How did I not know that?” 

“You were too busy sucking face with Jackson.” 

“Valid point.” 

They go back downstairs, and to the backyard, which is Bellamy’s favorite part of the house. It’s a pretty decent yard, especially for Mecha, and has plenty of pecan trees giving the yard shade. Past the property line, there’s farm land, and when the sun hits it just right, the greens and yellow shine and cause it to look magical. 

“So,” He turns to look at Miller, who is currently busy dusting off his shirt, “What do you think?” 

“I think it’s a damn money pit is what I think.” He straightens up and stares at Bellamy, looking for something, “But if it’s something you really want to do, I’ll support you. Idiot.” 

Bellamy squeezes his shoulder, “Thanks.” 

They’re back in the car, and part of Bellamy thinks he’s successfully avoided the conversation about his love life. 

He thought wrong. 

“Are you going to pine after Clarke your entire life?” 

Bellamy slams on the breaks just because he can. 

“Your reckless driving doesn’t faze me, Blake.”

Bellamy doesn’t answer the original question, and when Miller figures out that he isn’t going to, no matter how long they sit in silence, he goes again. 

“You do realize you haven’t dated anyone since Gina, who was your first girlfriend, right?” 

“Jackson was yours.” 

Miller rolls his eyes, completely done with him. “Yes, but the difference is I’m still with him.” 

“Echo.” 

“That’s a casual sleeping arrangement that you don’t know how to end.” 

Bellamy wants to argue, but his friend has a point. 

“You just kind of stumbled into your relationship with Gina, and while I know you really did love her, you just kind of let her go. And then you fell into whatever this is with Echo, and you’re not even putting any effort into it. You continue to let Clarke slip through your fingers.” 

“Why are you bringing Clarke into this?” 

Miller scoffs, “Really?” 

When Bellamy doesn’t answer, Miller continues, “You’ve been in love with Griffin since at least tenth grade, if not way before then. You two did this ridiculous dance around each other in high school, then college, and now. And frankly? It’s exhausting to witness.” 

Bellamy thinks back to his goodbye to Clarke at the airport. They said they’d talk, but they still hadn’t. At least, not about that. 

“Look, I tried with Clarke. She’s not interested. I’m just going to enjoy being single and not worry about my love life. I’m done pining after my best friend.” 

Miller blinks, “I’m going to refrain from making a snarky comment about who your best friend  _ actually  _ is, and instead I want to rewind and go back to how you tried.  _ What?  _ When did  _ that  _ happen?” 

Bellamy shrugs, “Last winter.” 

Miller waits, but Bellamy doesn’t go on. 

“Are you really going to make me ask every individual question? How did it happen? C’mon, details, man.” 

“I went to her house after her graduation party and asked if there was any reason I shouldn’t date Echo. She couldn’t give me a reason.” 

He doesn’t tell Miller about the airport. 

Miller doesn’t say anything, and then he nods slowly. He hums. 

After another beat he says, “Look, I get why you were asking. But you didn’t necessarily come out and tell her how you feel.” 

“Felt.” 

“I’m not here for your lies, Blake.” Miller checks his phone, probably getting a text from Murphy or Jackson, “Maybe she didn’t say anything because she was scared you didn’t feel the same.” 

Bellamy huffs, “Doubt it.” 

“You’re starting to act like the kids you teach. Can you do a career change?” 

“Ha. Funny.” 

“Seriously though. Maybe you should start actually expressing your feelings.” 

“I thought I had been!” 

Miller gives him a very unimpressed look, “I’m still wondering how you graduated top of our class. Good thing emotionally self aware was not a tested subject.” 

Bellamy slams on the breaks and smirks when Miller almost hits his head on the dash. 

“You’re going to fit right in with your new class.” 

They place Bellamy in the behavior lab, a class where all the kids who can’t handle the regular classroom come. Most of them have severe emotional and aggression problems.

Marcus Kane is the new principal, and Bellamy isn’t entirely sure how to act around his once-upon-a-time government teacher. 

“It can be a difficult class, but if you have a heart for the kids, you’ll do fine.” Marcus Kane pats his shoulder, “You’re going to do great here, Blake. I’m glad to have you on board.” 

A month after showing Miller the house, he closes on it, and he’s finally a home owner. 

“I wouldn’t necessarily call you a  _ home _ owner.” Murphy mutters, “It’s less of a home and more of an accident waiting to happen.” 

“With a little work, it’ll be good as new.” Harper says, elbowing Murphy in the stomach. 

“You can’t possibly live here. Where are you going to stay until it’s livable?” Monty and Jasper are standing the closest, peering into the windows and squealing when they see a bug crawling away. 

“I’ll keep staying at Ma’s until it’s finished.” 

“So, until we’re ninety?” 

“Murphy!” 

“What?!” 

Sundays are for Clarke. He’s usually fixing himself a cup of coffee when she facetimes him, and he grabs his cup of coffee and heads back to his room as he answers. 

His mom’s pains get worse. 

“Is it tension?” He asks one night. 

She shakes her head as she takes pain medicine the doctor prescribed, “It’s my bones, Bell. Not my muscles.” 

She coughs more, and grows more and more tired after her shifts at the hotel. 

Bellamy tries not to worry, but worrying is in his core. 

He finishes setting up his classroom a week before the students are scheduled to come. Aurora made him curtains for the one window he has. They’re blue and green, and very calming. Which is just what he needs for a class filled with students with anxiety and emotional disorders. 

He sets up a small reading and calming corner, filled with his favorite books from his childhood, a flipchart that helps them identify their emotions, and different calming techniques. He throws in a small beanbag to make it more inviting. 

He has four student desks and three tables, and he can have up to ten kids, which makes him worry about having to sit kids together at the tables. He tells himself he’ll worry about that when he gets that many kids, but he knows he’ll worry about it before then. 

He glances around his room. He knows it’s the most organized and clean it’ll be for the rest of the year. As soon as the kids come, it’ll never be the same. 

He looks at the time, packs up his things, and leaves. 

He parks his car right by the entrance of the building. His heart beats faster as he stares at the sign. 

_ Floudon Counseling Services  _

He sits in his car until the clock ticks to three o’clock. He takes a deep breath, tells himself there’s nothing to be anxious about, and gets out of the car. 

The first week of school, he only has one kid. Cody is on the shorter side for a fifth grader, but has enough anger to fill the planet. He thought Octavia was angry, but Octavia had nothing on this kid. 

Despite the anger, he still does his work. And as the weeks go by and Bellamy slowly gets more students, he starts seeing himself and his loved ones in the faces of all of his students. 

He sees Octavia in the one girl he has, the one with a sharp grin and fire in her eyes. The girl everyone has given up on because she brought a knife to school when she was 9, and was never able to redeem herself. 

He sees Murphy in the kid who isolates himself. Snarky comments dripping from his lips, and eyes as dull death. 

He sees Clarke in the kid who is too smart for his own good, who is artistic and never stops drawing, but was put in Bellamy’s class because teachers don’t know how to handle his ADHD. 

He sees himself in Troy, a boy who he was sure he wouldn’t be able to love, but weaseled his way into his heart regardless. Troy who has three younger siblings, a dad who is MIA ninety percent of the time, and a mom who has to work ungodly hours to provide for her kids. Troy who goes home and takes care of his little brother and sisters. Makes them dinner. Helps them with homework. Gets them washed and in bed before he can even think about doing any of that himself. The boy, who’s just that – a boy. Who only feels like he can be a kid in the safety of the school, so he acts out and makes dumb decisions that land him in Mr. Blake’s class. 

The first time he has to write a kid an office referral, he closes his classroom door after all the kids are safely on their buses and cries. He feels like he let these kids down. 

The first time he lost a kid to Alternative School, he thankfully has therapy that afternoon. 

Luna lets him talk about his kids, how much he loves them, and how he feels like he has failed them in more than one way. 

“Your guilt is misplaced, Bellamy,” Luna’s soft voice interrupts him. 

“How?” Bellamy’s reply is hard and sharp, “I’m their teacher. I’m supposed to be able to teach them better techniques than fighting. Help them get out of my class and into a regular classroom where they can have a regular childhood.” 

“Did you give your student alternatives to throwing the chair at the window?” 

“Yes.” 

“Did you give him the chair and say, ‘Here, do what you want’?” 

“No.” 

“Did you do everything in your power to de-escalate the situation?” 

“More than.” 

“Then your guilt is misplaced. You can’t control their decisions, Bellamy. You can only show them all the options they have, and hope they choose correctly.” 

After therapy, he goes to his house. Roan, the contractor he hired to help fix up the house, has a long way to go, but Bellamy walks through the house and imagines what it’ll feel like when it’s finally complete. When he has something whole and entirely his. 

He still has a lot of waiting to do, but he thinks it’s going to be worth it. 

Halloween comes, and thanks to a conversation with Clarke earlier in the month, he has his six students paint pumpkins. They take pictures and are shown on the screens in the hall. The kids feel like they’re super stars. 

He sends a picture of the pumpkins to Clarke, and when she sends a raving review of each, he shares them with his kids. 

They glow. 

Troy opens up more about his home life, how his dad is actually his step-dad. 

“My  _ real  _ dad got shot when I was seven.” 

Bellamy’s heart breaks in about a thousand different ways. 

It’s a week into November when Bellamy comes home to Aurora passed out in the kitchen. He rushes to her, sliding across the laminate floor in his school slacks. 

“Ma?” He sits her up, and she blinks. “ _ Ma! _ What happened? Mama, c’mon now.” 

His hands are clammy with fear, and he tries to calm his heart down. Tries to tell himself that everything is fine. 

_ But is it? _

She starts to move her hands, shoving his away from her face, “Bell? Bellamy, I’m fine.” 

He looks at her, almost appalled, “I’m taking you to the doctor.” 

She argues with him, but he doesn’t listen. He helps her up and leads her to his car. 

She tells the doctors about the pain in her back, her hips, and even her knees. She tells them that she doesn’t know why she passed out. Nothing else other than her back was hurting her that afternoon. 

They run tests. They take x-rays. All too soon, the doctors are sitting them down and showing x-rays of Aurora’s spine and hips. Black dots are covering every inch of them. 

Bellamy isn’t a doctor. He doesn’t know what those black dots are, but his gut drops and tells him it’s not anything good. 

The doctor levels with them, “Every dot you see here is cancer.” 

Bellamy’s world crashes down around him. He’s unable to hear whatever else the doctor says. He hears something about secondary and how they need to find the primary source, but nothing more than that. 

His brain shuts off, refusing to believe that his mom has cancer. His heart and body go numb, unable to accept this fact. 

Later, Aurora is in her hospital bed being poked and prodded by the nurses. Bellamy steps out and calls Clarke’s DR number, not caring about the international cost. 

She answers after the fifth ring. 

“Bellamy? What’s wrong?” 

He opens his mouth, but his throat closes up and no words are able to come out. 

“Bell? Are you there?” 

It’s getting harder to breathe, and he tries to focus on her voice. He manages to croak out, “Keep talking.” 

She knows him, and he knows she can hear the pain in his voice, hear the despair and the scared little boy that has resurfaced. And he thinks he loves her more than ever when she doesn’t ask him any questions. 

“I went to that waterfall we went to together earlier this week. It had just rained, so it was heavier than when you saw it. It was so loud, Bell. I didn’t see any wildlife, though. Except for the salamander, and you know how I feel about those. Last night I went to a basketball game. One of my friend’s dads is the coach, so we had really good seats. I thought about all the times I watched you play in high school. I don’t miss high school at all, but I really miss sitting on the bleachers with my dad and watching you play.” 

She keeps talking, and he lets her voice wash over him and calm the unspoken fears and the unknowns. She sounds tired, but her voice never waivers. She’s there for him even a thousand miles away. 

Eventually, her voice grows tired and the guilt of making her talk despite her exhaustion causes Bellamy to speak up. 

“I’m at the hospital.” His voice sounds stronger than he feels. 

There’s a pause. He hears her take a deep breath, “Are you okay?” 

_ No.  _

“Yeah, I’m fine.” He watches a nurse leave his mom’s room, “It’s my mom.” 

Three days later, two days after finding that the primary source is lung cancer, Bellamy is sitting in the chair by his mom’s hospital bed when Clarke walks in wearing his old high school basketball sweatshirt he thought he’d lost years ago and a look of pure determination that would intimidate even the bravest of souls. 

She doesn’t say hello, “I called my mom. She’s pulling all her connections. We’ll figure this out.” 

Bellamy doesn’t want to figure it out right now. He just wants to be able to breathe without the weight on his chest. 

Clarke must see that on his face, because she softens and goes to him. He is only able to relax once his arms are wrapped around Clarke, burying his face in her the crook of her neck. 

“We’ll figure this out, Bellamy. Together.” 

It’s a promise he’ll hold onto during this season. 

He goes to Octavia and Lincoln’s house to tell them. To tell her. 

Their house is nestled on the outskirts of town, bordering both Arkadia and Mecha. They have five acres, and a garden that Lincoln tends to religiously during the evenings after work. There’s a chicken coop, and if the garden is Lincoln’s place, the chickens are Octavia’s. She lets them out of their house every morning with the sun. She gives them fresh water, and knows all of their favorite treats. She even names them. Bellamy’s favorite is one named Salem, a black Plymouth Rock hen, who will jump on his shoulder and nuzzle his cheek for attention. The other chickens run away from him. 

Octavia wants a goat for milk, but Lincoln is somehow preventing her from buying one. Bellamy doesn’t have hope that it’ll last much longer. 

Their back porch is screened in to keep the mosquitos out, and that’s where they’re sitting when Bellamy tells them that they need to talk. 

Octavia is sitting across from him, a wooden table that Lincoln built out of scraps separating them. He takes a moment to take in his sister, and he’s surprised to see that all the anger that held her prisoner as a child and teenager seems to be gone. 

Still, Octavia was never known for her patience, “Bell, whatever it is you’re trying to protect me from, just say it. We don’t have forever.” 

Salem somehow made it into the porch, and she makes a perch on Bellamy’s lap. He runs his fingers over her feathers, letting the small action bring him some type of comfort. 

“Ma’s been in the hospital this week.” 

Octavia and Aurora never did have the best relationship. Bellamy never really understood it. What he understood was that Octavia was his responsibility whenever she refused to listen to their mom, which was more often than not. A part of Bellamy thinks that Octavia never forgave Aurora for shipping her off to live with Gran. 

_ Gran. I have to tell her, too.  _

“It turns out she has cancer. Bone and lung.” 

He watches as Octavia processes this, her mouth in a thin line and her eyes dark. 

Finally, she asks, “How long does she have?” 

“The doctor’s don’t see her living much more than a year.” 

She blinks – something slow and heavy – stands up, takes Salem from Bellamy, and let’s the bird back outside. “I’ll go see her tomorrow.” 

Lincoln, who had been standing in the corner the entire time, watches as Octavia leaves them to go sit amongst the hens. 

“Don’t worry. I’ll talk to her.” 

Bellamy calls his therapist as soon as he gets back in his car. 

Luna watches him. He knows she’s waiting for him to say something, but he won’t. 

She sighs, “Why do you feel like this situation is hopeless?” 

There’s a ball of clay on the shelf beside the couch where he sits during his therapy sessions. He knows it’s for the kids Luna sees, but he grabs it anyway. He bullies the clay into a square, and then looks at her again. 

“It’s cancer.” He says it like it’s the explanation to everything. 

“Plenty of people survive cancer, Bellamy.” 

Unadulterated anger surges through him. He can feel it crawling on his skin. He briefly wonders if this is how Octavia felt as a teenager. 

“Do you know why she has cancer?” He waits a beat, not really wanting her to answer his question. “Because she worked in a factory that used asbestos. You know what that is, right? She had to work at a factory when she was only fourteen years old for twelve years. She had to breathe in a dangerous mineral for twelve years, and now she’s fucking dying.” 

Luna leans forward, “And this makes you angry.” 

He wants to yell and scream at her, but he doesn’t. “Of course I am!” 

“Why’s that?” 

He doesn’t even have to think about it before the words come tumbling out of his mouth, “Because my mom is dying! She’s dying because of this godforsaken town that we live in. It’s a trap, making it impossible for people to leave, and it kills people with the poison that’s soaked in its roots.” 

She looks for something on his face, some emotion or thought, Bellamy isn’t sure. “You left.” 

“Did I? Or was that just some kind of sick tease?”

She gives him a flat look, “Bellamy.” 

“What? I’m serious. I went to school at Ark, sure. I went to college when most of the people in Mecha can’t, but I’m still here.” 

“Wasn’t that your choice? You had a job at Ark. You could’ve rented a house there. You  _ chose  _ to come back and work at Mecha.” 

“Well maybe I chose wrong!” He shouts. 

“Or maybe you’re here for a reason. To help this next generation have a better chance at life than the ones before it.” 

He’s at Clarke’s house. She’s staying with her mom until she finds a place for herself. He’s in her overstuffed chair with the blanket his mom crocheted her last Christmas. Clarke keeps watching him like she’s afraid he’s about to erupt. 

He would hate it if he didn’t understand. 

His phone buzzes, and a few seconds later hers does, too. It’s probably one of the many group chats that their friends still insist on having. 

He digs it out of his pocket and opens the message. It’s from Murphy. There’s a photo and Bellamy looks at that first. It’s a screenshot from a facebook page – a facebook page for Wells Jaha to become president in 2032. Most of the posts are from there time in middle and high school, but the latest is from Wells, announcing he's going to be running for Representative. 

**The Fam Bam **

_ Murphy: honk honk mother truckers. We have a politician on our hands.  _

_ Miller: I thought that page died.  _

_ Murphy: i think you got kicked out tbh  _

_ Jasper: there’s a FACEBOOK page for WELLS to be PRESIDENT?!  _

Bellamy echoes Jasper’s question to Clarke, “There’s a facebook page?” 

Clarke looks up, something half proud and half amused on her face, “Yeah, we made it in sixth grade as a joke. I kinda forgot about it until now.” 

_ Harper: What district is 101?  _

_ Jasper: Isn’t that Ark? _

_ Miller: Pretty sure it’s Mecha.  _

_ Murphy: What even is a district are we in the hunger games now?  _

_ Bellamy: District 101 is Mecha, Ark, and Polis.  _

_ Clarke: What Bell said.  _

_ Raven: Does this mean we have to vote for you, Jaha?  _

_ Emori: I dont think im even registered to vote  _

_ Harper: We had to register in government class our senior year of hs _

_ Miller: Kane was legit  _

_ Murphy: I am dating a HEATHEN how are you not REGISTERED  _

_ Emori: shut up and leave me alone.  _

_ Wells: I was not expecting that post to blow this groupchat up  _

_ Monty: The man of the hour!  _

_ Octavia: Guess i need to figure out how to become registered here since i live here now  _

_ Lincoln: when is the info meeting? I have questions  _

_ Octavia: of course u do  _

_ Wells: It’s this saturday at noon. Green’s cafe  _

_ Jasper: MONTY DID U KNOW  _

_ Monty: yah.  _

_ Jasper: betrayal.  _

Bellamy looks up at Clarke, “I went to therapy today.” 

She snorts, “I am aware.” 

“She said something that has me thinking.” 

She looks up then, “Yeah?” 

“She said that maybe we’re here to help the upcoming generation have a better chance at life than we did.” 

Clarke watches him, letting his words really sink in. “That’s a pretty powerful statement.” 

“It just has me thinking. Maybe we’re not doing enough.” 

“What are you thinking?” 

“I’m not sure yet, but as soon as I am, you’ll be the first to know.” 

  
  


The next day he doesn’t go to work on his house after school, instead choosing to go straight home. He had just gotten inside and fixed himself dinner when Clarke shows up. 

She’s wearing cut off overalls and is covered in paint, which is the usual for her these days. 

“I just put down an offer for the old Mecha fire station.” 

Bellamy chokes on the pasta he just reheated, “I’m sorry, what?” 

She makes herself at home and perches on top of the kitchen counter, “It’s for sale.” 

“Yeah, and? What are you going to do with it? Was this a spur of the moment decision?” 

She steals his bowl of pasta, and for half a moment he thinks about fighting her for it back. He ends up accepting defeat and making himself another bowl. 

“I’ve been eyeing it for a while. The trust that my dad left me was finally opened on my last birthday. So I have some money put aside that I don’t really need, and the sign business is really starting to grow.” 

While she figures out her life, she’s been painting signs for businesses around Ark and Mecha. Businesses, especially ones downtown, have been booking her left and right. 

While Bellamy waits for his food to heat up in the microwave, he asks, “And what are you going to do with a  _ fire station?  _ You’re an artist, Clarke.” 

She smiles, “Exactly. I’m going to make the first floor the business building for  _ Griffin Signs _ , and then I’m going to make the top floor my apartment. It’s a win-win!” 

He takes the bowl out of the microwave and takes a bite before he says anything. 

“So you’re about to be living your best  _ Princess Diaries  _ life?” 

Her smile grows, and he knows that she loves that he just referenced that movie. “Yeah, isn’t it great?” 

It’s December. Aurora is homebound with oxygen. Her bones are fragile, and all the doctors are advising her to stay in bed, but she refuses – just as stubborn as her two kids – and spends her days walking around the house. The nurse that stays with her while Bellamy is at work always following close behind so she doesn’t fall. 

Neither Clarke or Abby say anything, but he knows that his mom having to have a nurse stay with her isn’t a hopeful sign. 

Octavia is with her now. She doesn’t help a lot. Bellamy doesn’t think she’s able to handle it. Too many conflicting emotions about their mother for her to handle this with ease. But she tries, and that’s all Bell can ask of his sister. 

He finds refuge at the basketball courts he grew up on, and he just misses a three pointer he could’ve made in his sleep when he was in high school when Troy shows up on the courts. 

“What are you doing here, Mr. B?” 

His student lets the ball roll to his feet before picking it up. “I could ask you the same question. It’s late. You have school tomorrow.” 

Troy gives him a mischievous smirk, “So do you.” 

Bellamy huffs out a laugh, and his breath makes a little cloud in front of him. 

“That was a terrible shot by the way.” 

Bellamy grunts, “Yeah, I’m aware. Thanks.” 

Troy takes a shot, makes it, and throws the ball to Bellamy. “Wanna play a round of horse?” 

Bellamy thinks it over. It’s late and cold, and the boy should be at home in bed. But he knows that even if he turns him away, Troy still probably won’t go home. At least this way, Bellamy knows he’s safe. 

“On one condition.” 

Troy cocks an eyebrow, “What’s that?”

“Every shot I make, you have to answer a question truthfully.” 

The kid laughs, “Judging by that first shot, I won’t be answering too many questions.” 

Bellamy dribbles the ball, lines up the shot, and let’s the ball soar. It’s all net. Troy looks at him in disbelief, “You really are the worst.” 

“Thanks.” 

Troy runs to the ball and jogs to where Bellamy was standing, “Fine. A deal is a deal. What’s your question?” 

“Why aren’t you at home right now?” 

Troy smirks as he takes the shot with ease, “Because I don’t want to be.” 

“How come?”   
Troy shakes his head, “Nope. That’s a different question. Gotta make another shot to ask that one.” 

Troy takes another shot, one he seems to barely have to think about. 

“Have you played on a team before?” Bellamy asks as he chases after the ball. 

Troy shakes his head, but stops himself. “Hey! That was a question!” 

Bellamy laughs before setting up for the shot Troy just made. He’s a little surprised when he makes it, too. “Why don’t you want to be at home right now?” 

Troy deflates, as if he expected Bellamy to ask him a different question, and shrugs. Bellamy counts to thirty in his head, and as if he heard a buzzer go off, Troy answers, “Step dad is home. He got mad at me about a grade and kicked me out of the house.” 

Bellamy mentally goes through all the grades Troy has gotten this week. They’ve all been A’s. 

“You haven’t made any bad grades lately.” 

Troy shrugs, “It was that comprehension reading we did when I had that meltdown.” 

Bellamy remembers that day well. Troy struggles with english because he refuses to wear his glasses which makes it nearly impossible for him to see. Reading is a nightmare for the kid, and every time they have a reading assignment Bellamy knows he’s going to have to battle Troy to do his best. That day was one when Troy blindly marked answers without caring if it was right or wrong. He just wanted the assignment off his desk. 

“That was a  _ month  _ ago.” 

“He’s been off shore until last night, so…” the boy’s voice trails off, letting Bellamy fill in the rest himself. 

“Well,” He dribbles the ball and tosses it to his student, “You’ve been doing really well since then. I’m proud of you.” 

Troy lights up, and from then on, Bellamy doesn’t have to make a shot to ask a question. He barely has to ask questions at all. Troy becomes an open book. 

Troy heads to a friends house after a few rounds of horse, and when Bellamy can no longer see Troy walking down the dimly lit sidewalk, he heads to Clarke’s. 

She’s renovated the firehouse with much more ease than he’s having renovating the house he bought, and she’s upstairs in the apartment sitting in an overstuffed chair with a book in a lap and a cup of hot chocolate next to her. 

He uses the key she gave him to come in, and when she sees him, she smiles. 

“I figured out what I want to do.” 

She marks her spot in the book, “What’s that?” 

“I want to open up an after school program.” He goes and sits down on the coffee table in front of her and leans forward, “These kids have nowhere to go some nights. Whether it’s because of a broken and unstable homes or whatever, but they need somewhere they know is open for them and  _ safe.”  _

“Bell, that’s a great idea!” 

Throughout the holiday season, Bellamy stays busy. Which is good because he doesn’t have time to slow down and process everything that is happening in his life. Clarke, on the other hand, thinks he’s working himself to death. 

He’s sitting on a bench outside the fire station while Clarke paints  _ Griffin Signs  _ in big, red and white block letters over the brick. He has his laptop looking for buildings in Mecha that are either on sale or for rent that he could use for the after school program. He’s also making a list of everything that he needs to get done to make this happen, people he needs to talk to, banks and government officials. There’s also a stack of papers he needs to grade before school starts back up. 

There’s also his house. Roan has finished about half of it. Bellamy wanted to do the flooring himself, but Clarke and Miller sat him down and told him that just wasn’t realistic with everything else he has going on. 

They were right, of course. But that doesn’t mean Bellamy is happy about it. 

He has to meet with Roan soon to talk about cabinet designs. He doesn’t really want to. 

There’s a half eaten hamburger and cold fries sitting forgotten beside him. 

“Bellamy, when was the last time you had a full meal?” 

He doesn’t answer. Not because he is ignoring her, but because he can’t remember and refuses to admit it. 

“When was the last time you had a full night’s sleep?” 

Still he doesn’t answer. Clarke climbs down the ladder and sits next to him on the bench. 

“How’s your mom?” 

He looks up from his laptop, “She’s still on oxygen.” 

She rubs at a spot of paint on her knee before looking at him, “And?” 

“She seems out of it sometimes. She’ll be looking at me, and it almost seems like she doesn’t see me. I have to call her name a few times before she comes out of it.” 

“How are  _ you  _ doing?” 

He looks down – there’s a penny on the ground. He wonders if it’s lucky. He always forgets if it’s head or tales. 

He wonders if it’s enough luck for him. 

He doubts it is. 

“Have you talked to her about your idea for an after school program?” 

A cold breeze comes through, and Bellamy feels goosebumps spread across his arms. He’s starting to wish he wore something other than his old, thin flannel. 

“No. There hasn’t been any time.” 

Clarke gives him a look, something hesitant in her eyes. “You might want to make time, Bell.” 

He doesn’t respond, but he hears the warning in her tone. 

He brings it up to Aurora that next weekend. 

He’s finally grading the papers. He’s been trying to teach them about narratives, and only Troy and one other has gotten the hang of it down. The others, not so much. 

It pains him reading their writing. 

Aurora is in the recliner crocheting another blanket, and he idly wonders who she’s making it for this time. 

“Ma?”  
She looks up from her yarn and smiles, “Hm?” 

“I have this idea.” 

She motions for him to go on, and he watches his mom crochet effortlessly for a moment before elaborating. 

“I realized that a lot of these kids don’t have a safe place to go to once school is over. So I was thinking about starting an after school pro–” 

“Bell! That’s great!” She puts her yarn and hook down, and beams at him, “Tell me everything. What are you thinking? Where will it be?” 

He sets his papers on the coffee table and rests his elbows on his knees. Gran would tell him to sit up straight. Ma doesn’t blink an eye. 

“It’s going to take a while to find a building to rent or buy. Probably even longer to find the money for that, so I was thinking we’d start it off at the park. Just start off by having some fun activities for them to do, play ball with them, help them with homework, and provide food for those who need it.”

“Isn’t that friend of yours running for representative?” 

“Wells Jaha, yeah.” 

“You should get him to talk about it and post about it on his social media. It’ll get him a lot of support from Mecha, but it will also get you a lot of support from the people here  _ and  _ surrounding areas.” 

“You think?” 

“I know.” 

“Okay, yeah. I’ll talk to Wells about it tomorrow.” 

“Good.” She gives him a loaded look, “I’m proud of you, Bellamy.” 

He smiles and ducks his head at his mother’s praise. 

Wells thinks it’s a great idea, and almost as soon as he posts about it on facebook, twitter, and instagram everyone from Mecha to Polis to Sanctum are talking about it. 

It only makes Bellamy feel a little overwhelmed. 

He’s a week into the third nine weeks when he gets an ominous text from Murphy. 

**This is a Secret Group**

_ Murphy: guys. My boys. My boys and gal. i need your help.  _

_ Raven: i’m at work murphy. What could you possibly want? _

_ Miller: its not even 9 am yet.  _

Bellamy ignores the texts, but fifteen minutes later his phone vibrates three times in a row. Curiosity gets the best of him, and he slips his phone out to look. Just in time, too, because the group blows up after that. 

Murphy sent three pictures to the group. Pictures of engagement rings. 

_ Miller: are you proposing to all three of us? Idk how emori would feel about that.  _

_ Raven: is what happening what i think is happening  _

_ Bellamy: my kids are coming back from recess soon. We need to speed this up.  _

_ Murphy: i’m friends with idiots  _

_ Murphy: i’m proposing soon. But i need help picking the ring out.  _

_ Bellamy: I like the second one.  _

_ Miller: that’s great. you can buy that one when you finally propose to clarke. I like the first.  _

_ Raven: i’m with miller.  _

Bellamy sends an eyeroll emoji and then mutes the chat. 

John Murphy ends up buying the third ring, and calling all of his friends useless. Bellamy can’t really argue with him on that one. 

That same day, Bellamy has to go to his house to pick colors for his walls so Roan can finish painting. He stops by Aurora’s on his way to check on her. 

He’s about to open the front door when he swings open and he sees his mom there standing in her pajamas, a little crazy eyes, with the nurse behind her looking more frazzled than he’s ever seen her. 

He takes in the situation, the empty, dazed look on his mom’s face. 

“Ma? Where are you going?” 

She doesn’t look at him. He doesn’t think she can even see him, not really. 

“Gotta go. Work. Gotta go to the factory.” 

He glances at the nurse who just shrugs, “She’s been doing this all day. I had to block the door with the couch.” 

Bellamy’s heart drops. “Ma? Can you hear me? Mama?” 

Still there’s nothing in her eyes. He shouts then, “Mama!” 

She comes to, life back into her wide eyes, and when she sees Bellamy, she smiles. “Bell! What a lovely surprise.” 

He bends his knees just enough so he’s eye level with her, “What’re you doing, Ma?” 

She looks around and then glances down at herself, “I have no idea.” 

“Looks like you were headed out.” 

“Well I certainly can’t leave the house in my pajamas.” 

Bellamy laughs, but it sounds hollow to his ears, “Yeah, let’s not do that. Want to go get dressed? You can come with me to check on my house.” 

She smiles, “Yeah, that sounds like a great plan.” 

Once Aurora is in her room changing clothes, the nurse approaches Bellamy. 

“I think the cancer has spread to her brain, Mr. Blake.” 

Bellamy doesn’t know how many more times his heart can shatter before there’s nothing left to heal. 

“What does that mean?” 

She gives a small shrug, “Not sure. We can run more tests if you want.”

He shakes his head, “No. She wouldn’t want to spend her last days in a hospital. How much longer do you think? If it has spread…” 

“A month or so if you’re lucky. Days or weeks are more realistic.” 

His mom comes out then. She’s the skinniest he’s ever seen her, looking more bones than anything. 

His stomach twists, his heart drops, the talons squeeze his soul. 

He takes a deep breath – holds it all in for another day. 

“C’mon, Ma. Let’s go check out my house.” 

Once they get to the house, Aurora walks around – albeit slowly – with the color swatches and talks about what colors would work best where and why. 

She’s in her element, and Bellamy lets her run with it. 

In the end, they probably picked out more colors than he would have on his own, but he doesn’t think he would change it for the world. 

By the beginning of February, his house is finished. Aurora is the first to see it, and she cries as she walks through. 

They sit at the kitchen table – his sole piece of furniture at this point – and she pats his cheek. Her hand is dry and shaky. 

“You’re doing good, Bell. So good.” 

He wants to argue with her. Tell her he didn’t spend enough time with her when he was in school. He didn’t do enough to help Octavia. He’s not doing enough to help his kids. 

_ Misplaced guilt,  _ a voice tells him. 

He takes a breath, and tries to swallow it all down. 

Murphy officially proposes to Emori the day before Valentine’s Day. 

“I couldn’t do it  _ on  _ Valentine’s. That’s too cliche.” He tells them the following weekend at their engagement party. It’s more just a gathering of their friends with Miller trying to grill, but Murphy being too controlling and opinionated. 

“You’re doing it all wrong. The steaks are going to be dry– Oh, shit. Just let me do it. Move.” 

Miller squirts him with a water bottle and stalks off to the other end of the porch. 

Wells wins his election, and they all have a party to celebrate. Clarke glows with pride, and Bellamy is pretty sure he saw her wipe away a few tears. 

He doesn’t blame her. 

A few days later, Wells calls him. 

“I have a proposition for you. Want to meet at my place in an hour?” 

Bellamy has never been to Wells’ house. There’s never been much of a need, really. But when he pulls up and sees it, he smiles. It’s very much a Wells house. 

It’s a small town house with a small front porch. It has a porch swing and one plant – it looks like an aloe plant. 

Wells opens the door and ushers him in before Bellamy can even knock. 

It’s only once Bellamy is sitting at the table with a glass of water and has repeatedly assured Wells that  _ No, he doesn’t need a snack  _ that Wells starts the conversation. 

“So. The after school project.” 

It’s not a strong start, but Bellamy goes with it, “Yeah?” 

Bellamy watches as Wells fiddles with the napkin in front of him, having a silent conversation with himself before finally sitting up straighter and saying with the confidence that only a man who won the Representative election at only 23 has, “I know opening something like that can be expensive. You’re a teacher. You don’t have the funds. I do.” 

Something in Bellamy rears back at that. It’s true, all of it is, but that doesn’t mean he has to like it. 

“I’m not saying this as a way to take over your project. I’m not saying this to get a better name for myself – I already won the election. I’m saying this because I want our home to be the best place it can possibly be. I want these kids to have a better life, Bellamy.” 

Bellamy leans back in his chair, crosses his arms, and looks at Wells. 

Wells who Clarke trusts with her life. Wells who showed up to their college classes with coffee for Bellamy knowing he never had time to go by himself. Wells who he shared food with and had study sessions with and became friends with over the course of college. Wells who he loves and trusts. 

“What would this look like?” 

A smile breaks out on his friend’s face, and something relaxes in Bellamy. 

It’s going to be okay. 

Wells wants to do a soft “opening.” Which would be more of a barbeque at the park with things for the kids to do while the parents and guardians ask questions and get as much information as they want or need from Bellamy and Wells. 

Wells wants to do it soon, even if they might not be able to actually start the program soon. But the more word gets out, the more possible donations and support will come in. 

Bellamy doesn’t argue. 

They plan for two weeks straight – Wells coming over to his house, which Bellamy is slowly making feel like a home, and covering his table with notes and ideas. 

Bellamy goes there most days after school before going over and spending time with his mom. 

He doesn’t feel bad about it until she is admitted to the hospital, and then guilt swarms him. 

Clarke is with him almost immediately. 

“I can’t do this, Clarke.” 

Aurora is sleeping on her hospital bed, hooked up to machines left and right and looking less and less like the woman he knows as his mama. 

She holds his hand, “Yes, you can. You’re the strongest man I know, Bell.” 

He’s silent for a while and then, “I think I’m going to put the after school program on hold for a while.” He looks at Clarke, trying to gage her reaction. “I think I need to be here more for my mom.” 

Clarke nods, “I can’t tell you what to do or not to do in this situation. But I’ve got your back whatever you decide. Just tell me what you need.” 

Later, after Clarke has left and it’s just Bellamy and Aurora in the hospital room, his mom takes his hand in hers. 

“Don’t stop making our neighborhood better just because I’m sick, son.” Her voice is hoarse, and every word she says is like a cut to his soul. 

“But I need to be here with you, not planning something that might not even be successful.” 

“It  _ will  _ be successful, Bellamy Blake. Don’t you doubt that. And don’t you use me to stop working on this.” She gives his hands a weak squeeze, “My son was meant to change the world.” 

And so, he goes on planning with Wells. 

Bellamy spends his twenty-fifth birthday at the hospital with his mom. Clarke arrives that night with a cupcake and a smile that warms his heart. 

The weekend after his birthday, they have the soft opening at the park. 

All of his friends end up being a great help. Monty and Jasper donate sandwiches and chips from Green’s Cafe. Murphy convinces the bistro he works for to donate juices and waters. Lincoln offers to do yoga with whoever is interested, and Octavia says she’ll teach them all to be badasses – Bellamy advises her to refrain from using badass and instead tell them it’s self-defense. Clarke starts planning art projects they could do in the park, and Miller and his dad say that they’ll come by so the kids will become more comfortable around police. Harper, Raven, and Emori tell Bellamy to use them however he needs. 

Once again, he’s blown away by how lucky he is to have the friends he does. 

Him and Wells have a speech prepared, and it all goes smoothly enough. 

It’s mostly the neighborhood’s ma’s and grandma’s and aunties that come with their kids. They all ask questions that either Bellamy or Wells can answer. And when they ask when the program is going to start, they smile at each other and say, “As soon as possible.” 

The day Aurora dies, everyone is crowded in the room. Octavia and Lincoln are on the couch in front of the window. Bellamy is propped in the corner, eyes heavy and heart even heavier, and Clarke is perched beside the bed, running her fingers over his mom’s veins in her hands, and whispering soft encouraging words to her. Gran is sitting on the only chair left, head propped on her hand, dozing off and on. When she’s awake, she keeps a close eye on Bellamy. 

It unnerves him. 

It happens without much fanfare. One minute she’s there, the machines beeping and telling Bellamy that her heart is still fighting to stay alive, and the next the machine is telling everyone that she’s gone. 

Bellamy thinks that nurses rush in, but he can’t say for sure. Octavia is screeching, pushing through everyone to get to Aurora and collapsing on top of her. 

Bellamy stays where he is, watching with detachment as it all unfolds. But then he notices Lincoln and Gran struggling to calm Octavia down when Clarke comes and puts a hand on his arm. 

He strides towards his sister, picks her up like he used to when she was small and full of rage, and carries her out to the hall. She yells and screams and hits his chest with balled up fists. Demands that he lets her go, lets her go back to their mom. 

Soon the yelling and screaming and hitting turn into broken sobs, and she grips Bellamy’s chest and holds him close as the sobs wreck her body. 

Bellamy holds her tight, running his hands up and down her back like Ma used to do, and telling her that it’s all going to be okay. He takes his own sorrow and tears and puts them in a box and locks it tight. He doesn’t have time to deal with his own emotions right now. 

Gran comes out, and despite being old and smaller than both of her grandkids, she seems to be able to surround them both in a hug so full of love that it nearly breaks Bellamy. 

The funeral happens on a Saturday. It’s overcast and dreary, which is fitting because it was once Aurora’s favorite type of weather. 

Bellamy is surprised by the amount of people that fill up the church. Neighbors come from all of Mecha – people he thought had forgotten him had definitely not forgotten his mother. Her coworkers come, people from Arkadia come. The Griffins and the Jaha’s, and even Marcus Kane and his mom, the owner of Bellamy and Clarke’s favorite childhood cafe, come as well. 

Octavia shuts down, and Bellamy fears that the rage and anger from their childhood is seeping back into her bones, but she has Lincoln. And that comforts him more than he’d ever admit. 

Clarke stays with him throughout the entire ordeal. Standing by his side and being a constant in his ever-changing world. 

Aurora didn’t have the best insurance, which means there’s a lot of things that aren’t covered. But Abby Griffin steps up and offers to pay for what Bellamy can’t cover. He refuses the first and second time, but then Abby and Clarke sit him down and convince him that it’s not pity, it’s a gift. Abby had become friends with Aurora over the years of Clarke and Bellamy being Clarkeandbellamy. She knows this is what his mother would’ve wanted. 

He finally relents. 

His other friends are there for him, too. Bringing his family meals that will last at least the next two weeks. Soon he starts running out of room and has to store some of it at Lincoln and Octavia’s. Miller and Murphy help him go through his mom’s things – Octavia refusing to come near any of it. 

Harper and Monty come with a beautiful flower arrangement and boxes from Green’s Cafe to box up Aurora’s things. 

He takes the next Monday off of work, and when he comes back the next day, his kids give him a homemade card. 

During lunch Troy comes up and sits by him. 

“You once told me that we just have to take life one day at a time, and eventually we’ll get back to living and not surviving.” 

Bellamy knocks his shoulder against Troy’s and smiles at him. 

“You also told me it’s okay to be sad and to show it.” 

He huffs, “Did I? Sounds fake.” 

“Mr. Blake.” Troy looked very unimpressed. 

Bellamy laughs, “Go eat your lunch. I’m going to be alright eventually. Promise.” 

Troy gives him a skeptical look, but obeys. 

A week turns into two, turns into three. Clarke confronts him when a month passes. 

“You have to open the after school program.” 

“I don’t  _ have  _ to do anything.” 

“Stop sounding like a child.”

“Stop sounding like my mom.” 

“She’d want you to continue with this, Bellamy!” 

“You barely knew her. You don’t know what she’d want!” 

“That’s not fair, and you know it.” Hurt flashes in Clarke’s eyes, but it’s gone soon enough. “That would be like me telling you that you weren’t close enough to Jake to–” 

_ “Clarke!” _ Bellamy takes a deep breath, relaxes his hands that had been in fists, and tries his best to calm down. ”Look, I just can’t right now.” 

“It’s now or never, Bell.” She doesn’t give him the chance to have the last word, because after that, she’s gone. Leaving with a slam of the door, and her car peeling out of his driveway. 

A few months after that, the program, which he decided to call Aurora’s, opens.

Clarke paints a mural of her on one of the walls inside. When Bellamy sees it, all the tears and feelings of loss he had been harborings comes crashing out. 

This time, it’s Miller who catches him when he falls. He lets Bellamy blubber about all the feelings – both positive and negative – he felt when Aurora died, and then Miller shares how he felt when his own mother died when he was younger. 

It doesn’t necessarily make the feelings of either of them go away, but it helps Bellamy start to have closure. 

Wells comes to the “grand” opening of Aurora’s. 

It seems like the entire neighborhood shows up, especially all the grandmas and aunties and titis and pops. They cheer and clap when Wells cuts the ribbon, and Bellamy stands by his side as his people come inside, congratulating both of them, and seeing the program Bellamy has set up. 

More than one person comes up to tell him that Aurora would be proud. 

There are jumpy castles, face painting, hot dogs, and live music. Bellamy really can’t believe that it’s all real. That it’s happening, and that it’s his. 

Clarke sneaks up on him halfway through, snakes her arm around his waist and holds him close. “I’m proud of you, Bellamy Blake.” 

The first week it’s opened, it’s a lot on Bellamy. His body has to get used to getting up an hour earlier so that he can get to work at a time where he can leave as soon as the kids do, doing his best to get to the warehouse as they arrive. 

He doesn’t get home until long after the sun has set, and he’s usually too tired to make himself dinner. 

He gets too tired to prepare lunches, too. If it weren’t for the cafeteria, he probably wouldn’t eat. 

Clarke notices, and he thinks she might save him, too. 

Clarke and Lincoln – who have been tentative business partners since Griffin Signs had expanded to more than just painting business signs. It’s now offering party nights and pottery lessons and art lessons for kids – alternate closing the studio. Both of them making a habit to stop by with a home cooked meal for them on the days they don’t have to close. He shouldn’t be surprised, but he is touched. 

He  _ is  _ surprised that both of them decide to stay on the nights they stop by, talking with the kids, helping them with their homework, and taking them underneath their wings. 

Clarke gets close to one girl in particular, Charlotte. 

She starts mentoring her, though Bellamy doubts that either of them realize what’s going on. 

Clarke teaches her about art, talks to her about traveling and working in the Dominican Republic, and helps her with her homework. She even starts walking the girl home after Bellamy locks up the warehouse. 

He loves watching their relationship unfold. 

When Charlotte’s mother loses custody of her, and she’s shipped off to live with her dad four states over, Clarke’s heart shatters. 

So does Bellamy’s. 

Bellamy thinks that it’s once her heart starts to heal that she comes up with her next step. 

Months later, they’re both sprawled out on the beanbags Bellamy set up in the back corner of the warehouse. He meant for it to be a study area, but the kids do more talking than studying on the beanbags. 

It’s Friday, so neither have them have to be up too awfully early in the morning. Bellamy is taking the time to enjoy being able to breathe without a kid stepping on his shadow. 

“I think I want to start fostering.” 

If he had more energy, he’d lift his head to look at her. Instead, he just flops it over and looks at her from the awkward angle. 

“Yeah?” 

“I want to do something to help these kids, Bell. Not these specifically, though that too, but the ones that feel like they have no one else. We need to step up to protect them, to love them, Bell.” 

His heart swells, and with it he finds the energy to sit up. “You serious about this?” 

She sits up too, their knees nudging each other. “Yeah, I am.” She takes a breath, “Wells is our Representative. He’s pushing for a change in our education system, a change in Mecha. Octavia is teaching young girls how to protect themselves, giving them an outlet for their anger. You’re doing all of this,” She waves her arms above her head, motioning to the warehouse and beyond, “I need to be doing something, too.” 

The shoe drops with the thought  _ I love you, I love you, I love yo–  _

It almost feels like another anxiety attack, this thought that he’s still in love with the woman in front of him. He loved her as a teenager with her reckless abandon to be perfect. He loved her as a nineteen and twenty something year old, finding her way through the Dominican jungle. He loved her as she found her way back to who she was through her art and school. 

And now he loves her as she is now. A woman with a heart of gold who craves to protect and raise those who have no one else. 

Something squeezes at his heart, but it’s not the claws and talons from before. It’s something soothing and firm, demanding that he pays attention to this realization. 

He swallows it down for now. 

“It’s going to be hard.” 

She nods, lips in a thin line, “I know.” 

“You’ll get close to a lot of kids, and then have to watch them leave.” 

Another tight lipped nod, “I know.” 

“You’ll need to rely on other people to help you.” 

Her lips loosen into a smile, “I’m guessing that’s your way of saying you’ll be there for me?” 

He chuckles, “As if you even had to ask. You haven’t gotten rid of me yet, Princess. You’re stuck with me for the rest of your life.” 

Her smile widens even more, “I wouldn’t have it any other way.” 

The next day, they go to the farmer’s market together. Clarke is sniffing homemade candles when Bellamy sees Monty and Harper walking down the path between the tents – and they’re holding hands. 

Bellamy nudges Clarke, “Look at that.” 

Clarke looks up mid sniff, something soft on her features, “Yeah, aren’t they cute?” 

He nods, but then her casualness dawns on him. He looks at her – a little shocked and a little curious, “Wait, why aren’t you surprised by this?” 

Clarke eyes him carefully and puts the candle down, “You don’t know?” 

“Know what?” 

“They’re dating. Have been for the past three months.” 

“What do you mean they’ve been dating for three months?” 

“Uh,” Clarke laughs, “that that’s what they’ve been doing?” 

“How did I not know about this?!” 

“You’ve kind’ve had a lot on your plate, Bell.” 

Bellamy huffs, put off that he didn’t know two of his closest friends were dating. “But still. They’re my friends! I should’ve known.” 

Clarke pats his arm, “It’s okay. You know now. And you do know that Emori and Murphy are engaged, right?” 

“Shut up. I hate you.” He says it with a smile on his face. He drapes his arm over her shoulder and gives her a squeeze. 

She just laughs and leads them to the next booth. 

Later that night, she messages their friends. 

**The Fam Bam **

_ Clarke: Fun fact of the day, Bell didn’t know Monty and Harper were dating.  _

_ Murphy: he knows i’m getting married soon tho right?  _

_ Miller: not surprised. He barely noticed he was dating his own past girlfriends  _

_ Jasper: Poor soul.  _

_ Bellamy: is it too soon for me to play the My Mom Died card? _

_ Octavia: yes.  _

_ Monty: nah.  _

_ Harper: Murph have you and Emori even set a date yet?  _

_ Murphy: you know what? Mind ur own damn business.  _

_ Emori: no, but we’re working on it :)  _

  
  


He sits down on the couch in Luna’s office and holds a pillow close on his lap.

“I’m in love with my best friend.” 

Luna nods, “Is this a problem?” 

“Probably not, but it still scares me.” 

“Why’s that?” 

“I don’t want to lose her.” 

The year goes on, and before he knows it, it’s state testing time. He only has a few more weeks with his kids, and he plans on soaking up every second of it. 

He’s had most of these kids for two years. He’ll have a few for a third, but Troy is in eighth grade. In a few months, the boy will be leaving middle school and headed to the high school. Bellamy is proud of him, but his heart is already mourning Troy’s absence in his life. 

_ This isn’t the end of you and him,  _ a voice supplies. 

_ But it feels like it is,  _ Bellamy counters back. 

At recess, he goes out with them. Plays tag and races them. Runs up the slide and challenges them on the monkey bars. At P.E. he plays dodgeball, switching teams halfway through the games to help whoever is losing, and basketball with them – all of them against him – and he does his best to beat them because he was a star player once, and dammit he has pride. He sits with them at art and library, cuts up with them during music. The music teacher glaring at him halfway through the ukulele lesson. 

Field day comes, and leading up to it, he fights hard for his kids to be a part of it. He fights so hard it hurts, and finally Marcus sits him down and tell him there’s not a chance his kids can be a part of field day. 

“It’s not fair, Kane!” He shouts at the principal, “These kids have worked hard. Most of them make 100s on the behavior logs weekly! It’s not their fault that the system is broken and they can’t get out of the behavior class!” 

“Mr. Blake, that’s my final answer. I advise that you go back to your classroom and practice those breathing exercises that you teach your students.” 

He fumes longer than he’d like to admit, but then he gets an idea and emails all the activity teachers – the teachers that are in charge of field day – and asks them all a favor. 

On field day, after all the other grades had gone, he leads his class to the empty P.E. field where his kids can have their own private field day. It’s not as hectic and wild without the rest of their grade, but it’s something. 

The smile on their faces is the only payment Bellamy needs. 

Summer comes with a roaring heat and suffocating humidity and Bellamy walking his students to their buses one last time. 

He’s holding back tears when the last of them leave, and he’s about to turn to go back to his classroom alone when Troy comes running back to him. 

He’s hugging Bellamy before he knows what’s happening, “I’m going to miss you, Mr. B.” 

“I’m going to miss you, too, kiddo.” 

Troy lets go and looks up at Bellamy, “Am I going to see you again?” 

“We live in the same town. You come to Aurora’s all the time. I’m still going to go to your basketball games. Of course you’ll see me.” 

He smiles, relieved, “I’m just… I don’t think I can do this without you.”

“Do what?” 

Troy smiles, something mischievous and sarcastic and a little angry still hidden in it, “Life.” 

Before Bellamy can correct him, tell him that he most certainly can do life without him, the boy is gone. 

The first Saturday of summer break, Bellamy cries. 

He cries for his students that are moving on. 

He cries for his students that are going to alternative school because they didn’t transition out in time. 

He cries for Octavia being motherless. 

He cries for all the kids that come into Aurora’s looking for a safe place. 

He cries for himself 

He cries for his Ma. 

He cries. 

Throughout the entire summer, Troy comes to Aurora’s every day. Sometimes he brings his younger siblings. Those are the days Bellamy sees him for the tired caregiver he is. Other times, he comes alone, goofing off and being a pain in Bellamy’s ass. Sometimes he comes and sits on the couch, reading a comic he found on the shelves, and barely says a word. 

Bellamy loves all versions of the boy that come through his doors. He doesn’t think he’ll ever be able to stop loving the boy that cut down Bellamy’s walls and nestled a home against his heart. 

It takes Clarke six months to finish the paperwork and training to become a foster parent, but then she’s finally on the list. 

It feels like all of their lives are on hold as they wait, and wait, and  _ wait  _ for her to get a kid. 

The first kid she gets is a feisty five year old who’s ready to burn down the entire world with a look alone. The first week she’s with Clarke, she an angel. And then the honeymoon phase ends, and chaos and heartbreak ensues. 

She yells, throws books and toys against the walls of their apartment, takes scissors to Clarke’s couch, and tells Clarke she wants her to die. 

And yet, Clarke still loves her. 

They’re together for three months, and Bellamy is there for most of it. They go to the skating rink, they go to the park and have picnic lunches, they go to all the local mexican restaurant and the girl stuffs her face with chips and queso. 

When their time comes to an end, and the girl goes to live with her grandparents, Clarke keeps it together for two days. Then she’s at Bellamy’s door with a pint of ice cream and tear stains on her cheeks. 

He doesn’t ask any questions. He ushers her in, and they watch Disney movies until they both fall asleep. 

It’s May, and Bellamy is with her when she gets the call for the second kid. A twelve year old girl, both parents dead, no known relatives. 

Madi arrives two days later. 

There is no honeymoon phase with her. 

Clarke calls Bellamy in tears the second day she has Madi. 

“She keeps telling me I’m not her mom, that I don’t have a right to tell her what to do. She dumped the soup I made her in the toilet bowl, staring at me the entire time. I don’t know how to handle this one, Bell.” 

“Do you want me to come over?” 

“And do what? If she doesn’t respect me, she’s not going to respect you.” 

Bellamy feels helpless. He wants to fix this. He wants to be there for Clarke, “What do you need from me?” 

“A hug?” 

He laughs, “I’ll give you one as soon as I see you again.” 

Clarke huffs, and it makes Bellamy laugh again. 

There’s a pause and then she asks, “What’re you doing this weekend?” 

“Working on stuff at the warehouse.” 

“Mind if Madi and I come and join you?” 

The answer is easy and immediate, “Of course not, Princess.” 

Over the next month, Bellamy witnesses Madi and Clarke fall into their own groove. 

Another summer holiday comes, and now they have a kid to entertain. 

Clarke takes Madi with her to work a lot of the days, but there are mornings where Madi doesn’t want to go with her. On those days, the girl shows up at Aurora’s and helps Bellamy around the warehouse. 

Helping looks more like hanging out with the other kids that are there than helping Bellamy with any of the chores that need to be done.

He’s okay with that. 

When it comes time to register Madi for school, Clarke is clueless on what she needs to do. Bellamy, of course, swoops in and helps. 

Most of her classes end up being on his hall, and when he tells Clarke that, he can see her breathe out in relief. 

“You’ll keep an eye out on her then?” 

“She’s ours, isn’t she?” 

And that’s the thing. She was  _ theirs _ – the entire group’s. Of course Clarke was her foster mom, a role that none of the others can take up, but Monty and Harper become her uncle and aunt that come over with pastries for her to test eat and seeds for her to plant in Clarke’s – Bellamy’s – garden. 

Emori and Murphy take her on adventures in town, to all the best hang outs when they were kids, and to the best ice cream shop in the city. When Miller and Jackson hang out with her, they all act more like children than their actual ages. 

Madi is drawn to Octavia the most, which worries Bellamy. But Clarke doesn’t seem worried, so he does his best to let it go. 

Lincoln teaches her pottery and archery, and when Bellamy tells her that the school has a new archery program, she lights up like a Christmas tree. Octavia, though, teachers her all about self defense and boxing and rock climbing and Salem the Plymouth Rock Hen. It goes without saying that Madi is obsessed with the chicken. 

Madi’s first year goes by smoothly enough. There are a few times when her teachers call for a parent teacher meeting because of her grades – Clarke asks Bellamy to come with her to the first one, and then it’s just common knowledge that he’ll be there for all the others – but other than that, they didn’t have many problems. 

When school lets out in May, Clarke plans for them to go to the beach for a day to celebrate Madi and Clarke being together for a whole year. 

Bellamy is more than a little shocked when Madi asks him to come along, too. 

It takes them an hour to get to the beach. They eat breakfast at Bellamy’s, and Clarke packs them sandwiches and fruit salad for lunch. 

Once they get there, they spread out their towels, and Bellamy sets up the umbrella so Clarke can sit in the shade and not get burned. 

They throw the frisbee, and run into the water and jump the waves – waves crashing into them, the salt water cleansing the wounds that have yet to heal . 

By the end of the day, Madi’s nose and cheeks are pink and freckles are popping up on her shoulders and arms. 

They stop at a local restaurant for dinner – Bellamy’s treat – and then they go out for ice cream before heading home. 

It might be one of Bellamy’s favorite days.

Emori and Murphy finally decide on a date for their wedding. 

“It only took you guys over three years,” Bellamy teases. 

Emori shoves him. Murphy gives him the middle finger until he remembers Madi, and then he quickly tries to hide what he was doing. 

Madi laughs. 

Raven pulls Madi to her side in a hug, “So, when is the big day?” 

Emori and Murphy look at each other and smile before answering. 

“September fifteenth.” 

There are cheers and congratulations, and then Murphy walks up to Madi.

“Sorry for being vulgar in front of you. But I’m sure you’ve seen worse going to Mecha.” 

“Hey!” Octavia, Jasper, and Monty yell out. 

Murphy ignores them, “Wanted to ask if you’d want to do me a favor in the wedding. There’s this poem, and I’d really like it if you read it during the ceremony.” 

Madi squeals and hugs Murphy. “Of course!” 

In August, Madi starts seventh grade. She’s on a different hall than Bellamy this year, but he still sees her quite a bit. Still, whenever she pokes her head in during lunch, and asks if he’s busy, he knows something is up. 

“What do you need?” Bellamy is trying to get finished grading math tests so he doesn’t have to take them home, but he’ll always make time for Madi. 

Madi huffs and flings her hair over her shoulder, a move he’s seen Clarke do most of their lives. “Why do you think I need anything?” 

“You only ever come see me if you need something.” 

“That’s not true.” 

“Just last week you came to see me because you needed money for Snack Attack. The week before that you came to see me because you forgot to get Clarke to sign your permission slip for a field trip. And the time before _ that– _ ” 

“Okay! Okay, okay. I get it.” She comes in the rest of the way and sets her stuff down on his desk, “Maybe I just wanted to hang out with you today.” 

Bellamy eyes her skeptically, but doesn’t argue. “How’s your day going?” 

Madi shrugs. She takes her time roaming around his classroom before finally answering, “It’s alright.” 

“Just alright?” 

She nods, mindlessly looking through his books on his bookshelf. “What are you doing in an hour?” 

He checks the clock that hangs above his smart board, “Uh, I’ll be having class. Why, what’s up?” 

“Do you, like, need my help with anything?” She cuts her eyes, barely glancing at him. 

“Uh,” Bellamy tries to read her, but he can’t read her as well as others. He hates it. “I don’t think so, but you’re welcome to hangout in here if you need to. Isn’t that during your recess?” 

She nods and spins on her heel to look at him, “The thing is, Mr. Lightbourne gave me detention for talking and–” 

Bellamy holds up his hands, “Whoa, whoa. Hold up. Russell usually doesn’t just hand out detention slips. What else happened?” 

She looks sheepish when she mutters, “I might’ve talked back and called him stupid.” 

Bellamy blinks, “And why would you do that?” 

She shrugs, “He pissed me off.” 

He leans on his desk and thinks about how he should go on, “Do I need to go over anger management with you like I do my kids?” 

She shakes her head, suddenly finding her feet much more interesting than Bellamy. 

“Do we need to talk about how you shouldn’t try to use me to get out of detention?” 

She shakes her head again. 

“So you know that every action has a consequence, whether good or bad, and you have to accept those once you’ve made your choice?” 

She nods, “ _ Yes,  _ Bellamy. I get it. I messed up. I won’t try to use you again.” 

She starts grabbing her stuff to leave, but Bellamy reaches out to stop her, “Hey, look at me.” 

She does what he asks, albeit slowly and a little sheepishly. 

“You know I love you, right?” 

She smiles at that, “Yeah, Bell. I know.” 

He ends up calling her out of detention ten minutes into her recess. He reasons that he still put her to work cleaning out his desk drawers, and that was more than enough punishment. But judging from the smile she gave him as she left his room once the bell rang for her last class of the day, she didn’t necessarily view it as a punishment. 

He also gave her five dollars for Snack Attack. 

Madi rides with him to Aurora’s most afternoons after school unless Clarke and her have plans. That day was no different. But this time he calls Clarke as soon as they park and Madi runs off to unlock all the doors.

“Hello?” 

“So your daughter did something today.” He says as a greeting. 

“Oh, God. Do I even want to know?” 

“She got detention with Mr. Lightbourne–” 

“Figures. She hates him.” 

“–And tried to use me to get out of it.” 

Clarke lets out a little gasp, “No she didn’t!” 

Bellamy laughs, “It’s fine. We had a little talk about it, and I think she understands. I did end up spoiling her a little and called her out the last ten minutes.” 

Bellamy can practically feel Clarke roll her eyes at him, “You’re the most soft hearted person I know, Bell. How you get your students to respect and obey you, I have no idea.” 

“Through love and unwavering support.” 

He hears her take a deep breath, “Thanks for handling the situation with Madi. Do you think I need to talk to her, too?” 

“Up to you, Clarke. Personally, I think she knows what she did is wrong, and is more embarrassed about it than anything. But if you feel like you still need to confront her about it, you know I’ll have you back.” 

“You give that unconditional love and unwavering support to everyone?” 

“Just the people I love.” 

“Aren’t I special, then.” 

“Of course you are, Princess.” 

They hang up a few minutes later, and Madi appears with a furrowed brow. If she had a tail, it would be between her legs. 

“Was that Clarke?” 

He smiles, but tries to hide it. “Yeah, it was.” 

“Am I in trouble?” 

Bellamy rests his hands on his knees so he’s face to face with her, and gives her arm a comforting squeeze. “Maybe. What you did was wrong, and Clarke is going to have to address that in some way. She didn’t seem mad, though. I tried to soften the blow as much as I could.” 

She twists her fingers around each other, “Are you mad at me?” 

His heart lurches, “Of course not, Madi. I’ll tell you what I tell my kids – I forgive you almost instantly. I don’t hold grudges against my kids. But that doesn’t mean you won’t have consequences. You’re forgiven, Madi. You’ll always have my forgiveness.” 

She seems lighter after that, and she squeezes him tight around the neck before running off to play with the other kids who have shown up. 

A month passes by before the next Big Incident happens that involves Madi. 

A tropical storm is brewing in the gulf, and everyone is saying it’ll be a category 4 hurricane by the time it lands. There’s a lot of debate over where exactly it’ll make landfall, but most people seem to agree that Mecha and Arkadia will be in the path. The news and anticipation just make his kids act more wild than usual. 

Him and Madi arrive to school early so he could get ready for the district tests. Madi ran off to annoy whoever is in the office, and Bellamy has his classroom to himself. 

It’s not long before Mr. Santiago sticks his head around Bellamy’s door. 

“When were you going to tell us you and Clarke were dating?” 

Bellamy chokes on his coffee and stares at his coworker with wide eyes, “I’m sorry –  _ what? _ ” 

Gabriel comes the rest of the way in, looking a little confused. “You and Clarke. Aren’t you two dating?” 

“Uh, no.” 

“Oh. Well. It’s just that Madi called you her dad, and that her and Clarke were probably going to stay with you during the storm, so I just thought…” 

“Madi… What?” Bellamy takes a breath and tries to sort through all the thoughts flying through his head right now. “I’m not her dad. Clarke and I are just really good friends.” 

Gabriel doesn’t look convinced. 

Bellamy doesn’t feel convinced. 

“Oh, well, you should probably tell Madi that.” 

Bellamy nods, “Yeah, I’ll do that.” 

Bellamy doesn’t do that. 

He does, however, call Miller. 

“I don’t see the problem here, man.” 

It’s Friday, and close to midnight. Bellamy is locking up the warehouse and Miller is on a night shift. 

“This kid, who is still developing, thinks of me as her dad. How do you not see the problem?” 

“You saw Jake as your dad figure.” 

“ _ Figure _ being the key word. I knew there was no way he could ever take up that role properly.” 

He hears Miller open a drink – probably a five hour energy. Clarke would be lecturing them both if she knew. 

“Listen, I get that. But Madi has no one. Had no one. Now she suddenly has all these people that love and care about her. She’s trying her best to fit them into roles of the normal family. Harper as the aunt she’d go to for advice, Murphy the weird uncle she wants to stay away from, me the favorite, and you… the dad. She’s just trying to make sense of it all.” 

“You don’t think it’s weird?” 

“Nah.” 

Bellamy tries to let that comfort him. And it does. For a time. 

By morning, the tropical storm is a hurricane. 

The news of the hurricane brewing in the gulf traveled quickly. Bellamy could see the people of Mecha panicking. They’ve had other hurricanes since the one when he was in high school, but they were small and usually died out before they got farther inland. This one is big, though, the hurricane watchers on the news even seem concerned. It’s already a Cat 3. 

It’s supposed to make landfall the day of Murphy and Emori’s wedding. 

His coworkers and neighbors were frantically filling their cars up with gas – each gas station Bellamy passed had cars lined up all the way to the roads – buying water and food that won’t spoil if the power goes outl. They had learned from their past. Sometimes hurricanes aren’t forgiving. 

He keeps Aurora’s place open as long as he can. Some of the volunteers staying there while he goes around helping his friends board up their windows and placing sandbags around their doors. 

He goes to Clarke and Madi’s first. He sees them outside, unloading sandbags, and he parks on the side of the street. 

“You guys need help?” 

Madi beams when she sees him, and looks torn between dropping the sandbag to come see him and doing what Clarke told her to do. He’s pleased when she does as she’s told before coming to hug him. 

Clarke doesn’t waste any time, she goes back for more sandbags, “Have you finished boarding up the warehouse?” 

Bellamy shakes his head, “Figured I’d come help you before I do that.” 

He goes and grabs four sandbags and follows Clarke. 

“Don’t worry about us, Bell.” She huffs as she drops the bags. 

He gives her a look, “You know I can’t do that.” 

That makes her laugh, and the tightness in his chest loosens. He smiles at her. 

She grabs two of the bags he has and places them on top of the two she had just dropped. 

“Go take care of Aurora’s. We’ll come help when we finish here. We shouldn’t be much longer.” 

She takes the last two bags, and then hugs him. Bellamy holds her a little tighter than usual. Hurricanes bring up uncomfortable memories for both of them. 

He’s getting back in his car when Clarke yells for him again. He peers over the hood. 

“Can you believe Murphy and Emori are still having their wedding?” 

He laughs, and a gust of wind blows it away, “Yeah. Yeah, I can.” 

When he gets back to the warehouse, he sees a familiar body nailing boards to the windows. He parks haphazardly, not caring if he’s sticking too far out. 

“Troy!” He calls as he slides out of the car, “What are you doing here?” 

Troy jumps off the ladder and spins around to look at Bellamy, a grin plastered on his face. “I came by to grab some bottles of water for my family, and I noticed you hadn’t boarded anything up. Figured I might as well help you out.” 

Bellamy walks up to him and takes the hammer from his hands, “Well, since you’re already here, let’s put you to work.” 

“You always put me to work.” He’s still smiling, though. 

“It builds character.” 

“Yeah, yeah. That’s what you say every time.” 

With his help, and a few others that stopped to help when they saw them working, they have the warehouse boarded up as best they can. He has a trailer full of sandbags, but he’s letting his kids take them home if they live in a flood zone. If he has any left over, he’ll use them for the warehouse. 

Kids start stopping by that afternoon. They hang out inside for a while, asking Bellamy and others their experience with hurricanes. Bellamy doesn’t tell them his memories from the one when he was in high school, the one when Jake died. But he tells them of the softer, more gentler ones. They’re already scared. He doesn’t want them to be terrified. 

As they leave, Bellamy makes them all take a case of water and tells them to come back if they need anything at all. 

When the last kid and volunteer leaves, he packs up the extra water and sandbags in his car and drives around the neighborhood, stopping at the houses of his kids who didn’t show up today and giving them whatever they need. The relief on their guardian’s faces is all the payment he needs. 

An elderly lady who he has seen around since he was in diapers takes the last case of water and pats Bellamy’s cheek, “You’re doing this neighborhood good, Blake.” 

He takes that compliment and holds it close to his heart. 

When he gets back to the warehouse, Clarke and Madi are there placing sandbags by the back entrance. 

“Where’d you get those?” 

“Had some left over and figured you had given all of yours away. Was I right?” Clarke peers into the back of his SUV and sighs when she only sees two left. “Jesus, Bellamy. You don’t have to take care of everyone, you know that right?” 

He shrugs, not concerned in the slightest, “If I don’t who will?” 

“Someone will always step up.” 

“Right. And now that person is me.” 

Clarke watches him, but doesn’t say anything more. Madi gives him a smile, but she’s tired. He can see it in how her smile doesn’t reach her eyes. 

“Go on inside, kid. There’s some leftover pizza in the fridge.” 

He runs his hands through her hair, and it’s all tangled. He’s tempted to sit her down and braid it for her, like he used to do for Octavia. But there’s work to be done. 

Madi nods, gives a little huff, and disappears inside. 

“She’s worked hard today.” Clarke offers after a moment of them working in silence. 

Bellamy nods, “She’s a good kid.” 

There’s another pause and then, “Anymore news on the adoption going forward?” 

Clarke talked to Madi about possibly adopting her over the summer. She didn’t want to get her hopes up, but she also didn’t want to start the process without knowing how Madi felt. 

Bellamy wasn’t surprised at all to hear that Madi was more than okay with Clarke adopting her. 

Clarke shakes her head, “No, but apparently it can be a long process. I’m not too worried right now.” 

They work the rest of the time in silence, sharing looks that say more than words can say, and it’s comfortable. Easy and warm, despite the winds coming in stronger and stronger. 

When they finish, they go inside to check on Madi, only to find her asleep on one of the couches. Bellamy lifts her up – she wakes up only long enough to wrap her arms around his neck – and carries her to Clarke’s car. 

“I’ll see you tomorrow for the wedding?” 

Clarke makes sure Madi is buckled in before answering, “Yeah, bright and early.” 

“Want me to pick you guys up?” 

“Nah, we have to be there early since Madi is in the wedding party.” 

Bellamy nods, shoves his hands in his pockets. He tries to fight back a yawn, but it’s been a long day, and it comes through anyway. 

Clarke gives his arm a squeeze, “Go home, Bell.  _ Sleep. _ ” 

Bellamy does just that. 

He still feels groggy when he gets to the venue where his friends are getting married, but he has a coffee in his hands and Monty shows him the coffee bar almost as soon as he arrives. 

Everyone was running around doing last minute decorations and setting up. He even saw Emori dash out of her changing room and run outside in her wedding dress to set something up before Harper came running out after her, demanding that she go back inside and let everyone else worry about it. 

When Bellamy finds Murphy, he’s lounging in the groom’s room with Miller and Monty. There are shot glasses on the table, but they seem to be untouched. So far. 

“It’s about time you got here, old man.” Murphy grouches from his seat. “We’ve been waiting all morning for you so we could take a group shot.” 

Bellamy eyes the shot glasses and the bottle of whisky next to it wearily, “Are we sure this is the best thing to do before your wedding ceremony?” 

“Of course it isn’t,” Murphy waves off Bell’s concern. “But we’re doing it anyway.” 

The ceremony goes without a hitch. He sits in between Clarke and Madi, Clarke looping her arm through his, and Madi squeezing his hand. Her hand is sweaty, and he thinks it’s because she’s nervous about standing in front of everyone and reading the poem Murphy had picked out. 

When it comes time for her to go up, he gives her hand a reassuring squeeze. Her voice shakes at first, but as she goes on, it becomes stronger. Bellamy thinks he might be more proud of her than he has any right to be. He glances over at Clarke, and she looks just as proud as he feels. 

The ceremony was outside, which was a risky choice given the hurricane situation. But by some God-given miracle, the rain holds off until all the guests are making their way inside. Then, as if a switch was flipped, the skies open up. Bellamy and Miller get soaked as they rush about grabbing everything that would be ruined in the downpour. 

By the time he gets inside, his shirt is glued to his skin it’s so wet. He catches Clarke staring at him, and he smirks, “Like what you see, Griffin?” 

She blushes, “I’m more worried you’re going to catch your death.” 

“I’ve been chasing it for years. It’s a stubborn little devil.” 

She smiles and shakes her head. “Why do I even put up with you, Blake?” 

He shrugs, ”You love me.” 

Something flashes in her eyes, too quick for him to catch, “Yeah, I do.” 

It’s so soft, he nearly misses it. 

He stays for Murphy and Emori’s first dance, and then he disappears to the groom’s room to do his best to dry off. He looks for a spare shirt, and finds one of Miller’s undershirts. He pats himself dry as much as possible, shuffles the towel through his hair – making it more unruly than usual – and goes back out to join the party. 

The shirt is tighter than he usually likes, but it’s dry. 

Clarke catches him first, and pulls him out onto the dance floor despite his protests. 

Their group of friends dance in a circle, with Madi in the middle laughing and dancing the entire time. 

When a slow song starts, he doesn’t complain when Clarke leads them away from everyone else and rests her head against his shoulder, swaying to the music. 

He tries not to listen to the lyrics and how much they make his heart swell with thoughts of her. 

He doesn’t try hard enough. 

He’s more than thankful when Madi skips up to them, and says with all the confidence a thirteen year old can muster, “It’s my turn, Clarke.” And shoos her away. 

Clarke laughs, and let’s her daughter squeeze between them before turning and going to join Raven at the breakfast bar. 

Madi stands on Bellamy’s feet while they dance, and he doesn’t think there’s anything in his life that he would change in this moment. 

The wind starts to pick up and more clouds start to move in as soon as Murphy and Emori get in their car to leave for their honeymoon. 

Bellamy checks his phone for updates on the hurricane, and is relieved to see that it still hasn’t made landfall yet. The rain is just from the first few rings. They still have time. Just like the one before, it seems stuck right before the coastline, gaining energy and strength. 

Everyone cleans up as quickly as possible – Clarke yelling directions to all who will listen as she runs back and forth to her car loading it up with decorations. Bellamy directs the people outside, telling them which chairs to stack up and where they go, which items go in people’s cars, and which items stay at the venue. 

It starts drizzling again, but soon everything is cleaned up and they all head to their cars with calls of goodlucks and see ya laters. 

He runs to Clarke’s car with her, using his jacket as an umbrella for the two of them while Madi skips ahead of them without a care in the world. 

_ I love them,  _ He thinks to himself. 

It starts raining harder, and they speed up. Bellamy gets them in the car, and then stands there in the rain. 

Clarke is looking up at him, something written on her face that he can’t quite read. Something familiar, but unplaceable. 

“You two going to be okay driving in the rain?” He has to speak louder because of the rain, and there’s water dripping down his nose. 

She nods, coming out of whatever trance she was in, “Yeah, we’ll be fine.” 

“Y’all going to my place, right?” 

She nods again, “We’re stopping by the firehouse first because we left our clothes over there this morning, but we’ll be there.” 

“Alright. Be careful. Love you guys.” He shuts her door and jogs to his own car a few spaces away. Every part of him is soaked. 

Bellamy gets home and cleans up his house a little. He has since bought plenty of furniture, even bedroom furniture for the guest room – where Madi and Clarke will be sleeping. He does one more walk through, making sure everything is clean for them, double checking windows and doors, and praying that this house and this town will survive the night and days to follow. 

He starts to worry when they still aren’t there an hour later, but right when he picks up his phone to call them, he spots Clarke’s car pulling up beside his. 

The power goes out before sunset. 

It’s going to be a long night. 

They set up candles and flashlights, and the three of them play a game of Clue before Madi goes off to bed. 

Clarke and Bellamy are on the couch. She’s fiddling with his fingers while they listen to the wind howl outside. 

They hear a tree branch crack, and then hit the roof. 

Bellamy says another silent prayer, and Clarke stiffens beside him. 

After a moment, Clarke whispers, “Remember the last time we were like this?” 

“What was it? Nine – ten years ago?” 

“Ten years ago.” 

Of course she knows. It’s when her dad died. 

“You okay?” 

She nods, but there’s no truth behind it. 

Bellamy disentangles their fingers and wraps his arm around her, pulling her close. He kisses the top of her hair, and she sighs. 

The three of them end up all sleeping downstairs on pallets since they are under a tornado watch until tomorrow evening. 

Madi sleeps between the two of them, snoring lightly while Clarke and Bellamy watch each other and wait for the sun to rise. 

A day passes, and the rain continues. They still don’t have power. 

He manages to get through to Miller, who tells him that the police station has extra generators. 

Clarke doesn’t want him to go, and it takes him a minute to remember that this is how Jake died. 

“I’m not going to Alie Drive, Clarke. I’m just going to the station. I’ll be okay.” 

She crosses her arms and glares. 

Bellamy won’t let her win this fight. They need power.  _ Madi  _ needs power. 

He gives Clarke one last pleading look before getting in his car and leaving. It takes him most of the morning, weaving in and out of fallen trees, going down one road only to have to turn around and find another because the road was blocked by a tree or was washed away by the flooding or cars and trailers that were picked up from the tornado are smashed down around the road. 

But he gets it, and he finally gets home. 

Clarke hugs him as soon as he walks through the door, muttering into his neck that she can’t lose him too. 

Bellamy holds her tight. 

That night, they all sleep on the floor again. 

He overhears Madi asking Clarke why she didn’t want Bellamy to go. He listens with a broken heart as Clarke recalls her father’s death. 

Finally, it’s calm enough for them to start cleaning up after the storm. 

Bellamy is outside clearing out all the fallen limbs, trees, and debris from the hurricane. Clarke has gone to check on the firehouse, and Madi said she was going to help Bellamy. She’s doing more climbing in the trees than anything. 

Troy lives two roads down from him, so he isn’t surprised when he wanders into Bellamy’s yard. 

“Yo, Mr. Blake! You survived the end of the world.” 

Troy is almost Bellamy’s height. Soon he’ll be taller. When Bellamy first taught him, the boy came up to his chest. 

“It was hardly the end of the world, Troy.” 

Troy helps Bellamy move the limb he was dragging to the road for pick up. 

“Sure did look it when it first started. It was eerie, Mr. B!” 

Bellamy chuckles, “Yeah, it was a little eerie.” 

They make it to the road, and Bellamy looks his old student over, “You guys handled it okay?” 

The teenager nods, “Oh, yeah. Ma is really grateful for the water and bread. She didn’t have time to get any of either with work and everything.” 

Bellamy grips Troy’s shoulder and gives it a friendly squeeze, “Anytime, just ask.” 

Madi jumps down from the old oak she was climbing, and lands right in front of the two of them. 

“Who is this?” She eyes Troy up and down. 

Bellamy does his best to hide a smile, “This is Troy. He’s one of my old students. You’ve come with me to watch a few of his basketball games before.” 

Madi nods, piecing it all together. 

Troy looks at him, half amused and half appalled, “You never told me you had a daughter.” 

Bellamy doesn’t have time to correct him because Madi jumps in with her name and reaches her hand out to shake Troy’s. It’s probably a good thing. Bellamy still has a hard time finding the right words to describe what Madi is to him. He wonders if she has the same problem. 

If what Gabriel told him was true, she doesn’t. 

Troy looks over at Bellamy with a look he can read as well as he could a year ago. The kid is about to ask him for something. 

“I’m about to go down to the creek. Can Madi come, too?” 

Madi looks at him, too, a plea written all over her wide eyes, “Please, Bell?” 

Bellamy waves them off, and in no time they’re both running to the sidewalk. Madi is about halfway down the road before she turns back and runs to him. 

Bellamy looks her over for any sign of trouble or injury, “What’s wrong?” 

She wraps her arms around his waist and squeezes him tight, “Nothing. Just wanted to say thanks.” 

Bellamy’s heart swells, “I didn’t do anything to warrant a thanks.” 

Madi just shrugs, gives him another squeeze, and then she’s off again. Troy waiting for her down the road. 

Madi is still gone when Clarke gets back, but her and Troy stopped by to assure Bellamy they were both fine, before going off again to see how the hurricane affected the rest of the town. 

Clarke and him are both on his couch. Clarke is reading a local magazine and Bellamy is trying to finish a sudoku problem. He’s not having much luck. He blames being exhausted from all the clean up he did this afternoon. He gets even more tired thinking about what all else he and the town still need to do to get it back up and running. 

His brain trails off, and he thinks back to what Gabriel said to him again and decides to tell Clarke. 

“Madi called me her dad to one of my coworkers the other day.” 

Clarke barely looks up from her magazine, “Yeah, she does that sometimes.” 

She says it so casually, like it’s a simple fact, but the statement throws Bellamy for a loop. 

“She what?” Bellamy manages to choke out. 

Clarke looks up at him then, “Yeah, is that okay? I can talk to her about it if you want…” 

Bellamy shakes his head, “No, no. I just– I didn’t know.” 

Clarke shrugs and looks back at the magazine, “It’s been going on for a while now.” 

He wants to ask how long a while is. He wants to ask why she’s okay with this. He has so much to say. 

“But I’m not her dad, Clarke. Shouldn’t we address that?” 

Clarke closes the magazine with a sigh, almost like she doesn’t want to have this conversation right now. “Does it do any harm if she views you as one?” 

Bellamy straightens up on the couch and turns to look at her full on, “Yes!” 

Clarke makes a face, and Bellamy thinks she would’ve rolled her eyes at him if they were still kids. 

“It’s not Madi’s fault she views you as her dad. You’re over at our place all the time. You go to her soccer games. You call her out on her b.s. like when she tried to use you to get out of detention. Heck, you even went to her parent teacher conference with me. How else would she view you?” 

He doesn’t have a rebuttal for that. All of it is true. 

“I could stop.” 

_ No you couldn’t.  _

Clarke gives him an unimpressed look, “Do you  _ want  _ to stop?” 

“What?” 

She stands up, and he follows her. They’re facing each other when she reaches out to take his hand, “Do you want to stop having that role in her life?” 

“I–” His voice and his heart stutter simultaneously. “I don’t know.” 

Clarke watches him expectantly, so he goes on. “Isn’t it dangerous for her to view me that way? I’m not her dad, and I don’t want her to get attached just for you to go find someone else to be that person for her – and to be what you need him to be, too.” 

He watches curiously as Clarke takes a deep breath, “You could be that person for both of us.” 

Bellamy’s heart plummets to his stomach, and he wonders how long it can stay there before the acid destroys it. 

She squeezes his hands, “Bell?” 

He doesn’t think his voice works anymore. He swallows, and it’s almost painful. 

“Clarke…” He squeezes his eyes shut, trying to find his center, “Where is this coming from?” 

Clarke let’s go of his hand and takes a step back. 

“Bellamy. Do you love me?” 

He feels his face contort into confusion, “Of course I do. You know that, Clarke.” 

She tilts her head, her hair falling off her shoulder causing the sun to reflect on it. 

“Are you  _ in  _ love with me?” 

He freezes. His heart stops. He doesn’t think he can breathe. He chokes out her name, “Clarke.” 

“Just once, Bell, just once I want you to be able to tell me how you feel. How you  _ really _ feel.” 

She looks as broken as he feels inside. 

“Clarke, you know…” He trails off. What does she know? 

“You’ve never once been honest about it.” 

At that, something snaps in him. He thinks it might be something in his heart. His voice is flat when he says, “Neither have you.” And then louder – harder – he says, “The only time we’ve ever been honest about our feelings were when we were kids in the D.R.” 

“How do you expect me to be honest when you aren’t?” 

“The same could be said to you!” He shouts back, his heart is no longer frozen. It’s beating frantically against his chest. Pounding to get out. Begging him to run from this. 

She doesn’t say anything, just stares at him. Daring him to make a declaration of love that is worthy of her. 

“I can be honest with myself. But knowing the truth myself and speaking it into existence are two completely different things.” His voice is soft now, his broken heart leaking into his vocal cords. 

He spreads his arms out, motioning to his house, his street, his town. Mecha. 

“Boys weren’t allowed to feel here. No one was allowed to be soft and let their emotions – no matter how strong and wild they were – run free unless it was anger and resentment.” 

_ I’m scared.  _ The words almost slip out, but he presses his lips together, refusing to let them come alive. 

Clarke fidgets with the loose button on her – his – flannel and says, “You’re not a kid anymore, Bellamy. You’re a grown man, and you need to learn how to come to terms with that.” 

Bellamy clenches his jaw and runs his hand through his hair. He spins around, placing his back to her, and stares out his window. 

It used to bring him peace. It doesn’t tonight. 

“You were able to be honest and open with Gina and Echo.” 

She says it like it is a betrayal. Maybe it is, but not to her. To them. 

He squeezes his eyes shut and takes a deep breath. Slowly, he turns around. 

“They were different. I loved them differently than I ever loved you. They were a detour to the path I was supposed to be on.” 

She looks at him expectantly, the brokenness still plain as day in her eyes. Her cheeks flushed and her fingers twisting together. 

_ It’s now or never.  _

A part of him wants it to be never. 

He takes a deep breath, steadies himself, and takes a step into her space. Their breath mingling together. 

“I have never loved another soul the way I love yours, and it scares the hell out of me, Princess.” 

He takes her hands in his, untangles her fingers, and smooths them out. He tilts his head down, and his next words are barely a whisper. “It scares the hell out of me because you are my family. If we screw this up – if we screw  _ us _ up – I don’t know how I will be able to handle life.” 

He sees her forming an argument, lips parted and eyes determined. He doesn’t want to hear it. He steps further into her space, cups her face in his hands,

He kisses her, and Clarke lets out a gasp. 

He can’t believe it took him fourteen years to do this. 

When he pulls away, he rests his forehead against hers. His eyes are closed when he hears her whisper, “I am so in love with you, Bellamy Blake.” 

Something in him gives way, and his soul relaxes. He leans back in and kisses her forehead, then holds her close again. 

“You’re it for me. There is no one else, Clarke.” He runs his fingers through her hair, trying to take in this moment for years down the road, “Even if there was, I’m choosing you.” 

She wraps her arms around his waist, pulling him as close as she can, “How could you possibly think it would be any different for me?” 

When he looks at her again, there are tears swelling in her eyes. He kisses one, then the other. 

Clarke laughs. It’s watery and soft. “What now.” 

He shrugs, “We enjoy tonight, and figure the rest of it out later.” 

That night, after Madi falls asleep in the guest bed, Clarke slips into bed with him. 

They’re tangled in with each other, and he’s tracing shapes on the small of her back when she admits to the soft darkness of his room, “I think I fell in love with you during that first hurricane, and… And everything that happened afterwards.” 

Bellamy heart soars, “Miller told me I was stupid the first time I told him I liked you.” 

She laughs, something light and magical – something Bellamy wants to hear for the rest of his life. “Why did he do that?” 

“Told me I didn’t like you. Told me I loved you.” 

“Was he right?” 

“Yeah.” 

She kisses his bare chest, and then looks at him, “We wasted a lot of time.” 

Bellamy brushes her hair out of her face, and smiles, “I don’t think so.” 

She gives him a questioning look, so he goes on. 

“We weren’t ready for each other then, not like this. I don’t think we would’ve lasted. We had to go through life on our own at first. We would’ve held each other back had we tried this sooner.” 

“You think?” 

He nods, “Besides, even if I am wrong about that, I know I’m not wrong about our time not being wasted. We were still able to spend half our life together.” 

“And we have so much more life to live.” 

“Together,” He mutters, his eyes growing heavy with sleep. 

He hears her laugh that magical sound again, and he smiles as his eyes fall shut. “Yes, Bellamy. Together.” 

When they wake up, the power is back on. They head downstairs, and find Madi cooking them waffles and bacon. 

When she sees them, she smirks, “It’s about damn time.” 

“Language, Madi.” Bellamy mutters as he goes to the coffee pot. 

Clarke goes and hugs Madi, and then the three of them fix their plates for breakfast. 

Their phones blow up later that morning, and Bellamy and Clarke look at each other before running up the stairs and tackling Madi on the bed. 

They’re all laughing and hitting each other with pillows and tickling each other until Madi finally surrenders.

“Okay, okay! I’m sorry! I only texted Miller!” 

Clarke rolls her eyes, “Only Miller.” 

“The biggest gossip of them all,” Bellamy laughs. 

_ Murphy: You idiots couldn’t have waited until I was at least back from my honeymoon? So freakin inconsiderate. I’m not coming to your wedding.  _

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just need you guys to know that this is the first writing project i've finished in four years, both in this fandom and outside of it. So it means a lot to me that all of you took time out of your lives to read it, and share this joy with me. 
> 
> This little story is very close to my heart because of that and also because it is heavily inspired by a lot of different events in my life. It has helped me process and have closure on things that I never had time to as a kid. 
> 
> Thanks so much for read, and hit that kudos and comment button or come talk to me on [tumblr](https://thefangirlingbarista.tumblr.com/ask) if you feel like sharing the love. 
> 
> Spoiler alert: this won't be the last we see of Clarkeandbellamy in this universe :)

**Author's Note:**

> come hang with me on [tumblr](https://thefangirlingbarista.tumblr.com/)


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